Dark night of the soul

I’m not entirely sure where this topic should be placed. If the mods feel like this is the wrong section, please feel free to move it to a relevant section.

I created this topic after watching one of Koettings videos. He mentioned that he has been through to Dark Night of the Soul on 3 separate occasions. I feel like the difficulty of going through that must have been daunting.

I myself have been through the dark night on 2 separate occasions. One of those occasions, both my wife and I had gone through it simultaneously. It was horrifying, but also strengthening. Because we’d gone through it together, our marriage had been strengthened because of it. Though it almost killed both of us, I will admit.

I’m wondering how common it is to go through this multiple times in one life cycle? I’m also curious to know how many others here on Balg have gone through a dark night.and what was involved? It’s a grueling experience and I know not everyone survives it. So perhaps we can share ‘war stories.’ Also, for anyone who is currently going through it, I wanted to say that you’re not alone. You have the Balg community and I for one would be happy to help you push through it.


I went through it a couple of times, IMO. The death of former ego and the collapse of illusions were terrifying. At the end, I had a choice to leave this planet, accept the circumstances or do something about my new found desires.

I chose the last. First time I went through the dark night, I found spirituality. Second time, magick.

It makes me chuckle inside whenever I hear someone new in spirituality says I don’t like ego and I want it gone.

Hang in there, mate. Pay attention. It’s your point break.


In my opinion it is uncommon to go through more than one dark night of the soul, considering how most lives go lately. It’s surprising people even get into the one, since it’s such a huge derealization when handled well

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What is a Dark Night of the Soul like?

I’m not sure if I’ve ever been through one.

Maybe I’m quite sheltered?

I’m not even sure if I had one, but there was a time that I felt extremely alone, and that everything around me was crumbling. I couldn’t get into college, the only relationship I had was toxic, communication with my friends stopped, no one in my family understands or even try to understand what I go through emotionally, and it was a struggle to bring myself to get out of bed. All I wanted to do was sleep and dream to escape.

It was incredibly lonely, and very very painful. There were times I would break down crying but had to bite my tongue and hold it, because crying itself is a sign of “weakness” in my house and I got scolded everytime I did. I cried as the water filled in the bucket, cried silently with my back turned towards others.

It felt like I was trapped, no where to go, no one to confide in. The one escape I had-dreams, they were gone. I woke up anxious and daily tasks were daunting. But I somehow pushed through.

What saved me in the end was magick, maybe spirituality. They’re both kind of meshed together in my head. Once I found out there’s something called spirit guides, I slowly learnt to rely on them, I learned vulnerability, and had to unlearn every toxic thing that was ingrained in my head. It felt like whiplash after whiplash. Then I found strength within me.

I was extremely emotionally closed off. I masked so well I scared myself sometimes. I can detach myself but also bring up extreme emotions just by making up things. So I used that to push through. I made characters in my head, put them through what I did, help them, and in turn felt comforted.

That is my coping mechanism. I don’t even know if it’s healthy! I got used to it so much I have trouble grounding even now. I did this since I was 13 years old, and I’m 19 now. That’s 6 whole years of escapism.

I’m still not sure if it counts as a Dark Night of the Soul, but it was not easy at all. The most painful time of my life.

I don’t do spells that often, but I do shadow work quite frequently. Every alternate month at least. It’s sort of a husk-shedding thing I do each month.

What I think today, might not be what I thought last month, or will think next month. And I’m trying for college again this year.


I have no idea. Depends how you define it. An existential crisis? Then if so, a lot of non-magickal people experience this as well.

Yeah :wave: In my case, there were a lot of things I could intellectually understand and accept about the nature of reality, but being forced to confront and experience it myself was eye-opening.

It manifested as an experiential shattering of the illusion of linear time/linear cause and effect; suicidal ideation; a manic period in which I searched single-mindedly for answers to a puzzle, but found only more questions than answers; a lot of chaotic upheaval in my life that radiated out to affect the people around me; a boost in my ability to manifest (but in a rather uncontrolled and undisciplined way, so both good and bad things); and intense feelings of isolation that led my usually extraverted self to avoid friends and family and choose to sequester myself away from everything and everyone.

Still kinda coming out of it now.


I’ve had a few, and after I studied magick and formed relationships withentities, found myself pulled out of one before it got fully underway.

I see it as a reactionary thing, rather than a requirement. The requirement is the growth and advancement of your philosophy and paradigms or worldview, which can mean losing something you identified with, and having to rebuild who you thought you were. That’s phytologically is what’s hard but doesn’t have to be with the right support in place.

So while Lovecraft went though one that lasted for years, other people have a midlife crisis buy stupid things they’ll regret and get it over with. Everybody is different, so dying to an old way of thinking and awakening to a new one looks different but is no less valid if you avoid the angst and depression that can come from questioning everything you ever thought was real.


Its interesting as a Schizo-Affective and Borderline person trying to explain to someone about what you see, hear and feel, especially when no other physical form is present at the time, trying to tell the difference constantly between what is real and what is not. At some point you question existence as real.

Let’s face the facts

The dark night of the soul sucks tremendously.

But…this too shall pass.

Reminds me of the REM song everybody hurts.

“When your days and nights are long…hold on”

I’ve been through it and there is nothing you can do except go through it.

It is miserable and seems absolutely hopeless though.


I feel like I experienced one in 2019. But I also have depression. How can one differentiate between a depressive episode and a dark night of the soul?