Diary of stable, responsible and wholesome lifestyle choices


#181

Nah, I’m not that cool (I own one, though. Only wearing it when the pain triggers a massive vision fail in my right eye. It get’s better when I cover it up for a few hours)


#182


I like it when candles just bloom up like beautiful little mutant flowers :wilted_flower:
Todays evocation observation: one of the incense sticks turned towards me when I placed myself in front of the altar. Especially this stick’s smoke wavered towards my face all the time.

Edit: felt very tired during evocation all of a sudden but on a pleasant level. Not drained.


#183

#184

There is this one guy, a business partner of our company. He has the smoothest and most suggestive voice I ever came across. He never bears a demanding manner because everyone is willing to do almost everything he wants because of DAT VOICE. He uses it like a tool, every word and every emphasis is chosen with greatest care. I’d really like to learn from him. I made some progress, but it’s not good enough. Today I convinced an unwilling partner of ours to touch up a really bad mistake he made (and was unwilling to stand up to. I had neither the time nor the energy to throw myself into a verbal warfare oday).

I decided to focus more on voice and sound workings. It comes more natural to me. And it’s fun.


#185

My root chakra is running riot. So much for staying in bed and getting some rest. My legs want to walk really bad.


#186

This is the best version/interpretation of this song, period. Disagree and fight me in a field outside :blue_heart:


#187

German words for daily usage.
#1. “hochachtungsvoll” = a complimentary close for letters/mails. It means “I will end you and you won’t even know it was me”.
Commonly used between two opposing persons who are not allowed to communicate openly their disdain for each other because of formalities.


#188

Marquis Leraje wants me to slow down. I want to move fast forward. I know that he knows better. But I don’t like to admit it; I’m not the one who tucks herself in and knits a sweater by the fireplace while I should DO something.


#189

German words for daily usage.
#2: “Moin” - a northern german universal tool.
“Hello!” - “Moin”
“Good morning” - “Moin”
“Good evening” - “Moin”
“Enjoying your lunch?” - “Moin”
“How are you?” - “Moin”
“Is everything fine?” - “Moin”


#190

It seems that I grew quite active during daytime naps, too.
My S.O. told me that he found me sitting upright in our bed, looking at the wall while saying: “Look!The stars are so beautiful tonight!” I also pointed my finger on the wall. It’s my first daytime sleeptalk/sleep-do, at least to my knowledge :grin:
During todays evocation Leraje told me this: “The fighter is the flame. A destroyer must know how to create.”


#191

:apple::apple::apple:


#192

Tonights dream was interesting.
I woke up to find myself on a handbarow out in some fields. A medic seemed to be busy with my chest; it was totally broken open and I could see everything inside from a second angle. Another medic checked something on a small handheld monitor. I wanted to give a signal that I was awake; instead with words my mouth was filled with a thick warm liquid accompanied with a taste of rust (blood, I guess), that came up from my throat.
The second medic looked up from his monitor to me. “Oh. Hey, don’t worry. We got this. It might take a while, so maybe you should go back to sleep?” Since I couldn’t say anything I just gave them both half assed finger pistols, closed my eyes and went back to sleep.


#193

Today I noticed that after every evocation with Leraje I would have the scent of a campfire and damp forest air linger around.
He told me “Don’t let time scare you” while the candle flickered as if to reinforce this message (he knows how restless I am at the moment).
My dad told me that a competitor of my former business needs a new manager quite asap. They asked me three years ago if I would be interested in said position but I turned the offer down for my current job.


#194

:beer:


#195

I just came back from a meeting our CEO and my boss wanted to have with me.
They want to keep me so they just gave me a signed contract with special conditions.
I should make up my mind and should give my decision at the end of this year.
It would nail my ass to this region in near future but it would back up my plan of hording some more money.
Decisions, decisions.


#196

Well, of you have time to sit arouns doing nothing productive, then you may as well be working. Time is money.


#197

I have a vague feeling that my workload won’t run dry if I take some time doing nothing (I actually took two big ass folders with me when I left. I know how to party. I took a day off to revise its contents. I KNOW HOW TO PARTY).


#198

When I asked Leraje about his two cents regarding my latest epiphany he told me this:
"Rage can inspire.
Whirling and howling."

Yesterday I learned something crucial about rage.
I never allowed myself to feel rage or to act it out. Too well mannered, too weak and too occupied with what everyone else expected me to be or to do. So I churned myself up inside, denying my true inner nature (that has always been there from the start). Some years ago I learned how to throw a good punch or two and how to make a lasting impression on those who pushed me. I was prepared, in a physical manner.
It’s only lately that I discovered the fine nuances between smashing someones face and plotting someones downfall in the back of my mind. The dots connected with rage. Rage makes me active and agile. It forces me to actually sit down and edge out a plan so the good and raw energy of this feeling won’t go to waste. Rage drives me toward solutions and keys I’ve never thought of before.
To concentrate it in small and mousey steps, only to release it and it’s purpose with one single act can be as rewarding as a pub brawl on a saturday night.
Rage has united me with my very core again. It’s not a brutal gorilla but rather a fine art.
To allow myself to feel rage is very liberating and I will put this kind of energy into good use.


#199

Yaaaaassss that’s what I was talking about! Embrace your nature! :ok_hand:


#200

I crave for you
And the incense of night
To bathe
In the flame of your light
Cold Pale in sorrow
In the tears that followed
The years that swallowed
The innocence of my love
I crave for you