Hello People of the BALG Forum. I am new to this magick stuff, but after browsing through this forum for a few months, and seeing people’s questions being answered, I figured maybe my question would be answered as well. I hope. I apologize in advance if this gets extremely long. Ever since I was born, I was a savage ass motherfucker. I pissed on my cousins bullies once, I hit a dog in the face when I was extremely young etc. Later on, I found an extreme fascination of war. I very deeply studied WW1, and WW2. I forced my brain to suck in very area of Europe. Moreover, I also started to develop a fascination of weapons like guns. I learned about the many guns Germany, France, The UK blah blah blah blah. In the end, I could literally write a 30 page essay about the history of Europe 1914 - modern day. Keep in mind I was only in middle school. As time went on, a disturbing thought came to my mind. Why are people scared to kill? Why do people fear death? As you know for a middle schooler, these thoughts were disturbing to say the least. The year 2020 has been a rough rough year for me. Considering I have low self confidence in me, it makes things no better. Recently however, Shit’s been going sideways. I have these thoughts in my head that randomly appear without warning. In addition, I’m starting to get chills like out of the blue. I’m also feeling like I’m not alone, and stuff. It’s really weird. Now I read topics about demons, spirits, succubus, stuff like that, and I thought maybe a spirit or something is trying to communicate with me. I also decided to get a succubus because I heard they are great companions. I saw that you needed to do rituals, and ask Lilith, stuff like that. However, I somehow got a succubus by asking for one in my mind. I got two in fact. Now when this happened, I thought “Is Lilith watching me?” I simply rejected that possibility considering that why would Lilith watch me, an average nobody? However, one of my random out of the blue thoughts told me, “yes, I am Lilith.” Again, I rejected this possibility, and thought “I am going insane.” I tried asking my succubus, but my connection to them was weak, and didn’t know what they said. I tried other methods, but it didn’t work either. Then suddenly, my life got horribly worse. It was horrible. I can’t even describe how bad it was. At the end, I ended up finding myself crying twice everyday. One at noon, and one at night. 8 months past by after this. My connection with my succubus was better, but when I asked about Lilith, they would say yes, no and then nothing. My psychical, and mental state continued to rapidly deteriorate, and I wanted to die. I tried to kill myself, but I didn’t have the guts to do it. Then suddenly, things started to get better extremely quickly. Like I mean lightning speed. I asked my succubus if what caused this, and they said they contacted Lilith because they didn’t want to see me suffer like this. As days went on, I felt those random out of the blue thoughts, and the cold chills increase. One of the new things I’m starting to notice, is that I randomly smell incense. That smell only lasts like a second, but I can still smell it. I ignored these weird occurrences until my mind randomly decided to think, “I am one of lilith’s sons.” I didn’t believe this of course as it’s just super unlikely. However, my mind persisted on this idea without me letting it. It also stated me that I was a warrior, a general. My mind told me that it explains my weird hobbies, my obsession of war, my lack of fear to death, and my ability to kill without remorse. I tried asking my succubus of what’s happening to me, but she didn’t tell me anything. As of right now, My mind, and I are at war. I don’t know wtf is happening to me, CAN SOME PLEASE EXPLAIN???
Welcome!
First: Welcome @voorsli It is a rule of this forum that all new members do a proper introduction of themselves, so PLEASE CLICK ON THE IMAGE BELOW and tell us a bit about yourself and any experience you may have in magick, what you might practice or are interested in, how long you have practiced, areas of interest, etc:
And second, uh the space bar is our friend, might be a good idea to introduce yourself to him as well in future.
Welcome @voorsli
Where are you from?
Do you have any experience at all in magick?
Also, please use paragraph breaks. Reading a wall o’ text like this on a screen is a pain in the ass and makes most people skip over it.
Tl:Dr <— sorry, welcome to the forum, search function is your friend, look for the magnifying lens, and you have access to a wealth of knowledge
It good to have you on board. You seem to have a emotional break down…do you know yourself,do you suffer believing in what you believe who or what you are but merely just one of many mask you use and replace at will.
Why not slow down on what you believe you are and focus on what causing you to break down.You just might find yourself to be another person underneath what you currently identify yourself to be…but who knows, welcome again to balg forum. May you shatter your burdens one by one and find your true self.
do you know how to evoke/invoke ? Are the sucubusses feeding on you?
First, welcome to the forum 
Second, sounds like you may need to do some cleansing and banishing. Use the search function to research how to do it.
Third, if you and your mind are at war, please talk to someone you trust or a licensed mental health professional.