Well. I keep following this, even though I decline to comment in most of it. It seems like your on the right track to me. A lot of the experiences you write about, I’ve had in the last year so-I’m feeling positive atm and I’m certain you should as well.
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Thanks a lot! I have a lot of doubts, reading that helps me quite a lot. Thank you again!
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Honestly, I’ve found this to be a kinda lonely path. I don’t fully relate to all the newbies on here despite being there not long ago. I’ve got a few friends I’ve known a long time thst I can talk to this about and the boyfriend and thst helps. I’m still the only one practicing and sometimes I can tell… they don’t fully get it. I read your journal though and I go … well thst was me nine months ago, three months ago etc. I’ve also found es koettjng writes like … he’s experienced some of what I have as well. That’s all good and makes me feel better for sure.
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That makes two of us, for sure.
ENTRY #12
Today I used for the first time Archer’s ritual from The Magick of Angels and Demons. And it was way easier than I thought it would be. I’ll be performing this ritual again, many times, I suspect. Also, I performed the ritual on another person’s behalf. That was interesting.
Now, for something entirely different:
Hypothesis and conjectures on the topic of magic, Plato, money and atehism.
What a salad of stuff, am I right?
So, going to basics: Plato, in his famous allegory of the cavern, said that men sees shadows on the wall and thinks that’s existence. The goal of life, therefore, is to go outside the damn cavern and take a look at what is projecting those shadows in the first place.
Also, he said (and I can’t remember where, for the life of me) that there are three degrees of existence (not sure if that’s the right verb in English) The imitation, like a paint or a photography of a chair, at the lowest. In the middle, the chair itself. And above, the idea of the chair, the concept of the chair, its essense, or what’s the same, WHAT THE THING IS. I can break all the chairs in my house but I never can destroy the idea of the chair.
Now, this looks like something that has nothing to do with magic, but I think I’m up to something, at least something relevant to me.
So, if there is an idea and that’s the TRUE thing and everything else are lower degrees that can be imitated, destroyed, then what a god (angel, demon, spirit) would be but the idea itself? The world can’t contain anything but the world itself; Lucifer can’t be anything but the idea of Lucifer.
Now, this being said, ideas are indestructible but not for that immune to change. We have the idea of a car (a thing with wheels moved by an artifact), yes, but the details (are we still calling those accidents?) change in order to improve (now we have things with wheels moved by an artifact and seatbealts).
This ever-changing-but-still-the-same concept may explain a thing or two. Why, then, spirits remain the same? Because they don’t. We have a thousand interpretations about every single one of them. Even obscure ones. Everyone explain something a little different. Over the years the grimoires have extended their powers and people perform the rituals and get results. Did they become more powerful over time? Or did we make them more powerful over time? I know for sure we have made cars better over time.
Ideas have power. And idea is the second most powerful force in existence, and that’s not a bad place to be at all. I’ll explain myself: money exists mostly as information. Ones and zeros in databases. Just a little fraction has ever been printed. Nevertheless, it conditions all of our lives. We’re always searching for it. And one person too many devote their life to pursue it. The only thing above it is good old violence. No amount of money (and no amount of magic) will stop a nuke once it has been fired. But we don’t need to go that far away: same applies to fists. The only thing capable of opposing it is more violence. Maybe in the form of a well timed block. But other than that, you can run. Maybe you’ll outrun your pursuer. And you’ll never outrun a nuke.
Now, how does all this get together? Well, in my current identity crisis I’m kind of trying to make sense of things. So what I’m thinking is this: if ideas exists and can change and have power… then those same ideas can be conjured in order to obtain change. We do it with money. And we can do it with other things.
Some very hard math out there tries to explain a fourth dimention and there is a simmetry between that explanation and some centuries old concepts about Asmodeus (in the form of experiences that can’t be proved, of course, but that can’t obey to the math either, since such knowledge is fairly recent). There is a good chance that we’re hitting something in the fabric of reality itself, with magic. And now everyone can claim for my head to be put in a pyke, but… what if magic and math have something in common after all?
I have never understood math as science. It is a language to me. And magic very well may be a language to change reality itself. Because the universe can be described (in a very boring way) with an equation. Now… what if magic can alter this equation?
We’re neanderthals with a very basic grasp of communication. But maybe, just maybe, that’s the whole point. And there is no adult around to teach us.
This is all a bit nuts on my part, I know, and I’m painfully aware I’m doing some mental juggle to try to reconcile magic with my atheism.
Anyway, this is what I believe today. Maybe a year from now I’ll have a different answer.
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This.
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ENTRY #13
I’m using Eva’s tutorial to start with divination. Yesterday was funny: I asked if I’m going to be happier this year than I was in 2019. The oracle said that marriage will give me much happiness! Yay! Except that I fucking hate marriage. But there is one “close enough” that I like: live-in girlfriend in a very specific relationship (yes, I’m a pig).
Today, of course, I asked about the woman herself. The oracle said she is… going to be rich, in time. Oh, and that I should use the money well. Thank you, oracle, I was thinking about making paper boats with the bills. All sarcasm aside, I get it: invest it. But how? It won’t be MY money. Advice, maybe? Of course, you dumbass Cuervo! You have magic now. You can actually get information about the future, and if I get a live-in girlfriend this year that eventually becomes rich, things become full circle.
I’m also developing a very stupid, and with some luck effective, method to become better at the ritual I’m getting to know, the one in Archer’s book. The plan is simple: change the names and repeat the hell of it. So, the ruling Angel becomes “Peter”, attending angel one becomes “Josh”, etc. After a week or so I think I’ll have memorized it. Then I would just need to write down the real names to help my memory during the real rituals.
And that’s enough occultism for a day.
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ENTRY #13.5
I should be in bed right now, but this deserves a mention.
I’ve an appointment with a new doctor tomorrow and there is this piece of paper I REALLY need. I lost it. I couldn’t find it. Fuck it, I said. I called again on Satanachia, sigil, enn, “I lost it and I really need it, help me to find it, I’ll pour you a drink tomorrow”. Banish. Go for a smoke to calm down. After that, to look again.
It took me less than one minute to find and it was below a box I have here at my left, where I put my external hard drive and such. I would have never find it, but I looked there because… well, because Satanachia probably made it catch my attention. I just looked in two other places before that, both places called “floor”. And not Jansen, sadly.
HAIL SATANACHIA!
PS: Yes, I’m so fucking stubborn I am still an atheist. I wonder for how long.
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ENTRY #14
A few days ago I used to Archer’s ritual on behalf of someone else. Today I spoke with this person. It worked. She has been feeling better. It’s emotional, yes, but that’s exactly what it was intended. Also, if I understood right, is the natural progression… just faster. Way faster, it seems.
It seems I should keep working with that grimoire. It is as powerful as I have been told. I haven’t learned the ritual step by step yet, but I’m getting there.
In other order of things: divination time!
I keep working with Napoleon’s oracle. Today I didn’t want to ask about the hypothetical woman I soon shall meet, the one who will be my “wife” (or live-in girfriend), the one who is going to inherit a fortune at some point. So I asked if I will ever find treasure. Now, I have never found even a dime on the floor, so I thought that would be a fun answer.
And what the oracle told me? That my partner is going to be my treasure. Yes. The damn oracle keeps insisting in speaking about her. Now I know how my best friend felt all those times when I wouldn’t shut up about the girl I just met. Poor woman, I should apologize or something.
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ENTRY #15
Several things.
1- I keep reading about Asmodeo, which shouldn’t be weird since I’m in an occultism forum. But I’m interested in him. Maybe I should pour him a drink, invoke and introduce myself? Most likely, but not right now.
2- Suddenly, today I remembered something and I see a pattern. The year was 1997 (yes, I’m old) and a girl in high school just came to me and said to her friend, who was next to me, “I’m going to tell this to [MY NAME], since he is a warlock”. I’m and was a hardcore atheist, but this girl took a liking to calling me “warlock”. Because reasons. Since there were cruel nicknames galore back in the day, and warlock is cool, at least in comparison, I’m not complaining. She then spoke about the oui-ja and being afraid and blah-blah-boring-blah. That wasn’t metal, I wasn’t interested. What? We were 14, of course few things outside metal and literature interested me then. But… remembering this (for no reason, it seems) got me thinking… I have been called “brujo” (that is, warlock) many times. For, again, no reason. Except by my youngest nephew; I used to had quite the beard, so he got the association right, I guess. Oh, well, he didn’t say warlock, he said mage. I guess that has more mana or something.
3- It is January, 16. So I’ve failed in two things. First, I called Buer to help me heal. I asked to see the first results before January 15. I am seeing results… from the new meds my new doctor gave me. That’s no way I’m going the “metaphorically true” route. It was science. Period. Also, I’m not healed, just seeing a slightly improvement.
Second, and this one doesn’t surprise, I have this “Big one”, someone posible but highly unlikely (no, not winning the lottery). This is my big one, the one that’s hard to pull off, the one that should mark the end of an era. I asked Satanachia’s help. It didn’t work. Which is weird, since Satanachia helped me with other two things, and helped me with it the second I asked. BUT… both things were about me and only me, The Big One isn’t.
I’m not really sure what happened. I kind of managed my lust for results. So it may be the doubt. Doubting this one, just because it is The Big One, is kind of my natural reaction. And self doubt seems to be poison for magic. Also, maybe giving deadlines isn’t a good idea. Also, also, this involves another person and I haven’t had news about her in about 18 months, so there is the small, smalllllllll chance she isn’t alive.
I may need a new Big One.
In any event, I managed to get first clear results after my first initial experience in December, 31, 2019. And I made this two after that. So it may all be about needing more practice, in the end.
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ENTRY #16
I’ve decided to start a layered long-time project. I am a writer and my work has never been published. Part of this is by choice: I refuse to sign any sort of slavery contract (sexual deviancy notwithstanding, and even the, I’m never the slave). Now… I have to choose. What’s next isn’t a slavery contract, correct, but isn’t that much better. I’m going to loose quite a lot in order to open some doors. And win some money in the process. But, who knows? I have magic now. Maybe I can make it work in some other way. My way.
So, I hereby present you…
THE BESTSELLER PROJECT
1 - Find a marketable idea. —> Marax can help.
2 - Find the perfect opening paragraph. —> Probably nobody can help.
3 - FOCUS! —> Many can help, but I will go with Haures and Machiel.
4 - Give a little push to the judges. —> Forneus?
5 - Popularity. —> The angel Laviah sounds like a solid choice.
You may be wondering why I don’t try to use magic to improve my skills. Well, I’ve read several grimoires and my conclusion is kind of sad: as it happens with historians and philosophers, occultists can’t write to save their lives. It is fine. They are not writers but they have to write anyway. I get it. But occultists surely tried to get spirits and angels and demons to help them. And if the end result is the best they got, well, maybe some stuff I’ve read is wright: a natural born story teller’s brain is just wired differently than the rest. And since I happen to be a natural born storyteller, I’ll say I’m fine.
At least for now. I may change my mind in the future.
The idea is to start tomorrow. Ritual, go for a smoke, watch the stars, calm the fuck down, let the first idea come. I’m sure that’s all I need, since ideas come ALL THE TIME. The magic in the first step should be a filter that let me get something commercially viable.
Then, while I’m a pantser, I’ll try to plot the three or four ideas (inconexed, absurd, can’t work together) that I’ll get. That should give an idea of what the skeleton of the beast looks like. And that’s more than enough.
The focus is to achieve a basic 5000 words per day. Raw work, of course. And while some may think that’s just too much, I say meh, I’ve done way better than that. Then, in two months, I should have a good 300.000 words. Not bad.
That’s when the awful part starts: edit, edit, edit. I hate that part.
The next is going for a prize and making the judges choose my work. Cool thing: the highest paying prize, after the Nobel, is for Spanish speaking writers. Which I am.
Then the popularity part comes. I hate that part. Or at least I think I’m going to hate it. Anyway, a small prize to pay to get better deals in the future. Deals that let me stay at home drinking yerba mate.
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ENTRY #17
I’ve been reading quite a lot and not practicing this week. Weird wek.
In any event, I managed to go by point 1 of THE BESTSELLER PROJECT. Just as I said I was going to do. I have 5 plot points. The magic is done. It worked. Period. There are no more plot points, no opening line, no introduction, no title. Is just that. Now I have to get my ass in front of the laptop (or my eyes to the word processor) and start doing the job. Nothing extraordinary, but I haven’t been able to do so during the last days, real life keep getting in the way, I guess.
So, my success at the moment is like this: Orias got someone away for me in the day I wanted so (but not before and not after). Satanachia helped me to improve productivity and to find an item I really needed (but didn’t get someone to reach out to me). Archer’s grimoire proved effective to help someone to emotionally heal and to give me a marketable idea for a book. I have yet to learn if it worked for another person, but I haven’t asked. And doubting like this is probably not a good thing.
Meanwhile, my health issues have been assisted by absolutely nobody. My obsession did slow down when I called Opfaal, but it didn’t last. I called him like 4 times for that. My workings with Sastan to improve my clauriaudience yielded similar results: lots of noise, nothing else. And Marbas, Raphael and Buer couldn’t help with the pressuring matter of some infection that has been aflicting me for a long time. Then again, labs latest results didn’t shed any light on it. Officially, nobody knows what’s happening with me, except that I have an infection of sorts… Penicilin doesn’t work. Treatment for staphylococcus did something… but didn’t cure me. And so on and so on and so on.
All this being said, I asked Buer to heal a fistula. But the new doctor says I don’t have any fistula. So… partial credit? I mean, he can’t heal a condition I don’t have. In my defense, one of the doctors told me he was kind of sure I did have a fistula. But this never beheaves like a fistula… I mean, come on, I know they’re baffled and doing their best to guess what the fuck is wrong with me and throwing everything they can think of. With some luck, something will work, but it has been more than two years with this shit. Point is, I may be able to reach Buer again and just word my petition in some other, more general way.
Because I feel the way I word what I want has something to do with all of this. I try to use the emotional method, but I mix a sentence or two on it. Maybe just out of insecurity, maybe because I just trust words to get things done, probably for both reasons.
Also, I can’t cast spells. Still. So I think I’m going to create my own spells from scratch. If conventional magick doesn’t like me, then I don’t like conventional magic. I’ll start my own. With a casino and whores.
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ENTRY #18
I just finished my three day ritual with the Olympic spirit Phul, with the purpose of making my magic stronger. At some point I’ll do the eleven days ritual in Brand’s 72 Angels of Magick for the same purpose. But I started small.
It had to be done by today. I’m facing three days with enough time to actually practice quite a bit. So I’m throwing away the one-ritual-per-day-tops rule I pulled from my ass and going everything-I-can-do-for-the-next-72-hours. I already did a ritual to get some extra money to buy some extra clothes. I didn’t specify the ammount.
And so, I’ve decided to re-evaluate the big one. Two things to take into account before proceding again (which I already did). One, there was SOME issue in the first place, so that may be a blockade that’s still standing. So the plan is to give Satanachia 7 days to work on it. I invoked her and explained the plan, going blindly because I really don’t know what the issue was.
Second, the girl involved may not have a way to reach me (I changed my number, but she had other means… which she may have lost for whatever reason). So I’m changing that, seven days from now, with a method I’m 90% sure will work. And if this doesn’t work, well, I’ll move on and choose something else to be my milestone. I really like her, so I hope we can get in speaking terms again. Of course, this isn’t a “bring ex back” sort of thing, we weren’t a couple. Is just the perfect scenario, she ghosted me for no reason some time ago and it is pretty damn hard to see a way for her to change her mind. Perfectly inside the boundaries of reality, nothing that contradicts physics… yet, out of reach. But magic is able to give us both the push we need.
A week to start with my part, then.
Anyway, tonight I eat my special bifes a la criolla. I shouldn’t have eat that much. Now I feel like I weight seven tons and can’t do anything. I will be like an hour before I feel comfortable enough to do anything other than bashing myself for eating so much. But I have a good reason!!! Damn dish was delicious. So I don’t think I’m doing anything else before going to bed.
This is how a productive day looks like.
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ENTRY #19
How to survive seeing your world shattered to pieces? That’s why I’m asking. Over the last three days I’ve done five rituals. I’m not really thinking about it. I did it fast, dedicating the least amount of time possible and calling it a day. I’m not lusting for results. I’m not doing anything. I’m not even impatient. I just AM.
That should be great, right? Well, it isn’t. I’ve the idea fixed in my mind: the more results I get, the harder will be to keep my understanding of the world unscathed. And at some point, I’ll have to deal with something that fills me with anxiety: what if I am wrong? What if I have always been wrong? What if all my fucking atheism was for nought? What if the damn afterlife does exist in some capacity? What if the so called spirits are not archetypes? That’s horrible.
I refuse, by all means, to bow or to kneel to anyone. God, demon, angel, spirit, king, president or general. This is kind of a cultural thing, I know, since I’m from a country that was invaded by four empires and survived a bloody dictatorship. But then, what?
I keep reading here the idea of not one afterlife, but many, and that sounds way better. Maybe find a desolated place for myself and construct something? Yeah… but that sounds like fiction to me. Shouldn’t be a problem, a year ago all about magic was fiction to me, and here I am, doing rituals, trying to doing divinations and casting spells and even having some results. How can I not believe in magic? I fear I will eventually say “How can I not believe entities exists as their own individuals?”. I keep thinking and thinking and thinking about entropy and the end of all things. And the more I read the more I hate myself for not understanding something, it seems, everyone else has already figured out.
I envy so much some of you, guys, who had talked with spirits from a young age. And I hate past-me for thinking people like you were a bunch of inferior morons not worthy of my time. Sorry, that’s what I thought. And I mean it: I am sorry. I don’t think I’m a better person now.
Anyway, that’s for an update on my identity crisis.
The things I want from my latest rituals:
-More power to my magick (time will tell).
-Some extra money to buy new clothes (not as shallow as it may seem, I really need to buy new things, I have a pair of shoes that will be a decade old any moment day now).
-Protection for my house (some guy entered the other day without my consent; I just invited him to my front yard, he followed me to the kitchen while I went to look for something).
-New working with Satanachia for the big one. She hasn’t really failed me. The more I think about it, the more it seems there wasn’t a path for the magic to work, so that has been taking into account for this new chapter. But I’m afraid I may be idealizing someone. And that’s never a good thing.
-And to make a neighbor less noisy. Which may be redundant, since I was just informed today they were being so loud since they have some people staying at their house and everything will be back to normal in a couple of days, top.
In other order of things, I toyed today with the bestseller project. Tried to take a few notes, but I couldn’t deal with myself (it happens sometimes) and ended up writing the first page. I don’t like it. I can do better, so I think I’ll just erase everything, or at least I will do some heavy re-writing.
And that’s enough occultism for a day.
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ENTRY #20
I haven’t been practicing since the marathon of rituals, about a month ago. I really wanted to slow down and let things manifest.
I don’t think I have good news.
-More power to my magick —> I don’t know if it worked or not. Most likely, not.
-Extra money —> NO. Just no.
-Protection for my house —> Maybe? I mean, nothing happened, but if my house is protected, nothing is supposed to happen. It’s kind of moronic, if it worked, nothing happens. But if it didn’t work, there is no real reason for anything to happen either.
-The big one —> is not going well. I gave Satanachia 2 weeks instead of one. I did my part. No news. Nothing.
-Less noisy neighboor —> Totally worked. But they had visitors from another city, and they left town in the exact date they were supposed to do so. So, no matter if it worked or not, the outcome is exactly the same.
I don’t know. Doesn’t look like success to me.
I’ve been thinking on other things. In the past, I’ve tried to work with Opfaal, the Angel of Deliverance, for a problem of obsession with some girl. It worked in less than an hour, I experienced a reduction of about 90% in the measurable things (how many times I mentally call her name; etc). But it never lasted more than a day.
After a lot of work, mental work, trying to understand, I now have a new insight on my obsession and the role it plays in my life. And it isn’t pretty, but it is necesary. Opfaal may have not taken the obsession fully because I wasn’t aware of one single fact: I need that obsession to deal with other stuff. I’ll solve that stuff, no matter what, and I’ll try again.
I’m so fucking tired.
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If I’m not back in ten minutes, wait a longer.
Mostly, just wait a little longer or put more energy into each working as you go. If it’s going to work I’m so drained after I want a three course meal and sixteen hours of sleep.
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Thanks for the comment. I really need to hear that.
Problem is, I’ve waited for a little more than a month, just to be sure. And I’m sure I wasn’t lusting for results. Maybe I did something else wrong? Maybe I should have not tried to do several rituals in so little time?
well, there’s nothing wrong with doing several rituals in one go but that creates a flux of energy which sort of clashes with one another, like say you did a ritual for money… and another ritual for another purpose… the energy which comes up from these tend to clash cause the matter’s are quite different and that could slow down the process of your wanted desires…it’s like the energies are mixing but that also slows down since one of them needs to be completed, if you get my point but if they were related to the same goal, it would work one way or another
nothing wrong there but at some point, you just let it go and feel the stuff like it has been already completed, that creates a belief for more opportunities to flow and get the work completed quickly if time is given
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Awful lot of doubt there for a guy who wants manifestations…
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I understand where people are coming from here with this opinion but I disagree. I’ve gone from love to baneful five minutes later and have done also done the reverse successfully.
It’s really a matter of wrapping up the subject and moving onto the next completely for me.
Each thing I’m influencing needs my complete attention for… a min, but when that minutes up I can move I to the next task if my energy is able to sustain another working. Often it is, I don’t work everyday but sometimes I have eight hours sessions when I do. I focus then come back to being mostly human till the next thing needs nudged, or things.
I actually prefer to break things down into steps. If I need Bake cookies I need to turn on/preheat the oven and blah blah, then blah blah. I usually tackle all the issues for each problem separately but in one ritual. Sometimes I realize I need to attack another side of the problem later and do a mini working to add it on. Other times I go from influencing the boyfriends brother, to eliminating someone to protecting my daughter in the span of hours.
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THIS TO BE HONEST. I see how true that is.
But I mean, for a beginner like myself, that may be a bit too much so I just take it slow, if you know what I mean
Like yesterday I had evoked Belial and Glasya-Labolas in one go because I wanted to curse someone’s ass.
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