Curious about the next steps I should take in Magical education

In the past, I thought about joining a lodge-like the OTO or something similar. However, the more research I did it seemed like they were too far LPH for me and into ritual sacrifices among other things I would consider morally wrong. I could be mistaken about all of this above info, its just what I dug up in my research.

(There’s a quote that goes “nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so.”)
I think that is true for both righteous and unrighteous people. Each may believe their cause is just from their perspective so to speak.

So what seems good for some may not be good for others (obviously)

I don’t want to end up in a cult-like organization. I’d rather learn from one person or a few separate mentors.

I want to know the secrets of the trade so to speak that I won’t find in your basic books. My goal is to cut down my learning curve by getting the right mentor and learning from them.

How have you, or does one go about this?
Especially now in the quarantine era?
I am genuinely curious. I’m not in a huge rush to find someone as there are still many books for me to read and practice with still.

I have a deep feeling inside that tells me everything doesn’t need to be done in a specific way like it is in western ceremonial magick for the most part. I’m still uncertain what to do next. Maybe the golden dawn might be a good place to start but I’m not looking for a classroom-style learning curriculum. Idk I heard that’s what they are like there and at OTO. And I’ve heard very negative things about the order.

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My advice is to work with a guiding spirit, like Abartala, from Kingdoms of Flame. It is said that he is “a great Spirit that will guide the magician on any path he wishes to pursue. His advice is comforting, and his wisdom is priceless. There is little in the way of religion and the occult that he has not aided in the formation of.”

Honestly, if you’re looking to be trained outside of an order, by someone who recognizes that the dogmas of gurus and orders are often unnecessary, then there’s no better place to start that EA’s evocation course, if you haven’t already. If you work through the course, and couple that perhaps with a consultation or two with him in the future, you’ll be more equipped than like half the occultists out here

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It is not your choice. In the lodge in different parts you need to be accepted by all the brothers and vote for you. In friendlier lodges you need at least 2 members to vote for you

Altho you might not be able to have the experience of something without joining one I disagree you can’t learn it without

I believe we all have everything we need and can guide ourselves to what we need to learn by going within

I’ve been toying with the idea of joining an order and I still am, however just something like trusting I’ll come across the right clues if I carry on seeking

I find books left with knowledge from those who went on the journey in an order

And while they don’t give me the exact direct journey that person had

They give me enough clues about things they learned on their journeys through to go seek out some of those experiences completely outside of actually joining one if I choose not to