I have noticed, from a very young age, That whenever it seems like everything is going well in life, I have been on the cusp or brink of something tragic or traumatic.

Always unaware, always unexpected. Whenever it seems I’ve reached a happy place in life, my world has been turned upside down, sent spiraling out of control, falling off its orbit.

There are always only two options. Sink or swim, Live or die.

This situations have always lead to astounding levels of personal growth, exhibits of emotional and spiritual strength I didn’t know I possessed and… another short period of happiness.

We all know that there are many spirits know to cause issues like this, cutting out anything in life that holds you back-in order for you to grow and succeed.

What about complacency. Not as a spiritual act, but rather a driving force that causes this extra special how the Fck is this my life? moment.

Often when things are good, we get lazy. We don’t go out of our way to do extra things, to push ourselves harder, prior to so many of these experiences in life- I have tended to take a break and just live when the happiness arrives, for however long it stays.

I’ve been leery of what was to come since around December. I had many conversations with my boyfriend, and my ex-roommate about how I feared what was lurking on the horizon. Never moving in, but always a heavy shadow- waiting for its time to swoop in. It’s upset me at times, because I could not perceive what it would be, only that it would be. I couldn’t perceive when it would. The worst part, was while there is usually only two, or three, or maybe ten Realistic ways for things to go, This time I could loosely trace threads in over 34 different directions- and they all seemed as likely to take place as the next.

This kinda made me Feel helpless. I used it as an excuse to become complacent. When there are less than ten possible outcomes, it is easier to push the scales in the direction you want. Especially if some of them are super unlikely to happen. When there is more than you can even remember in one six hour sitting without writing them down, how do you begin to know where to push. How do begin to know How to proceed if the odds evenly spread so far out.

I’ve said many times that my year here in Washington state… has been on pause. Nothing majorly bad has happened since last May. My gifts and skills and practices have come leaps and bounds further than I expected. My doubt has diminished while never disappearing, it is certainly become lessened. I’ve been happy. But worried-tragedy loomed on the horizon.

Now that tragedy has arrived and I no longer have to worry about how it is coming, I do certainly have to consider how I’m getting out of it. Many things are falling into place quickly. I’m always aware that each step could be a step in the wrong direction.

For example, I did a reading for the ex roommate in March. Her worst fears came out as the future card. This sent her into a spiral, which caused exactly what she feared. If she had continued has normal, nothing would have changed. Unfortunately her fear owned her and she physically, Verbally and very unintentionally manifested what she was trying to prevent. (Btw never tell me you own me and control me and I’m going to do what you want and only what you want- at least if you want to see me again or speak to me again irl. I’ve become quite good at disappearing and burning bridges.)

When I come out the other side of this tragedy and renter a happy period, I do hope someone reminds me not to become complacent. I hope someone reminds me to enjoy my happiness but keep my skills sharp, my eyes open and to prepare for the next one.

There will be a next one, there always will be a next one.


I have thought the very same thing many times. Like as soon as everything is going well or just OK something comes along and makes life worse then before.

And yeah the feeling that something bad is always attached to something good is a very stressfull way to live. I go through the same thing every month. I have PMDD so it will never go away. When Im in the thick of it I’m losing my mind. When the storm has passed I feel a sense of relief AND impending doom because I know of what will surly come again. It use to make me feel so down. But like you I just learned to enjoy the good while it lasts.

Ummm, why are you quoting me! Lolol :joy:

But this is my new plan of action…when things are going super great; I’m gonna give up something. Make a sacrifice. A donation. But one that actually means something to. Cause I swear, the universe doesn’t want us to be too damn happy so we gotta give some of it back! Lolol. Sounds silly but I’m gonna give it a try.

Best of luck to you Keteriya :handshake:

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I have comments but I still haven’t slept and it’s 6:30 am lmao.

Let me apologize again for my typos. I try so hard to find them while I can still edit a post, but it always seems I find dozens and dozens more when I come back later.

Note to self: maybe I should Start posting exclusively from my msi leopard so that I can use scrivener to catch more of my errors. I’ve never used balg on my computer but. Meh if I have to get up to write a post maybe I’ll put more thought into it or not post.

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I always say I’ll answer soon and then answer ten other things first.

Is this a specific type of depression or something else? I’m sorry I don’t recognize the acronym offhand.

This is the first time I’ve the impending / looming darkness feel. I’m much more open and willing to listen to my gut and other things now than I ever have been though- so even though I’ve always known things I couldn’t at times, I’ve never felt certain tragedy was coming for me.

I’m not sure :thinking: if it’s I’m more open to everything and bake to perceive more, or if this was a one time case so to speak or what. I just know that good has always ended with tragedy which leads to growth and happiness and away I go on this never ended Ferris wheel of cycles, the scenery and experiences are always changing, by the cycle does not.

I’ve said this for years. I’ll ghost anyone in a minute, even if they are important to me if I think that’s what’s needed. My best friend of 11 years thought he was immune last year till he crossed a line in text to me. No one touches what I call mine, puts it at risk, or in jeopardy.

He Was essentially being a drunk duesh bag, but my response the next day was to send him a picture of my naked on the couch with my boyfriend sprayed in between my legs with his head on my hip and his fingers pinching my nip.

My words were: you seem mine a man with doubt. Don’t be. I’m not.

I burn bridges really well when I feel the call to do so lmao :stuck_out_tongue:

I like your plan. I’m not sure it will work for me since i tend to not indulge in materialistic items, but I’ll ponder it.

Good luck to you as well.

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