Darkness, anger and desperation. ~a mere log to whats being done

Due to recent events, serious issues that need to be resolved, i will draw on anything i got my hands on in recents times via “coincidences”.

Someone, or something is blocking me SERIOUSLY effective,
i cant get anything from amazon anymore, all the orders that were not denied,
were some decorative pieces, which were less than secondary, and are now worthless,
since i cant buy the material anymore, tha was supposed to be used for the altar they should decorate.

The only other thing that arrived, from the over 4 dozen articles that i tried to order,
is a piece of paracord… So…they/it/he/she cuts me off my source for knowledge, supplements, entertainment, herbs, incense, idols and much much more -but they are so “nice” and leave it at my cost, to get some rope to hang myself with?

Fuck this! i will draw on anything necessary, to have the power to break that barrier this person/entitiy put in place, and to destroy that piece of shit!


Tonights program:
~draw in darkness
(step 1-4 in kendals challenge)
~draw in hell
~call the old ones
~attempt to break the barrier and the neck of that bastard!


Thank you :heart:


So do I brother, :wink:

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Update: idk what i did wrong, so i will just keep doing this, til it “works”.

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Nice that i did this on the first few hours of wednesday…

(this is from the tyson “necronomicon”)

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Here we go again.
~The desperate need for instant results, combined with the reality that magic will get me those abilities over years… yeah. I wanna murder somebody. (=_= ‘’ )

~Hopefully, after repeating and progressing in this stuff,
that at least some shamanic things will occur, so i can at least find ways to compensate my issues… since i cant ask entities or people, to do something for me -both options are as experience showed total fantasy.

…So, what will i do then?

°Repeating that procedure,
°keep feeding the obsession with the old ones, as i see that as a excellent way
to avoid my rationality and logic based on experience, entirely, by opening myself to the insane overwhelming greatness of the old ones.
°get some herbs and get fucked… i need some enjoyment in this damned state they call “life”
Edit: plus forgetting about the last point

It seems, that fear is the only way, to speed up any progress in magic.
~For that cosmic horror, did does and will bypass any mental constructs.

Meaning: you dont believe, you dont think, but you KNOW that there is a beastial shape, haunting you everwhere you go. Therefore: you dont need to think, or visualize or believe that you can call upon the old ones, instead you just speak to them.

Tonights program:


6(? i hope i get the order right)

EDIT: there is no enough time, so i will keep it by “challenge” #1
the hymn (invocation of pretty much all of hell) and attempting to contact the old ones.

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If you dont try, you wont get it work.
If you didnt fail a 1000 times, then you never tried.
~In that case: you suck!


Do some more re-reading today, in order to determine what i could adapt from tyson, hine and s ben for my daily practice.

If that turns out to be a waste of time, then i will stick with hine and shamanism,
and just occaisonally or weekly call upon yog sothoth and nyarlathotep -idk about cthulhu

Regarding the challenge, the minimum would be to call invoke darkness.


The tyson approach is too theistic, but i will keep a few things.
And actually, in attempting to transform the bad neighborhoods into living doorways for the old ones, such a text could be used to establish cults there, since thats what this book is basicly asking for.

Now, about the book by s ben:

I will follow that, and beginning of November things will get serious with initiation.
To the time of this writing, im ordering all the missing parts for the work.

And at given time, i will consult a stonemason, to make some tablets and a 10 foot carved stone… i cant wait to see their faces, the faces of freemasons, getting a order to obviously produce ritual utensils hahaha

As the pictures indicate, i have a deep lake of ideas for future temples

Gotta walk out there, and before 15 i shall evoke yog sothoth.
~and repeat that after my work in forenoon of tomorror, monday.

Ok, there will by plenty of time til im going to give the stonemasons the order,
til then, i will make some tablets of clay as soon as the material arrives…

no excuses anymore

Exercise: The ascending pyramid.

Meditate, once ready, when molten into the place you sit in, see the top of the pyramid glow,
and do whatever you like -for example: timagine a message flying from your 3. eye in a form of smoke, entering the pyramid and being shot into space.

Exercise: the doorway in your pocket

Meditate, and when ready, see the person of place you wanna reach.
Feel how you melt and flow into the stone, and get where you want to be.

The purple forest, and the ring way in front of the castle. That is what i saw. first the voilet grass, then the trees, then the orad made of cobble stones. I emerged from a buddha statue.

The middle age and older music, of drums and sorts of flutes, and some pre guitharr instruments.
The scent, the smoky fog, a sweet scent, to compfort you.
~I have seen the ages pass by, at that road.

i saw the grass, the trees, before there was a road, and the road was new, as i got away from my stone plate and red cushion -i, was that buddha, that later got depicted sitting there.

fools, they should have taken my place, not worshipping my former spot.

Oddly enough, i could hide into the statue.

To be accurate, the gothic ost does not fit the place, but more my feeling of being part of the forest, and i was fine with that.

Challenge: the traveling shaman

All you need for a potent magic ritual(has an end) -or magical act(has no or no definite end),
must fit into even smaller and smaller bags/pockets.

IMG_2942 IMG_2943 IMG_2944 IMG_2945

Meditate upon this music.
~Just how clear can i render spontaneous images of transformation and battle?