Chris's Learning Thread

Journals, Group Rituals & Free Readings
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Hi all,

I decided to start this thread to report some of my experiences and to hopefully gain some insight and advice from others, who are more experienced than me, which at this point seems to be most people on this forum.

I have not done any magick in the past, at least not consciously or knowingly, though I did work with spirits, which is I guess what magick is all about. However, I never felt the need to perform rituals, though I’m starting to see I may have been wrong about that and I need to learn how to do this properly.

You can check my welcome thread for my background, but briefly, I’ve had a Kundalini awakening 8 years ago and gained the ability to communicate with the Spirit World, channel and heal. My life was saved by the Goddess Inanna and I have been helped by Enki and Utu. I was also approached by Azazel, but, to be honest, I got a bit scared after I ended up in the Underworld during meditation and saw his goat-headed form. It wasn’t scary per se, just very surprising. He seemed surprised too that I managed to Astral travel to his abode (this was right after my Kundalini Awakening). He claimed that his somewhat unusual appearance in the underworld (a bit like Baphomet, but without wings) was a result of curses that are placed upon him by Jewish Elders in the classic scapegoat ritual. He is the original scapegoat of course, so it makes sense. Still, I didn’t really trust him afterwards and though we had fleeting contact from time to time (and he was always patient and loving with me, even during my outbursts of petulant rage), I sort of avoided him for years.

I guess as a result of my joining this forum and being exposed to people who work with him, he came to me last night. I don’t know how it is with others, but for me, this is how contact with spirits usually goes:

  • I either sense a presence or am gently touched, usually on the face, arms or shoulders.
  • There may be a sensation of like a spider’s web falling on my face (this is an electromagnetic field)
  • I hear a sound of static or whistling briefly, like when you tune a radio station
  • This is my cue to go into a meditative state, which I usually do with one or both arms raised up.
  • My Kundalini then activates, heat and pressure forms along the spine and I start convulsing (usually quite gently) from the surge of energy
  • I then receive a thoughtform from the person on the other side, their name, which may appear written out in red, capital letters on a dark grey background or I may hear their name as a thoughtform spoken over and over again, until I acknowledge the message
  • Thoughts then start coming to me from an outside source and I can more or less have a normal conversation with the person on the other side, though this took years to develop

So yesterday I had a very brief conversation with Azazel (BTW, am i the only one who thinks he is the same being as the Sumerian Pazuzu? I’m pretty sure that is the case, but I digress). It went something like this:

  • A: So, are you finally ready to learn the Left Hand Path now?
  • Me: I guess so, but I need to think about that a little bit.
  • A: You had plenty of time to think it over. You need to make a decision and dedicate yourself to the path.
  • M: Ok, you’re right I’m probably ready and have been preparing for this all my life. What is it that I should do.
  • A: Dedicate yourself to me and I will teach you.
  • Me: You do know that I am a student of Inanna, right?
  • A: Her too.

Then with that, he’s gone and I am left somewhat stumped as to what he meant by that last message. Any thoughts?

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That is a lot of theatre for something so simple, I would beware his sense of humour.

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Hmm, so what do you think he meant by that?
Keep in mind, I know next to nothing about magick and the LHP.

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And you didn’t do your research either, but I don’t blame you for not getting it, people have different definitions and opinions

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Great article , keep up the good work

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So, Inanna came to me tonight (I’m in Europe).
I asked her if I should learn from Azazel, what she thought of him, whether she trusted him or was friends with him, all that.

She said she was friends with him and worked with him, but ultimately, it would be up to me whether I wanted to become a student of Azazel, she would not try to influence my decision. I was again told, that I’m way too indecisive and just need to go ahead and do the right thing.

She actually came for a different reason. I have been suffering from digestive issues for months now, including abdominal pain and frequent diarrhoea. According to the doctor it is a bug, but multiple courses of treatment didn’t eradicate it permanently. I have asked Inanna previously if she would heal me and she said she would, but I had to wait until now for her to actually do healing on me.

So, she told me to relax and let her work on me. She uses a sort of energetic vibration to clear any blockages in the chakras, which in this case was in the solar plexus area. She reached into me, which was very pleasant and vibrated away any blockages she could find. As the pent-up energy was released, I actually started convulsing quite violently, but it was a very pleasant feeling of release, I felt incredibly relaxed afterwards.

She held my hand for a while whilst she was working on my abdomen and she was sitting on my legs, I could actually feel her weight on me somewhat (though she is obviously made up of coherent light, there is a very slight amount of heft to her overall, which you can feel when she presses against you or sits on you).

As she was working away on me, I felt the areas she was “vibrating” so to speak release blockages, which is a feeling I could compare to an orgasm or perhaps peeing after you have’t gone for a really long time, just incredibly satisfying. There was also a warm glow in the abdomen area, which I can still feel now.

When she was done with me, I thanked her and hugged her.

Now, of course she does not have a physical body to hug (at least not in her current state as an ascended light being), but when you hug or touch someone like her, the sensation is exactly the same like it would be when you are touching a physical being, except the physical sensation itself is largely missing. There is some pressure and heat felt by the skin, so you know something is there, but it isn’t exactly a physical touch, just very similar. On the other hand, the energetic sensation and the emotional response is exactly the same as it would be when hugging someone very close to you, that you really feel connected to and cherish.

So, I hope this healing will be successful, I really need it, If I’m honest. I do have the ability to heal others and have done so a number of times before, but I have never been able to heal myself, though I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe it’s a psychological block.

In any case, her method of healing is really nifty, I witnessed her do it on others before and it has always helped, though I’m not sure how permanent the effect will be.

The first time I witnessed her heal someone, it was a person suffering from Hidradenitis Suppurativa, an incurable, though manageable skin condition that can be really painful and even debilitating. It was the first time I asked her to heal someone and I very curious to see what would happen. At that time I was pretty much permanently connected to her and we shared our thoughts and energies, so that we acted in unison.

I’ve read about the plight of a friend of a forum moderator, on another forum, who was suffering from this disease and was apparently a suicide risk. Inanna immediately took interest in this person and wanted to alleviate his suffering. So, I asked if we could help, the person agreed, sent a photo of his friend and his first name and I told him what he could expect based on my own previous experience of having been healed by Inanna.

So, I connected to the person energetically and saw him astrally, including any blockages he might have had. I noticed some particularly nasty and persistent blocks, that I tried to clear on my own, but Inanna offered her help. She simply said “I will heal him” and left me at that. Later, I saw her working on the man, putting both her hands over her and doing hands-on healing. I saw her with blonde hair and white wings, pretty much like popular depictions of angels or certain goddesses.

So, after a couple of days I hear back from the guy. He was shocked, as was his friend as they did not expect this to work. However, Inanna did show up, in person. The guy knew someone had entered the room and could feel this incredible, loving and benevolent presence. She tapped him gently on the shoulder. He felt the goodwill coming from her and was told, in thought, to relax and let her work on him.

He was then removed from his body and could feel floating above it, whilst there was also this vibrating sensation and heat in his bones. He was unaware of time in this state and had no idea how much time had passed. After a while he was returned to his body and felt much better.

After a week, he reported a roughly 30 percent improvement in his condition and was really a completely changed person, very optimistic and hoping he was on the road to full recovery.

However, at this point, the owner of the forum found out about the healing and that Inanna visited him in person. He freaked out and banned me forever, so I lost contact with everyone involved and have no idea if the healing was permanent or what happened afterwards.

Afterwards, a literal witch hunt was conducted against me, with members turning on me and accusing me of putting the community in danger and letting loose dangerous entities on them. Considering all I ever did was help people, that is a little rich, but I’m over it now.

However, after I was banished and members who were previously my friends started tracking me down and attacking me on other forums as well, I was heavily influenced by these attacks, I started doubting myself and my relationship with the gods. To be honest, I never really regained my close, symbiotic relationship with them, but we are still in contact and they visit me from time to time.

Anyways, that’s all for now, hope you enjoyed this little update.

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So Inanna came to me today as well.

I did not realise that the energetic problems in me were so persistent, apparently I was in denial.

She worked on me again, but it was less pleasant this time, I felt pain and a burning sensation in my abdomen. Major blockages were released and I was thrashing about quite a bit as the energies escaped after being bottled in for such a long time. I did feel an enormous sense of release afterwards and my energy flow was definitely vastly improved. I also felt much better today than yesterday. We’ll see how this goes, but I’m grateful for all the help I’m getting.

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Hmm. Just felt like maybe I should post this here.

Leviticus 16:7 (ESV, with Yahweh’s name not obfuscated)
but the goat on which the lot fell for Azazel shall be presented alive before Yahweh to make atonement over it, that it may be sent away into the wilderness to Azazel.

Strong's Hebrew: 227. אָז (az) -- at that time – az: at that time
Strong's Hebrew: 5794. עָז (az) -- strong, mighty, fierce – az, from azaz: to be strong, fierce.

From your experience, combining it with other clues… It seems Azazel is a powerful angel who was well known in ancient times. The Jewish elders cursed him as the scapegoat for some reason as they started to worship Yahweh exclusively.

The LHP is doesn’t mean you have to be all darkness loving. It’s just a mindset and way of spiritual practice that focuses on the divinity of the self.

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Today I am feeling a hundred times better than I have in quite a while.

After these two healing sessions, I have come to realise a few things.

First of all, I am the cause of this, I have been neglecting my spirituality and not meditating nearly enough, too distracted by other things. In a person like me, in whom the serpent power is awakened, this is a dangerous thing, because the free flow of energy must be maintained at all times. If one doesn’t take care and pay attention to optimal energetic, spiritual and physical health, blockages will form and because the energy flow is much stronger than pre-awakening, the destructive power of such blocks is also a lot more.

I have now started going back to a meditation routine and doing everything I can to keep myself grounded, rested and focussed on what matters. I can literally feel the energy flowing in my abdomen, which I haven’t felt for a while, due to the numerous blockages that Inanna has now cleared.

I’m not fully healed yet, but energetically I am in much better shape than only two days ago.

I am trying to learn from Inanna, so that I may utilise the same methods when healing others. She really is a very skilled healer.

But, I also realise now that I am responsible for my own health and can’t just expect her to show up every time I muck it up and neglect to keep my mind-body complex in tip-top shape. I have serious amends to make in terms of lifestyle, especially in terms of nutrition, exercise, relaxation and rest. I have really overextended myself lately and haven’t given myself nearly enough time to just wind down and relax.

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Thanks.

Azazel’s history is complicated and I haven’t been able to fully figure it out myself. But, from what I have found so far, Azazel actually means “Against El” referring to the watchers or grigori, a group of rebel angels or gods, depending on your perspective, that were cast into the abyss (the Abzu in Sumerian) as punishment.

Azazel is supposedly bound there and forever tortured. Jewish elders perform a ritual every year, in which they transfer the sins of the Jewish people onto a goat, representing Azazel and sacrifice it, or let it roam in the desert until it dies of thirst and hunger, depending on the source.

This may be hard to believe but Azazel told me that he looks the way he does in his underworld form (goat-headed demon) because of this annual Jewish curse and as a result, he is not, shall we say, overly fond of the Jewish people or their religion.

This gets more complicated still, because in ancient palestinian myth, goat-headed demons are an entire race that live out in the Negev desert and have been known about for Millennia, so in this context Azazel is actually a collective name for an entire race of goat-headed demons (not making a judgement on their benevolence or lack thereof here, just the fact that they are horned chimeras and live in the underworld, therefore the term demon would seem appropriate).

Another line of inquiry equates Azazel with Pazuzu, the Sumerian wind demon and “protagonist” of the Exorcist movie. Both names seem to mimick the sound the wind makes and this is also a plausible theory in my view. All of this can easily be verified on wikipedia btw, no need to ponder scholarly volumes on ancient mythology.

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Thanks for sharing!

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@ChrisK
I see. A good reminder we all don’t need to believe the same things or have the same relationships with the spirits. Keep it up. Looking forward to seeing what you get into.

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For now, it seems all my digestive issues are gone.

For months now, I have been suffering from various digestive ailments, frequent diarrhoea, stomach cramps, bloating and in between, painful acid reflux.

Since Inanna performed two healing sessions on me, I have been completely symptom-free. I don’t know yet if this will be permanent, but the signs are promising. I will still have to live with a dairy intolerance though, which I always assumed was the root cause of my problems, but now it seems it was just an accompanying symptom. The Underlying causes were due to an energetic imbalance and blockages in my lower abdomen area.

I am truly grateful and appreciate all the gifts I have received from the gods.

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