Depression on this path

Hi I was hoping some of you here can advise me. I have been practicing magick for about 20yrs and has only been within the last year that I have started on the lhp and working with demons. Ive suffered from depression all my life but up until lately I have been in a fairly stable phase. However, recently Ive been feeling it rearing, im having troubling thoughts and I can even see myself that im acting out of character. Working with demons I am now dealing with an energy and current I never have before and I think its possible that its this thats affecting me. I think it could even be possible that im going through this process of feelings thoughts etc because ultimately they are being processed so they can be released. So really Im looking for advice on what I should do, should I push on through in the hopes that ultimately it will benefit me or…?? The worry I have is that when my illness gets so far along, I become a danger to myself and cant trust my thoughts, and I get so far into my illness i cant pull myself back out if you know what I mean. Id really really appreciate any advice as atm I really dont know what to do.

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I say that it definitely can happen. I went down a really rocky road in my workings with Belial and Sorath (who are well known for being intense beings). Working with demons has plenty of pleasant moments, but there are also many times where they present our shadows. These moments can be extremely brutal and in the end, there is little choice left but to face them if you ever want to be free. The key to remember that they are moments, things that will pass.

That being said, if you feel like you are going way too far down, there is no shame in taking a break and getting some help until you are strong enough to face what you need to.

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Ok thankyou, thats good advice. Im always all or nothing, I forgot that its possible to just take a break :slight_smile:

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Oh I can relate to all or nothing attitude. When I approached Belial in my first major demonic working, it was because I was terrified of him most of all (as silly as it sounds now). But i was at a point where nothing else was cutting it for me, so i decided to commit to it, even at the risk of my own depression destroying me in the process. It was a “do or die” mentality, which makes sense considering how heavy of a pull I have to warrior like spirits.

But even the most seasoned warrior knows when to take time to rest and to gather strength before the next endeavor

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Thats funny you mention Belial, I worked with him just recently and got alot from it, He was mighty but loving and he did break some chains I was heavily bound by. He suggested I work with Asmodeus next, I dont really know much about him and went in blind and connecting with him thats when I felt I was starting to sorta lose my mind. Is that normal for working with him do you know? And thankyou for your kindness, you are very wise.

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That definitely sounds like Belial. He can be a very stern teacher, but he does seem to legitly care in his own mad way. He seems to know just how you need to be approached.

As for Asmodeus, absolutely. I’ve worked with him a few times. The very first evocation, I became…animalistic for the lack of a better term. My voice growled as I chanted his enn and I felt my mind slipping as his presence overwhelmed me. It was like unlocking that part of the mind that we tend to leave close as it can be dangerous but it is also something we need to let out from time to time. To let go of our “civilized” mind and just be the animal that we are in that particular moment. Perhaps that is something Belial is hinting at with his suggestion.

I am shooting in that dark with this, but how are you in regards to passion in general? I ask because, as someone who is more logical and stotic, I have a bit of block in that area of life. If you are similiar, perhaps it is the blockage that causes such an intense reaction to Asmodeus’s energy, as ultimately passion is his forte.

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Wow that makes so much sense! I think that has def been whats happening with Asmodeus, so I think I will persevere for a bit and see, especially knowing that this has happened with someone else while working with him, thats reassuring.

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I have alot of suppressed anger from years passed that I have always just pushed down. I have actually been expressing anger recently just in day to day things, where normally I wouldnt. Im usually just the stay quiet and dont say anything type so im maybe being a bit truer to myself…but not sure if im liking it if you know what i mean?

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Yes, I know what you mean. I am passive aggressive as well, although that has decreased over time. I had the spouts of anger when working with Belial, as one of the chains he broke was my inability to express emotions beyond writing. It is intense at first but once you understand where it is coming from (not ritually wise but internally I mean), it lessens in intensity. I still have the more rebellious side on the surface since working with Belial, but that was also a part of me that was hiding just under the surface.

As I said before, these beings pull out parts of ourselves in order for us to understand and acknowledge them. Only then can we become masters of ourselves and then ultimately everything we gaze upon as we become gods in our own right.

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Thats really encouraging thankyou and I write also and draw, suppressed emotions seem to make for good creativity lol I.appreciate you taking the time to help, Im actually feeling a bit more settled already. :slight_smile:

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Glad to hear it :slight_smile: feel free to PM me if you need a friend to talk to. I do sleep during the day (I work nights) but I’ll get back whenever I can. The work is all on you, but sometimes having someone to chat with helps

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Thankyou so much :slight_smile:

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Stop drinking alcohol and go to AA, get right with your higher power or your concept of a higher power. For me it’s Lucifer god himself and the void chaos dragon mother god herself, the universe it’s self. A god one adores without superstition, something you can see and is tangible then the demons or principalities within you will begin to work their way around your psyche and heal you as they come out and you align proper with the self. The LHP is not will roll you in order to align you so be ready for that. Best of luck cheers!

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Would you like to explain the first sentence, im teetotal @AdamThoth

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What part? Getting right with your concept of a higher power? It basically means have a spiritual foundation on which to build. Your higher power is whatever you believe the universe is basically. I call it Lucifer but you could call it Satan, God, Odin, Discord, or flying spaghetti monster, whatever works for you.

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I know what a higher power is. Im referring to the part where you told me to stop drinking and go to AA @AdamThoth

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Lol
If you think you might have a drinking problem, alcohol is a depressant and also impairs the judgement. If you don’t drink regularly then you probably don’t have a drinking problem. But drinking contributes to depression and depressed people have a tendency to drink. AA is, believe it or not an Alchemichal process of sorts that helps one deal with certain issues that cause the root problems if drinking such as depression
, anxiety and hopelessness etc.

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As I already said I am teetotal as in i dont drink alcohol at all. It is difficult enough putting yourself out there on a forum asking for advice and admitting to mental health problems. Comments like yours telling me to go to AA dont help. Its ignorant and presumptious. I have had problems with depression from a young age so i dont need anyone telling me about my illness as having lived with it all my life i probably know more than most. I dont quite know what you are hoping to achieve by your comments but a little advice, for future if someone is brave enough to stand up and say they have a mental illness dont slap them down as an alcoholic. @AdamThoth
Lol

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Calm down, I said “if” you have a drinking problem. I’m not telling you you have one but alcoholism is also a disease. I also said if you don’t then don’t worry about it. Now perhaps what your real problem may have more to do with jumping to conclusions about things and being combative for no reason. Also I don’t know what that is teetotal.

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Thats why i explained what teetotal is. Look at your first reply to me. The very first thing you said is stop drinking alcohol and go to aa. Maybe you have a problem remembering what you have replied. And im not combative i am simply stating that its comments like yours that make it difficult for people to speak out about their problems.

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