Hi all, Im looking for your thoughts on this and some advice. My life in general has been pretty much a rollercoaster that I wont go into now, however for the past 3 or so years it has been very settled other than the usual up and downs of life. Im married to a good man, my 2 youngest kids are still at home, who are my whole world and I feel very blessed. BUT since coming to the darker side of magick and working with demons, I keep envisioning myself on my own, I know if me and my husband were to split he would keep the kids and I cant imagine a night away from them. Thats why the recurring thought, and this i pull to being on my own, is really troubling me because it seems to go against my core wants. Its just so strange to me to be having the thoughts and feelings of being on my own when im happy with husband etc but they are niggling in my head fairly consistantly and I feel sure its do with the path im on magickally. I was just wondering if any of you have any insights on this. I dont want any advice on leaving my husband or anything because i have no plans to but I would like to know if you have heard of or experienced this pull to be on your own while walking this path.
First things first: you absolutely don’t have to leave your husband.
Now for the core “issue”:its not an issue at all. Magickal practice requires some alone time so you can focus and reflect. My SO respects my need for spiritual alone time (I actually have meetings with spirits on a regular basis, and for some of them I need everything to leave me the fuck alone, even my golden SO). He understands (as far as he can, that is). This pull towards inner solitude is absolutely healthy. Maybe you can make yourself some room for that, maybe on certain times a week. You know, just like for any other activity without your man.
Yeah that seems sensible, I think also because he’s a muggle it sorta feels like im suppressing who I really am alot of the time if you know what I mean, like this is such a big part of me but I dont discuss any of it with him.
Me neither and thats totally okay, too. My SO was in the incredible awkward position to watch me carving sigils into wood or talking to candles from one day to another and of course he needed to adjust a bit to some stuff. I don’t discuss my workings with him (especially not my inner workings because that sounds nuts even for me,lel), but from time to time he is asking about how things are going and he also witnessed some really weird stuff happening. But I don’t think he misses out on something when I don’t tell him some things, either.
I must say that I felt incredibly lonely when I started this path and I wanted really badly to talk about whats going on. I am kinda healed from that now but I also have some decent people going on for discussion and learning purposes
Thats so good, im glad i found this forum for that reason as im so solitary ( in all walks of life ) he too has always known of my beliefs etc butwe dont ever talk about it and now I seem to be becoming more immersed in it, with my magick taking on a new dimension and new kinds of workings. I think youre right I need to set time aside like this is my time to work on things etc thats good advice. And its good too to know you are in the same situation and its fine
I can say for sure that this has nothing to do with black magick, when person starts becoming succesfull in black magick, their being becomes so pure, that it pulls mongrels towards you, and atleast system lucifer, uses purity of black magicians, to humble beings that get bigheaded, since you solve all problems with your being, you are one of good being to shoot these beings down, understood ?