Confused on what my path should be

i’ve been thinking a lot about all the contradicting things i’ve been seeing in the occult community. one will say you can do this, the other will say you can’t. i have many desires and i want to work towards self deification but i don’t know how to go about it. i hear a lot of contradicting things like that the lhp is for you to indulge but others will say that if you indulge too much, you can end up in the void or a torture plane. i am drawn to the path of defilement which is supposed to make you go insane but some occultists will say it’s best to not go insane. i am also drawn to very dark, negative, and “evil” entities, such as parasites and jehovah. does it make me a bad person that i would like to connect with these entities? as well as, the idea of everything being completely subjective, i’m assuming. i don’t know how the idea of subjectivity works in my reality. there’s no sure answer to really anything. all i want is to have what i desire while simultaneously trying to do good but sometimes i feel like those things could contradict each other or go against my path to godhood. if you have any advice on this topic, please let me know

Truth is, anything works. That’s something that experience has proven time and time again. I highly recommend you buy a copy of ‘The Master Works of Chaos Magick’ by Adam Blackthorne before you navigate the occult any further. It’s inexpensive and yet you wouldn’t believe what you can accomplish with it.

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ok i’ll definitely purchase it soon! thank you

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It is up to you to make the decision. It also depends on what kind of worldview/paradigm/model you use for magick. For instance, do you believe that entities are separate discarnate beings with their own agenda? Or do you believe they’re a part of your own subconscious, or the collective unconscious?

Do you believe in “karma” or “the threefold law” or “backlash”?

Asking yourself, or testing the truth of these for yourself, should help you establish where you stand.

On BALG it’ll literally be a matter of who you ask, so many of us have differing opinions.

In my personal experience, there is no work necessary to achieve self-deification. I personally believe humans have the same powers of creation as any non-physical entity. It’s just a different matter of approach to utilise it.

As long as you practice and experience magick, you’ll eventually come to your own conclusion on what works for you.

You don’t need to be tied to the LHP, or any other philosophy or paradigm. Again, your mindset evolves with time and practice. LHP = indulgence/revenge/hedonism is an oversimplification. Here’s another oversimplification: people raised heavily Christian (or in another organised religion) might grow up to be an obsessive militant atheist, in defiance of the worldview that was forced upon them as a child. LHP practitioners may come from an RHP background which they felt was too restrictive and moralistic.

There is no such thing, unless you truly believe there is, in which case your own power of creation will make it so.

Insanity has its uses if it’s short-lived and follows, or is followed by, a spiritual breakthrough. We call this a “dark night of the soul”.

If you want to follow a certain path then do it.

No. But to be perfectly honest it may make you naïve. In your case I’d examine why you feel drawn to this. There’s nothing wrong with you practicing baneful magick with “evil” spirits. “Do what thou wilt” shall be the whole of the Law.

In my personal opinion, Jehovah/Yahweh is not inherently evil. The thoughtform/egregore named Yahweh or Jehovah, being fed life by blind followers, yeah, maybe. But personally I’d scorn to call on such a being. Again, personal opinion only, it’s more of a title, or a call to the unreliable link to the egregoric God of the Old Testament (and for all we know it’s not one “God” but many conflated into one – El, Ialdabaoth, Yahweh of the Canaanite religion).

Otherwise, Jehovah or Yahweh, and even the name “God” in reference to Christianity, is a poor link to an unreliable thoughtform, which has no true power. The Tao that can be named is not the eternal Tao. “God” or “THE LORD”, Adonai, etc., are just man-made titles in an attempt to explain the inexplicable. The true nature of “God” (Source) is unconditioned consciousness, and our individual link to God (Source) is through our conditioned, individualised consciousness.

It doesn’t make you a bad person to explore your own divinity.

If you have the creative power to manipulate your own reality, you are no less than a god. How your own moral compass swings and settles is up to you and your experience to determine.

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Don’t focus on the opinions of others. Magick can be quite subjectiv and people can be closed minded. My advise is to experiment and figure out what gets you the result your looking for.

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Don’t waste your time focusing on what others would tell you, you’re already confused enough and that because people have a tendency to feed misinformation, however here’s the thing.
You are the basis for your godhood (if that is what you are seeking), no one else.
If you’re seeking information actively you’ll come across more rubbish than you can shake a stick at because it’s someone else’s opinion, put bluntly, fuck opinion, focus on yourself.
If you’re drawn toward “negative, dark, evil”, then that’s what you’re drawn too and if that’s what you’re seeking then there’s no point listening to other people prattle on about what they believe.
Contradiction after contradiction is what you’ll find through the magickal/spiritual community, and someone always has to be “better” than someone else, don’t concern yourself with such rubbish.
Use your instincts, it’s an experience, that technically cannot be taught, BY ANYONE.
You can be given advice, sure, however you are the best judge for what you’re after and what you’re seeking to experience, simply accepting what others have to say like it was “scripture” is about as useful as putting your head in the toilet while you’re trying to take a piss.
Trial and error, experimentation, you’ll find what’s true and false in your own time and in your own experience.
If you’re overly concerned with image eg. “Does that make me a bad person?” you’ll find that peoples opinion is what you’re stuck on, forget about the image, and let yourself come through.
Personally I’m seeing that the reasoning behind the being drawn to “evil” is because you’re too focused on what others think of you and how you view yourself. Low self esteem, is a brutal enemy, grab it by the balls. Just be you and see where it takes you. There’s little need for dissuasion. Do what’s right for you. If you want to walk the “path of defilement”…instead of seeking more confusion, why not walk your own path and start posting your own findings, instead of seeking the approval of others?
The path of defilement is that way (points) go see where it takes you and let us know what YOU find. :slight_smile:

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I agree with some of the things that have already been told to you. This path that we walk is a lonely and fulfilling path once you get a grasp of the direction you want to go. Learn what you can from books but don’t take it as “this is written in stone and it must be true!!!” It is purely another person’s point of view or belief in what they are studying. It’s best to try and learn on your own that way your belief system and ideology will solely be your’s and not another’s based on their experience’s and not your own. UPG is not a bad thing; most people’s beliefs were once UPG so don’t get hung up on what other’s say and do. Try, try, and try different things until you find what best works for you. You never wanted to be swayed by another’s idea or point of view especially when it comes to something as intimate as the occult and your belief system. So I wish you the best of luck on your path to a higher learning.

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i completely agree with you. things are starting to make sense

i’ve been seeing a pattern that when another practitioner says don’t do something or to do something, they mean it from a subjective moralistic stand point. i don’t have to agree with anyone or anything completely

What do you want self-deification for?

That might help.

Once you know what you want in life, it will tell you who you are (and/or aspire to be) and things will come into focus from that.

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thank you for putting it in this perspective. i’m coming to this same conclusion you have. things aren’t black and white like most people think

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thank you so much! i’ll get my own understanding of things

i have to find what i truly want and fuck everyone else

What you guys said @Stillforwardfacing and @Thayliss is something Im trying to putinto practice aswell. There is just one worry I have with it and that is taking a wrong turn somewhere, which imo is bound to happen eventually. And then being rigid about it because “Im going my way, Im not going to liste to other people”. There is probably some balance here that I could strife towards but I dont really see currently how that would look like. Maybe someone was at the same point before and can throw me a bone?

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That kind of thing is a trap, honestly. Just pursue the things you want in life with magick at your side and it’ll work itself out naturally. The Daimonos have a funny way of shifting fate toward it’s necessary ends.

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You could also do a ritual of your choice to find clarity. :slight_smile: People will say all sorts of things, but everyone has their own unique path. As you go through all this info it helps to pay attention to what resonates with you rather than the opinions of other people.

And your opinions are the ones that matter the most in the end. Do you believe it makes you a bad person to seek out “evil currents”? What does it mean to be a bad person to you? What attracts you to them? And so on.

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There is a balance to all things, simply put, going your way means going your way, however, on your way you will inevitably come across things that will either challenge you and/or come to guide you further on your path.
Going your own way also means taking wilful steps of your own accord, in your own direction.
The worry is only slowing you down, because of being too focused on where the path may lead you, you don’t truly go anywhere you don’t so choose to go. So the worry is indeed unnecessary.
Though all choices have consequences, it is also inevitable, but the worry is a choice and feeds into the energies of your path like loose gravel on the road.

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Thank you, I will think about this.
It is true that its slowing me down but at the same time I dont want to just brush it aside mindlessly.

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That’s fair, being mindful is a good thing, I’m sure you’ll find your way.
Glad I could be of some help.

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thank you! i’ll do that