*Lirach tasa vefa welhc Belial*
Good day everyone, Onion here.
I’m feeling a little nostalgic right now, remembering my fandom days when I used to write pretty looking blogs. So, I’m going to try make this post pretty as well.
I had decided to make a separate post for Lord Belial the day I began working with him-which was 27th July, 2021. I keep most of my stuff in my journal, but this is both a thank you post for everything he has taught me and done for me, as well as parts of my working which are not documented in the journal from the beginning to end (not everything, of course. just the highlights).
There’s this thing-whenever a new spirit enters my life, if EA has a video on them it fills my YouTube recommendations. Always. Before I approached him EA’s videos on Lord Belial were everywhere I saw. Everyone seemed to be talking about him and leading to him. So I did what I always do, read up, research and take some time out to know what I wish to achieve. I’ve gone in blind with Hades before, and we both agreed that we would work at a later time. I did not want to do this with Lord Belial, especially Lord Belial.
I was intimidated by other’s experiences, I definitely was. Scared? Not really. Wary? A little bit. I’m a sensitive person in general, and my mental health was something I was concerned about. But, a YouTuber I watch (Ancient Divine Flames if you want to check out the channel) said,“Belial is intense, yes. He’ll be the harshest teacher but he will also be a blanket. He will walk with you, he won’t pamper you.” I’m not sure if “pamper” was the word she used, but it helped me understand that I won’t get what I won’t be able to handle. And if it gets too much, I can (and did) tell him that I can’t take it anymore.
Before I get too in detail about my experience, I’d like to mention again (although people already know) that each experience is subjective. I practice in secret. I do not have an altar outside, but my Book of Shadows is my altar. I dedicate a few pages to each spirit and do my level best to decorate it and keep things they like with those pages. I light incense, I meditate. I have only recently started invoking, and I’ve only invoked Lucifer and Michael. My year(s) of experience? The April of this year marked my 1 year of starting magick.
The first time I introduced myself to Lord Belial, I saw him walk in a circle around me and look at me as he did so. I understood he was analyzing me. What I wanted from working with him, was to reach the next level of my ascension. To recognize what was hindering me in my progress and magick and get them out of the way. To become stronger.
Initially I couldn’t talk to him. I just felt like there was a spiritual block or restrict button making me unable to see what he posted. He showed his presence for a few seconds and then disappeared. I had started to question if he was even there! But as I continued to meditate with his enn and ask him questions, attempt to talk to him and try hard to get something from him he eventually came through and there was regular communication.
My first lesson, was on fear. Me not being afraid of anything outside but me being afraid of myself, of change and of all the differences it would bring. I looked forward to doing new things and changing myself, while at the same time I was afraid of the emotions it would bring. Not my emotions, but the emotions that would be triggered in me by my family because of said changes. Namely- anxiety, stress and loneliness.
The answer-fuck them, I’m living in denial. I am not what my family thinks of me, I am not what society thinks of me. I am who I will to be. The one accountable for my decisions is me. If their happiness relies on me then it’s not my fault. It was their choice and they are accountable for it. I go against the grain, I’m pretty sure all of us here do. We go against the grain because we have the will to do so. My first lesson, was me accepting myself for who I am. The biggest person I had masked my identity from was me.
I am not [my name], who studied from [school] and got [%].
I am [my name], I am an artist, I am a magician and many other things including my trauma. I broke the mask I held to myself. This was a liberating process.
My second lesson was regarding my career. For the longest time I had thought med school was the way for me. Getting doctor play sets as a kid, playing doctor, all of that stuff. But ever since last year, something felt off. Ever since I started working with Lord Belial, everytime I tocuhed the question banks for the entrance exam, my books, I felt drained af. Tired, sad, irritated. I started losing my creativity spark.
I thought it was because of his energy, then one day I heard “psychology”. It hit me like a truck. For the past few years I had drowned myself in various texts, thinking I was learning about mental health when it was academically speaking, psychology. I was happy, overly happy. I found my calling, psychology would also go hand in hand with my magick, I would be able to work independently while keeping in touch with my creativity! Then came the guilt.
Of all the childhood toys, the books, the money spent behind tutions, classes, school. All the competitions I wasn’t allowed to participate in, all the family events I missed for a hollow dream. This internal shift was difficult. To believe and assure myself that I won’t be less of a person if I decided to not pursue medicine. All the status, all the glorified hard work and stress, nah. Not for me. Too restricting for me, too suffocating. As I chipped away that mindset I had understood that the biggest obstacle was right in front of me and I was blind to it. Taking me to the third lesson-
Which was about my “family”.
The people who think art is a waste of time, that my hobbies are a waste of time and do no good. Who said it’s fine when I had to quit my guitar classes for tuition because I wouldn’t be “pursuing it as a profession anyway.” By then I had 3 years of lessons under my belt, a junior diploma in music. And I left it all behind. Now, I’m trying to pick it up again. Pick up my paintbrushes and my pen.
My third lesson, was that the people who I considered my family, are the biggest hurdle on my growth. I don’t know how many of you read and followed my “need help, sort of urgent” post, but if you did you would know it was the worst time of my life. The lowest, the most painful and gruesome. The only reason I was able to keep my sanity was because of my lovely friends and the spirits I work with.
I was gaslighted, emotionally abused, called a liar and a quitter by my “family”. Abandoned again, was called crazy. No one was there with me, except my friends, my guides, and the spirits I had petitioned. I reached a low where I told Lord Belial that I couldn’t take it anymore. It didn’t get any better, but I felt a little stronger.
I saw a quote, when I was on the swing and the weather was windy.
“You don’t love your mother, you love the idea of a mother.”
It hit me hard, it was a post by I think a therapist, from a page on childhood trauma. I kept lying to myself thinking that something was wrong with me that caused all the problems. I regretted making the wrong choices, but now I’m at peace with them. My biggest lesson, was this. The ones I call family, are for name only. They are neither safe, nor good for me.
That time, everything was challenged-my magick, my resilience, my strength. And it was also the point where I felt my strongest, where I felt my magick flow through me. The energy was overwhelming and it felt like all obstacles in front of me was a stone I could crush. Lord Belial guided me to use this energy to actually do that. Empowering my visualizations and manifestations.
I feel proud af when I look back at what I achieved. The moment we finalized psychology I felt his energy strongly, I wanted to yell “YES” and punch a wall. It didn’t stop there, he was with me every step of the way till the payment for the admission was done and nothing could interfere with me getting to college.
I have achieved everything I wanted to achieve with this working. I am stronger, I give 0 fucks about people who don’t understand or share or even support my vision, my clair-sentience is stronger too. Lord Belial also took care of a spiritual bully when I was unaware something was happening. It was hella difficult, but everytime I felt down or like giving up, he would sit with me till I felt better, and shake me to get back on my feet and support me to keep going.
Since I was (and am) not ready for working with blood, I did not offer him my blood. My offerings included incense, art, my time, and coffee. He said coffee once and I offered it to him twice! I was not possessed by him either.
Lord Belial, he’s like an uncle to me. This will not be the last time I work with him, I know he will be back when the time comes.
He will put you through the wringer, keep communicating with him, analyze your rage when you feel it. Why are you feeling it? The body responds to things it knows are unsafe. What is making you feel unsafe? A person or a situation? Lord Belial brings that to light and makes you dissect it. He doesn’t give it to you, it’s like he’s developing your muscle memory to do it. At least that’s what I think. The important thing, is to never lose trust in yourself, and your trust in him.
That’s all for now. Keep going folks, you got this:muscle: I hope you have a good day
Strong power, thank you.
(If you know the reference, you know ).
And thank you, Lord Belial. You’re fucking amazing and really cool🤘