I’m not new to magic, being born into it. My family was on the Dark path and abused their powers, resulting in my grandmother’s passing nearly 20 years ago and many other horrible things too heinous to mention. I find myself attracted to the LHP, but I hesitate to use the Dark powers I KNOW I possess. It has come to a point where I MUST make a decision very soon as to the path I will dedicate my life to. I only resort to dark rituals if there isn’t a choice. Honestly, I prefer NOT to use it all, but I know that’s no realistic. I found out over two weeks ago that my own mother tried to take me out! Me being angry was an understatement! How do I decide? My situation is quite ****'ed up since I had been cursed at birth by my own family. Advice will be greatly appreciated.
I am not so sure you have to make that decision. Just start walking your path and see where it leads.
LHP and RHP, why not make your own path?
I understand the hesitance. I used to think everything dark is bad and everything light was good. I have learned that it isn’t as black and white as it seems. I have found strength and comfort in the dark in both the dark and the light.
When I first moved from the generic form paganism I was practicing I felt the need for one label over another. Now I am pretty sure there isn’t a single lable to define me.
Maybe it’s just that the Norse workings and what little I’ve heard of voodoo are very much walking the line between both hands, but why must you choose? Even those who converse with demons can and do engage with their angel counterparts as well. To see a choice, IMO, is to believe religious dogma that you can’t be, as those boys in Five Finger Death Punch put it, “on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell”.
like many people i agree they are both just labels, and for me the actual essence of it is, do you go for self gain at the expense of others, or do you serve both yourself and others? For example a “RHPer” might work to create conditions for a harmonious family life so everyone benefits and nobody gets hurt, while a “LHPer” would go in for the kill and drive them out so you have a peaceful life, or maybe even manipulate their minds so they would stop.
I had somewhat the same feelings as you, I am a RHPer who knew there was a part of me very attracted to the LHP, so eventually I did go for it, but even when using “LHP” energies, I was fully in control and never felt at any point that I was losing it or anything. I think you sound very self aware and should trust yourself to be your own master, you are not your grandma or your family.