Diary of stable, responsible and wholesome lifestyle choices


#1

You guys.
Instead of flooding other threads with spams and ramblings I decided to keep some kind of record about what I’m doing with my new found old otherworldly “gift” and what led me to it in the first place. Buckle up, kids. This will be an awful long-winded intro.

First things first: I am by no means some kind of expert in any magical occult-ish field. I’ve gained some “street smarts” because of books. Until recently I never practised or experimented away from my safe theoretical island. If you’ll ever sense a power that feels as strong as a wet towel: that me.
If you’ll ever come across an aura with the color of RedBull, 36hour Days, unhealthy sleep schedules and a questionable taste in home decor: that me.

I decided to work mainly with the goetic entitiy Leraje because it felt like the right thing to do (felt very drawn to it out of every being listed). My intentions right now are putting revenge into action for somebody badly wronged by my current company and moving forward professionally at the same time. I need some serious on-point skills, everything depends on the right time and the right people. Since I started working with Leraje a lot of things happened. My social status increased. Some coworkers of mine had to leave their heads on a stake for their actions and my work environment is falling apart in a way that might lift me to a position more suited to my ambitions. Now I have to build up enough strength and stamina to actually create and claim. Before I worked with Leraje I was consumed by self doubt; that I would be not good enough and that it would be ridiculous to even think about my current ambition. Leraje gave me a vision and an opportunity. I will make as much out of it as I can.


#2

Serious meditation felt really weird at first. Since I am prone to hypnagogic hallucinations I had to pay attention to not slip away into sweet slumber (I don’t exaggerate here: if everything is normal a halfway comfortable sitting position often is enough to send me right away to sleep) and mistake my hallucinations for making contact with other entities.
First magickal excercise: not falling asleep during meditation.
So there was that.

Some time had passed and I got a knack of it (it was hard NOT to think about NOT slipping away). At the same time my exercises came off I researched my way through some books to determine if certain entities would resonate with me (whatever “me” is). As cliché as it sounds even to me I would always stumble over the commonly known box-office hit Lemegeton Clavicula Salomonis.
Basically everything was too over the top for my own taste but everytime I would put the book away a feeling like a really thin fingernails scratching over my skalp would occur. I took it as a sign then and planned to have a more serious look.
Some names and sigils weren’t unfamiliar to me but I never cared too much about it (the Lemegeton wasn’t my cup of tea back then). Leraikha did something to me, tho. It reminded me of a beloved mythological figure which I adored when I was younger: Set or Sutekh, the ancient egyptian deity, slayer of apophis, your not so friendly neighbourhood badass. When I was a child (about 9 or 10 years, perhaps) I always wanted to be as strong as Set. The goetian archer dude reminded me of nights with a flashlight under my blanket, sticking my nose into old myths and legends long past bedtime.

Whenever I would think about Leraje something tingled right underneath my forehead, like a small wave made out of electricity (if that makes any sense). It was kinda decided, then: I would try to evoke Leraje.


#3

As I researched some background stuff about Leraje (alternative descriptions, experiences from other magicians, et cetera) I tried to consider WHY exactly I would evoke him. I can’t just evoke some demon for asking “Hi, what’s up?”. My current life situation pushed its way back into my consciousness and it came to me that Lerajes acing skills (mind the bow-and-arrow-theme) might be the right thing to learn from. Causing some turmoil between the right people at work could set some inspiring things into motion (less competition for me when everybody is busy with lunging at each others throats). And festering wounds? I’ve got one or two arrows I’d like to shoot at someone for making someone else’s life at work miserable; I wanted to leave a lasting impact that would make them suffer in a way or another. In my mind a vague plot had been developed. There where things I could do on my own but those things would depend on a lot of other stuff I definitely could not.
A (flimsy) reason for evoking a mighty great marquis of hell? Check.


#4

So there I was: candles, incense, sigil, Enn in my head and a (hopefully) nice welcome gift to start things out smoothly and on good terms. (It seems that an altar is nothing you would need in any case but I grew fond of it since I imagine it as some sort of otherworldly Skype. Plus, I can visualize my bondings via the things I choosed to offer; I confess that I love to buy small gifts for those dear to me all the time, I just can’t help it)

Guess what happened on my first evocation? Nothing.

No funky sigil flashing, no sign of anything.
I was kinda prepared for nothing to happen since I’m a bloody newbie with no training whatsoever. I felt like back then when I had my first driving lesson - minus the fat and sweaty guy yelling at me from the passenger seat.

Although I couldn’t feel any presence I spoke about my intentions, why I’m doing this and what I needed to get stuff done (For some reason it felt like laying on some psychotherapists couch talking reluctantly about that I don’t feel too well. Mentally. And he would ask “So you don’t feel mentally well?” And I would answer:“Yeah. Like, mentally.”. And he would answer: “I figured out that you don’t feel too well. Mentally. There, I wrote it down on a piece of paper, therefore it’s official.” ).

When I finished my monologue and no kind of epiphany would dawn upon me I thanked Leraje for his ear and time and hoped that I didn’t bored him accidentally to death. I called it a day and decided to investigate further into the art of making contact.


#5

Two or three days after my failed attempt (or so I thought) on calling Leraje, something inside of me changed. I am not a too optimistic or bold person, I had always been that someone working in the background, humble and not too confident in my own abilities. Everytime I got promoted onto something (skipping whole ranks in a carefully structured hierarchy) I would feel like a fraud or impostor who just got there by pure accident and one day someone would expose my incompetence for sure.

So it took me by surprise when I woke up and thought:“Fuck it, I deserve it!”
Just like that. “It” would be a position in my company that will be vacant next year; it is not planned to fill this vacancy but some of my closer ones suggested that I should be No.1 choice. I couldn’t share this vision, because I didn’t see myself fit or experienced enough to replace its predecessor. The mere thought of it was enough to fill me with a distinct fear to fail.

And now that fear was replaced with “The fuck, no one else could do it, either. I could do it right now on the spot and would still do a better job than this guy probably ever did.” (No pity for “this guy”, he has been promoted leagues above his current status which now benefits my own attempt)

My head cinema was set into motion. Today’s movie: “How to fulfill simple tasks and getting a better paycheck for it.” I saw myself in said position. I had very deep insights into that guys tasks since I was actually the one explaining them to him over and over and over again (and carry them out by myself every so often). This knowledge combined with my experience in my current field would be unbeatable; furthermore it could evolve into a precious gem for my company since I was willing to put actual work into it which would ease some current problems that occured in a chain reaction lately.

I was totally convinced that this outcome would be better for simply everyone, including me.
Such a mindset is not very typical for me and certainly not from one day to another. I felt new energy and a strange kind of force behind it; like a steady push. I used it for edging out a new course.
I was fascinated and felt a strong urge to talk to Leraje about it,


#6

They always come. Overtime you’ll know that. For now, trust me - They Always Come!
Love your posts.

Al.


#7

Thank you :slight_smile: Yes, but I just didn’t expected any results at all - at least not after a seemingly botched session. I’ll try to recap everything that happened since then. It’s gonna take me a while, tho.


#8

You can lol. You can just call them to introduce yourself to them and express your wish to know them better or/and your admiration. Practically a “Hi, what’s up?” situation :grinning:

I loooooove your sense of humour! Sometimes we might feel like nothing happened but seems they always listen :eyes:

Keep up the good work!


#9

poppin in and pipin up to say I adore the thread title, and yeah, I agree with @Silent, your sense of humor is on point :ok_hand::black_heart:


#10

@Silent @calix_osseus
Thank you so much for your kind words, you guys :slight_smile: I’ll keep it flowing, a lot of things happened and a summary is the very least I can do to contribute in any way :writing_hand:


#11

After my new self-confidence boost out of thin air I attempted another call on Leraje. This time it went different. The air in my room felt different from the last time. Like it would be filled with a light electrical buzz; a slight sensation of pressure beneath my forehead added to this strange occurence.

Things got real, then. After meditating, chanting the Enn and inviting Leraje, I asked (a tad sheepishly, I admit) if he was all ear. The pressure beneath my forehead discharged into a light shiver. I took it as a sign and started laying out my new ideas. In my head I would use some kind of power point presentation to illustrate to my invisible guest the goal and what (or who) stands in its way.

I stopped in my explanation to not drift away into some kind of ted talk. I closed my eyes to focus back to my essential subject and lo and behold: a voice has been heard!
Instead of a piece of warm hearted advice it said this: “All beauty must die.” right into my ear (like someone was standing close beside me) in a deep and matter-of-fact way. “Guess, that’s true”, I thought to myself. Maybe not the advice I hoped for (like, “drink more water” or “you should reconsider your relationship with your parents”) but it was SOMETHING.

After the session ended I thanked him and said my goodbyes. Right after that the door of my living room (where the evocation was hold) closed in a really slow way (that door also creaks AF; it added a more dramatic touch) until it was completely clicked shut (I checked if i left some windows open but I didn’t during that time). I was sitting there, dumbfolded beyond help. And then the dreams started.


#12

As I mentioned before I am a heavy dreamer (my precognition dream game was lit AF when I was a child until my parents decided that it would make me unfit for society and threatened that I would lose all my friends if I continued to “behave like that”. Joke’s on them, I lost all my friends anyway.). I use my dreams as a gateway into myself. Sleep means a lot to me because it’s the only “room” where I can consult myself without any interruptions from the outside world (I get interrupted too fucking often these days).

So, it was not too surprising when Leraje would show up in my dreams - as a hooded figure, as an attractive mature woman in some kind of doric chiton or as a handsome dude with a smug smile on his face. The first time we met in my sleep I found myself in my office. I was upset because I was at work even in my dreams. I swiveled in my chair listening to the complaints of some angry customer via headset and considered to simply jump out of the window - it would bring me to a better place by any given way. Right as I looked down on the street to check if the shrubbery would soften my impact I heard someone cleaning his throat right behind me. I turned around and a hooded figure in a brown battered robe was leaning at my desk. I pointed to my headset and rolled my eyes (dude just wouldn’t shut up), then nodded towards the window to make my intentions clear without speaking. The figure came closer and handed me something over: “There you go.” The figure squeezed my hand slightly and walked casually out of the glass door. I looked at my gift: it was a perfectly rounded fragment of some kind of rock. The surface was dry and rugged. I could open it; little crystals and gemstones were placed in small crevices all inside the rock. My fingers slid over each and every crystal; I picked at a polished amethyst and it fell into my hand. A sudden wave of “I don’t need this bullshit” rushed over me and I hung up the phone, threw my headset in a trash can and left my office. Long after I woke up I felt incredibly good.

Everytime I worked on my communication skills with Leraje I would have dreams about tiny little creatures. First it was a tiny black bird (looked like a black robin to me). He was weak and sick. I nursed it back to health, carrying the small buddy in a woolen sock with me so I could feed him during daytime. He would sneak his little beak outside the sock and would take food and medicine from me. We parted when he got better. In my next dream a black cat was weak and sick. Again I nursed the little fellow until he left again. In a dream after that a small black puppy needed my help. The same procedure as in every dream; obviously I found my profession as some kind of vet.
Nursing those black and cute animals back to health felt like a test; somebody was watching me and monitored my success.

Must have did well enough; roughly over a week after my first “real” evocation shit got down at work. Two keyfigures who bullied a lot of new coworkers for a long period of time had to leave (sadly one person who got kicked out wrongfully because of them and other assholes didn’t get his job back but I’m at doubt that he would want to return to a working place where bullies where tolerated like this). Two coworkers in my own current team quitted their jobs - good for me because they where kinda the weakest links and fucked up a lot of stuff; I had to clean up behind them all the time. With both of them gone I could finally reorganize some team structures for the better. Until then I had an interim position as “second in command” at the elbow of our team leader; I covered the absence of a coworker who returned a few weeks ago. CEO-dude casually dropped the news in the annual meeting: " I don’t know if anyone already told you but we decided to keep you at your current position. If you want to, of course." Didn’t had the slightest problem getting paid 600€ extra every month for something I did along WITHOUT the reward since October last year…
Not bad. Not fucking bad. A really good start for my next daring exploit.


#13

Inspiring stuff @Oddnan! Glad to see your results coming so quickly! :+1:


#14

Thank you <: I’m still baffled about it every day, too :slight_smile: For the first time since ages it feels like I am not just a prop being dragged and shoved around by everyone for their own benefits. That’s a boost and I am very grateful for that.


#15

Goodbye, hair…
After the first surprisingly resounding results I felt the unusual urge to let go of my hair.
To make things clear: I have always been a squeamish idiot beyond reason regarding my hair. Since I was ten years old I would always keep it long. My hair was the only thing that I liked about myself (and the only thing my parents took pride in. That girl weird but that hair, tho…) and I would guard it with a religious fervour. Trimming its tips was always a tragedy and visiting the hair salon gave me a top-tier panic attack even in my late twenties.
But suddenly I thought: Nah, I don’t need this.

Right after this thought I booked the next free appointment in a salon I was totally unfamiliar with (I visited the same salon for about 12 years and would even travel approx. 8 driving hours back home to get my hair done). I was in good spirits, not the slightest doubt about my mental health or how I would look right after that. One day later I left the salon with a chin length bob. I didn’t even flinch for a second. It felt good; losing my hair was like throwing off every single expectation other people laid into me.

Was it a spiritual lesson towards letting go of old bullshit? I like to think so. And I really hoped that my process didn’t end only with a haircut.


#16

Don’t underestimate the power of a wet towel. Ever been popped in the ass with a wet towel? That shit really stings. Congrats on your work with Leraje. It seems to be bearing fruit.


#17

I second this :joy:


#18

@Faustus thanks to you “Never underestimate the power of a wet towel” now oddly resonates with me :smiley: I should make a chant out of it, maybe I’ll be able to summon a limp handshake.


#19

There was a huge ass wall right in front of me. It consisted of the affection I hold for some of my coworkers. My team grew really close to me and I highly admired my wonderful team leader and my co-second-in-command. Both taught me a lot and the way they trusted in my abilities made me all warm and fuzzy. And I knew that I had to say “Good bye” to them.

Because my S.O. had plans of his own. He was highly unlucky here (same goes for me, we never really grew into this place and felt like aliens for over two years now) and he needed another college degree to finally get down to business with his old career plan. I agreed with that one since I didn’t had a higher education myself and I wanted him to thrive for the two of us. We had a long talk back then and I promised to have his back no matter what. Later I sat down and did the math: with him back to college and my ass glued to the eternal glass office we couldn’t make ends meet, at least not here (right now we are living in one of the most expensive corners this country has to offer due to our jobs). We had our share with either paying the rent OR having enough to eat for the rest of the month but never both. I wasn’t too keen to experience this material drought again and felt a deep sense of despair and fear that we wouldn’t make it. I was totally unable to make a move towards anything, feeling like a total failure to myself and the ones dear to me. And thus, ye olde magick awareness arose again inside of me for I was too stupid and weak to do it on my own :slight_smile:

And so I had to leave. But in a good way. I made my plans already clear to Leraje in my first evocation: moving to a much more cheaper part of this country but earning more money than I already did to support the both of us during my S.O.'s second college degree. And then, in the rush of my own “Fuck it, I deserve it”-awakening it was all so clear: I didn’t had to leave my job, only the location. I would follow up to secure my plan to succeed after “that guy” that left a huge vacancy due to his own promotion. The good part: way more money, home office (which would mean I could freely choose my new living place) and I could keep contact to my team since I would work for its benefit, I could travel across the country and getting paid for hotels and eating at restaurants. Two birds, one stone. The bad part: coming clean to my team leader and telling her that I had to go.

For a longer period of time I would weasel my way out of the inevitable. I didn’t want to hurt her and I didn’t know how not to.
In my following efforts to contact Leraje I would always ask for a cheap way around. I was just too weak and gutless after all. No answers had been given, at least not in a vocalized way. Leraje wouldn’t let me get away with my own foolishness, tho. Beside the heavy urge to flip out my phone and confess to my team leader about my plans after every evocation I would get cats. Lots and lots of cats.

I dreamt about cats for about five or six nights straight. They flooded me. I always had to take care of them and I would always wake up exhausted and tired because of it. On the final night a storm raged in my dreams. I had to take ALL the cats inside my house to protect them. They wouldn’t be thankful little furry critters, tho. They would claw and tear at each other and I had to seperate them all the time while the storm gained strength. I just couldn’t do this shit any longer. I yelled “All right, all right, I bloody DO it, for fucks sake!” at the top of my little dream lungs and all of a sudden the cats just sat there, peacefully. Talking about signs and answers…


#20

The next day I gathered all my courage (which wasn’t that much) and told my team leader about my plans and reasons and all of that. Long story short: stuff got emotional. She gave me her blessings and I started to reach out to important key men who could push me into the needed direction.

My workings with Leraje made me kinda bold in my social connections. I would preferably seek out those who were known to be difficult to handle; they held big influences but were avoided by most of my peers due to their wayward nature. We got along perfectly fine and I carefully managed to tie them to me. They grew even more reluctant to communicate with other coworkers; even in minor matters they wanted to talk only to me. In my next step I went to “that guy” whose soon vacant position should be my goal. I went all diplomatic: how is work had been valued and how he would be missed. Things would get a lot more bumpier without him or someone equal who could continue his excellent efforts; this vacancy will be a major setback but we will get along somehow

I heard he will put my name in the hat by the end of this year.