I am new to the forum, I am here because a friend of mine recommend it, so nice to meet you all.
I have recently being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I am 31 years old so it has been like 20 years of hell in my life (I don’t know how you define “hell”, but I mean, horrible, horrible, painful, confusing existance).
I have always thought that I was just a depressed person. I have been given with antidepressants because of that, but, I never felt “so much better”. Yes, the medication help me to control some sadness, but not always. So I just thought I was just a lost cause. Sometimes “magick” help me to stay balance too, because I made oferings to pachamama or went to make some ayahuasca sesions, because I heard they were excelent to treat or control depression. But never fully bealived in “magick” because in a very religious contry (I live in Bolivia), rituals are asociated to some form of religion one way or another, and I come from a very atheist, academic family, wich is very weird here. I also didn’t bealive in magick because (making the asociation in magick with religion and dogma) historically, catholic religion ruined so many cultures, for many years (until to this day, we have to figth with the toxic ideas that catholic religion made in my country, like racism, corruption, dogma, afraid of individuality, etc).
Anyway…I didn’t bealive in magick until I tried, because in my lowest points I was so desperate to find some way, to find something that could help me to survive and I became friend of some type of people that I would never thought I could be friend, one specially trully bealives in angels and demons, and she is the one who introduce me some material and some cool videos. One of those videos where, of course, E. A. Koetting videos and I became fascinated with the idea not only “surviving”, but living your best live possible. Never in a million of years I could consider myself a “GOD” because I have always lived through the circumstances (economic, psychological, mental, etc) and never ever consider that I could shape my own reality. Maybe I was just resign to live depressed for the rest of my live.
I just did some little spells, but they worked. I am now interested in do evocations of angels and demons, but I am afraid of my mental state to do it.
I have read that BDP treatment is a thing called "Dialectical Behavior Therapy) wich sadly doesn’t exist where I live. I have asked and all the psychologists do is “behavioral therapy” wich I tried, but don’t think It worked. I don’t know if because that type of therapy doesn’t work or because is a type of therapy psychologists don’t know how to do it, because they almost never treat people with Borderline Personality Disorder. (Again, this is because in my country “mental health” is a luxury, people still live like in the 19th century with ideas like if you have depression, you are CRAZY). Just that, there is a lot of social jugment against people who suffers openly abouth any mental condition (like all poor countries, if you suffer you are not man enough to be succeful, people asume the worst thing to experience are hunger, cold, poverty, not being able to have a roof or a bed to sleep, etc…so if you sad you are just “sad” you are most probably a coward, a loser, etc. Even if you belong to middle class or hi class, this is the perception of society on the subject).
My question is if it is save to contact any type of entity when you are in a fragile state of mind. Depressed for example. It is not something I am going to be able to change soon, so. If you tell me there is nothing to worry about I would like to try my first evocation rigth away.
Thank you for reading this! I hope to get some answers here, because I don’t know where else I could talk about this issues.
