November 22, 2019. Sitting in my kids school parking lot waiting for them to be released.
Hot damn, theres alot to browse thru. Journals and diaries I mean. Been thinking about doing something like this for awhile now but for awhile I got sidetracked by things in life and let my spiritual pursuit sit on the shelf until a week ago when I finally found my drive and motivation. Been trying to improve my connection with my spirits but if I’m honest about it, looking back…I might have been rushing things. I feel this sort of desperation to bond with them, and wanting more than the iffy murmurs of my inner voice that leaves me wondering if I’m talking to myself or if they still use that to commune with me. I want a more discernable change I can be sure of so I dont have those doubts.
Tried to bring my first in (I’ll be posting an interesting fun bit to read on that in a bit.) And commune more. Been brushing up and refreshing myself on clairaudience since I tried Psychic Development for the Magician by @AdamThoth and got a VERY real response before I even got half way into the method. I thought that with that I could try to have a more in depth convo with her. When I tried last night to relax, get myself into a meditative state, and call her…I didnt get anything. Not even a whisper.
Alittle defeated by that, but I vowed to continue since I’m always telling them that I’ll get better, that I WILL get better. And become stronger so we can have stronger encounter and I wouldnt be doubting myself at times even tho its been 10 years since I started with her as my first. So for today, took a nap while listening to some lucid dream by Kelly Howell after reading up on refreshing on some topics related to spirit communication and problems. And man! Although faint…I think i felt what I would describe as a faint energy (if that makes sense) on my right arm in bed. Like…if someone was snuggling up to me perhaps. It might have done something. I’ll be doing what I should have been doing for ages past: actual mediation.
Gotta throw together some kind of schedule or something. For the most part I feel like I have this huge disorganized mess on a desk of various things I’m trying to do but in no real particular order. Other than that, heres to hoping for better night than last night!