Changing an inherent perception: Drawing power from the cold.
I’ll start with the premise to save time, and below is how it all came to me.
I’m looking for help and tips in drawing power from cold. I understand the degree of internal alchemy this will take.
But I am and always have been, seen myself as and felt at my core as an extension of fire, that it is my element, my truth, my beginning and my end, as if I was born of it to be returned to it. ( I’ve always ran warm, a Leo, and fire scrying was my first intro to the occult at the age of 4, I would have panic attacks due to trauma and upon looking at a flame for the first time and every time after my mind would dissociate into the dance of the flame and within seconds cause a feeling of taking a Xanax, rather a calm wash over as if my parasympathetic nervous system was reset, the way that kumbhaka and breathe holds reset it PNS.
I have changed my relationship with “cold” from something dreadful, an enemy, a nuisance, to a warm and welcoming friend. I welcome it and its energy as a lover.
And have been only taking cold showers this entire year. I am working out a meditative practice involving snow and an outdoor location I meditate at where my first kundalini visions occurred. These visions were of me walking out to a frozen harbor where the entire sea was frozen and ships were frozen into the harbor. in my visions I join a group to meditate on this frozen ship on this frozen sea in the midst of a morning blizzard, entering while a father/son combo left, myself taking their place.
I think this vision was a spirit informing me or pointing me in the direction of doing “cold energy work” as if it were signs to affirm that I was to learn to “draw power from cold/winter”
I’d like this to be an open discussion about working with these elemental energies.
This morning I woke up earlier than most, and decided to work out, I hopped on bike for warmup ride to gym and found it was the first day of snow this winter. The sky was deadened and gray, and it was snowing.
I immediately was reminded of countless winters of being “cold, stiffened, rigid, drained of energy” both physically mentally and energetically.
I noticed this energy in myself this morning and surrendered my sight to the falling snow, imagining each piece of snow
landing viscerally, i.e. I imagined snowflakes landing on my sinuses… and with each one I felt the cold and melting water, and felt the inflamed tissue slowly relax and release until my sinus drained and I could breathe ( 30 seconds of what felt like an hour).
I rode off on my bike focused completely on the snow falling and each snowflake’s cold touch releasing tension and thoughts as I slowly fell into a meditative state.
Images came back of how winter sucked and it was all just how i perceived it and my relationship to it.
I then remembered the energy drain of winter as a concept and felt my energy waning
I decided that I no longer wished to feel such emotions about winter and the cold. I no longer could “hibernate” and retreat into the comfort of my abode. I remembered all the times I’ve pushed my body and mind to the extreme to get into so far out of my comfort zone it was borderline traumatic. almost being swallowed by the Indian ocean swimming naked in the southern shores of Goa during monsoon season as a 12 year old, jumping from 10+ feet cliffs and trees and buildings, ice baths in the dead of winter, instense running through torrential rain, freezing temps or scorching temps. to putting myself in the face of whatever childhood trauma. To forcing myself into traumatic social situations for years to domesticate myself like an animal.
I remembered how i felt most alive in this situation and felt the most prominent energetic experiences of my life. That it was in these moments exploring discomfort was where I found the truths i sought.
I heard whispers from my younger self, and phrases of power (personally charged mantras) I had created and used in my younger years to reprogram my consciousness/psychology.
“extreme to extreme but never in between” kept ringing in head, and i recalled how this was a clever way of understanding Squeeze theorem in Calculus 1 in high school.
I repeated it to myself and went for a ride in 20 degrees and snow pelting my face. I relaxed into a meditative state again, and tried to “feel” the energy of the snow and winter storms.
I was able to sense the “reduction of heat” or rather the absence of heat, as stillness the way a vast river/ocean is still but moving slowly and powerfully at the same time.
Now cold is the absence of heat and a form of “anti-energy” which i suppose is just another form of energy for my purposes here.
I’m looking for some water/air elemental practices I think.
with which to understand the inherent cold aspect of those.
