BALG Sanctum of Linuriel

Yeah, I’ve had it with know-it-all science types.

I’m pretty bare bones with my magick practice, but I appreciate beautiful tools and craftsmanship of all sorts. Even though my set up is pretty basic, I do appreciate the work I do put into it.

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Update 46 MC

My vessel is broken in so many ways that just looking at it makes me feel drained.
I am working on a dozen fixes, but low energy greatly hampers all my efforts.

I have halted the work on my MK2 vest to make a couple of MK1 vests to use asap.

Earlier entries have revealed a MK1 called Fenrir, but it have been put on ice.

New vests goes by Starweaver and Dragonheart.

When they are done, my paradigm shifting will become much more potent, and being MK1, they may not require too much work and might even be done within two weeks.

It always comes back to crafting for me, because really, there are no other ways out of this hell for me.

Energy is low, my mind have been ravaged, my body is slowly being compromised.

Got powerful protection tho.

Update 47 MC

I can’t work with demons and I have been given no reason to respect the LHP.
Bold statement considering where I am writing this, but don’t take it personal, reason I am here is because I can barely tolerate the RHP either.

It all comes down to the rampancy of plebs believing themselves to harbour wisdom or even insight.

I am not hiding my own elitism, it is just the nature of reality that we are not truly living in an equal world.

Sure, I might be broke, tattered, unpopular, and weakened, but I have never strayed from truth or insight.
I have always weathered the storms, and I have always come back with knowledge furthering my inner exploration and with it I improve my outer understanding.

Gods and demons are not any more equal than me and the plebs that worship them.
Some may claim it, but in a world with 7+ billion individuals, take a look at the people who rise and the people who fall.
Are they equal?
Obviously not, some rise from hardships, some fall, some stumble into greatness, others need to work hard for it.
Most people fall for a reason, they fall because they did not have it in them to be great.
Some may think I mean that they fall in a dramatic sense, but no, most people fall when they give up a dream to settle down with a mediocre job and family.

These plebs create more plebs, and the masses tend to bully and belittle those who seek glory while also having the audacity to demand the respect of those who were anointed for greatness.

So, you see, I may be weak and broken now, but the greatness in me is that despite that, I will never give up, and I will always spit in the face of those who try to put me down.

If I meet a woman, she will share my quest, or I will simply leave her behind to find someone on her own level.

Gods cursed me with a gilded destiny, some would likely say, because I can either rise up despite my injuries and claim greatness, or I will die in a pool of my own blood.
There is nothing in between.

But no matter what, I will never settle for a mediocre life.

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Update 3 SFC

I have some very apparent issues maintaining the metaphysical shroud to work with the Shadow aspect.
My affinity for Light is so strong right now I can’t fully paradigm shift into Shadow.

However, I think Fire will be fairly easy, given I can clean up the appropriate lenses.

Update 48 MC

Intermediate shift into the Light aspect until Fire aspect can be taken.

Update 49 MC

A thread regarding bloodlines stirred both inspiration, fear, and memories.
I want to create an ever refining legacy, from the Starsworn people following my church, to the Starborn house of my design, to the Purebloods born from alchemy.

This will all become highly controversial over time, but any twig snaps when you step on it.

The Starsworn and the Starborn concepts are timeless, as long as I write them down, they can snap into existence.
The Purebloods, however, are actual children spawned from my seed, and they will be magnificent, given proper nurturing and alchemical enhancements.

Finding a suitable mate will quite likely be impossible without some magickal matchmaking.

The clock is ticking, I should probably make this a high priority.

Update 50 MC

Spell synthesis, that is the art.
To know and recognize that one essence need to mix in tandem with another essence in order to bring out the sought after product.

This is mainly due to the newly awakened Pureblood project, but also in general, one thing that is also another thing summoned or transmuted.

I have started to manipulate my chakras as well, but I need to know what I am realigning them into.
As usual, I plan on making trinkets and artifacts to help me with this transformation.

When I have gone through operation, hopefully in October, I plan on open up yet another project I call “The Forge”, which will actually be a forum project.

Weakness should be held in contempt, weakness ought to be purified with fire and hammered out.

I look at my own mortal form and I feel ashamed, I have been hamstrung, but I might soon heal and become more free.

When that happens, I will set out on a quest to regain my pride and honour.

Update 51

I have nothing major to report, I’ve been really bored.
Vexation fills my mind, but that is the usual forecast.

There is an upcoming group ritual on the forum which motives and sincerity I question, but I am doing nothing to hamper or discourage it.

I am thinking about my own rituals and spells, on what I could do to improve my own life.

There is the whole “I want to be loved” part, but do I truly desire partnership?
Do I truly desire wealth?

What I truly desire is an obscure form of power and creation, I desire the manifestation of something massive from the other side.

This is where the spellwork always become so complex, it is a mix of various energies, thoughts, and concepts.

I can live without wealth and partnership, as long as I live to see that astral empire come into the world.
Silent feet marching behind the veil, an imperial force, royal bloodlines, rekindling of divinity.

Crack the walls, bring them down, make them remember why they once served the gods.

EDIT
I just received a vision, I must build a new altar.

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Blessed be the goddess, for she made us with purpose, we march our eternal march, from the deepest depths of hell to the highest points of heaven.

May we rest knowing that the empire cast a long shadow, and struck down, we will rise again.

We are without number, we are immortal, and we are relentless.

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Update 52

I once wanted to join the army, but I no longer do.
A good soldier is willing to die in the line of duty, but I would lie if I said I were willing to die for my country, its people, or its culture.

I am, however, willing to fight, bleed, and die for my goddess.
But her battlefield is a very different one from the physical reality of earthly, mortal nations and people.

The reason why I am given magical arms and armour is very simple; because the astral is a battlefield where even the dumbest pleb can pick up a curse or two and ruin someone else’s life.

I at least keep to myself, the number of spells I pull off are few, but yet I go nowhere without my trusted Mark 1 Kayedre Standard Edition Wand.

I go nowhere without it, because there are times when problems need a very focused high-powered burst of psionic energy.

The reason I am so damn skeptical towards people developing magick or opinions before actually sitting down and figure some shit out is because I take it as part of my mission to put down everyone who represent even the faintest threat to me or the people I consider close.

I never have to worry about any of this usually, I got good spiritual protection, but it still gnaws on me.

One black candle and some nasty thoughts is all it takes from someone easily provoked to fire off a curse without thinking about the repercussions.

Because that is the problem; freedom without repercussions.
That is what people want, that is what they always fucking want.
Don’t fucking lie to me and tell me that isn’t the charm with black magick.

To manipulate people like puppets, to destroy their lives with curses, or to shift the balance in your favour by pushing it down with all your muscle…all without anyone knowing anything; no repercussions at all.

Don’t worry, I don’t hate you, I just want us all to be honest here.

I have known for years that freedom is oiled with blood.
You can’t have even an ounce of freedom without someone somewhere bleeding for it.
Freedom is french-kissing war and strife so hard that it would make an awesome porno.

I am a free man in a free country, but I am also a magi, and I am a loud magi, a fucking soldier in the service of a goddess.

Freedom is the sound that comes out of my wand.

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Update 53

Today, let’s talk about sacrifice.
How many of you have truly sacrificed?
I am not talking about small sacrifices, I am talking about great sacrifices.
How many of you have truly suffered?

This, right here, my occult life, is all that I have ever known.
I have never been a pro-gamer, I have never been a lover, or a good artist.

I have only ever been this.

I receive visions, I receive automatic writing, art, cultural elements, philosophy, through my goddess.

The one greatest thing ever given to me, is my destiny.

So when someone tells me that all this is “roleplay”, it is like someone would grab their fucking dick and piss all over my life.

I am bred a warrior, instant response was to fight.

Was it right?
It was what I’ve been taught to do, so I’d like to think it was.

What did I feel?
It felt good, like I was finally doing what I have been raised to do, even in the smallest of windows.

Update 54

Energy levels going back to how they should be.

Been drafting out the outline of my new altar, since I found out one annoying thing with the old one; it is too fucking small.

I barely have place to perform any of my planned rites.

Here is the draft of the new altar.

Depending on what wood I can acquire, the design will change, but it will likely end like something closely resembling this.

This new design will have much more room than my old altar.

Alternatively, I will just buy something second hand and modify it.

Want to make my own tarot deck, entertaining its composition.

Dear online diary, today have been a really shitty day.
I am pissed off.

Why?
Where to fucking start.
I am pissed off because it is impossible for me to find a place where I can actually express myself.
Then we can start talking about hypocrisy, cowardice, and all the other crap people pull on a daily basis without any desire or intention to be held accountable for any of their actions.

There is no understanding, no enlightenment, no compassion, no mercy, anywhere in the world.

People tell me I need a chill pill, while I want to tell them the world needs a cyanide pill.

I am not a white magician, I don’t pretend to be good because I know too well I want to smite some people straight to hell.

I AM going to apologize for this very angry entry, but really, I needed to say it somewhere.

On a plus side, I got some inspiration.

Update 55

There are times I wish I was part of an already established religion, would make my life a lot easier, and I would not be bullied as easily.

Alas, will not fucking happen, because I don’t lie, ESPECIALLY not to myself, and I know my path is one of bullshit adversity.

Except for external non-stop complications, an equal amount of internal pressure arise constantly.

I popped a vent today, my internal darkness erupted and required attendance.
I need to design some kind of seals and have them tattooed on my body, I got this motto in my head, that “if I go black, I ain’t coming back”.

I gotta wonder why the powers that be put this curse in me, but I’d like to think it was yet another calculated, if ruthless, move to ensure that I grow really fucking fast to understand my position and role.

There is evil in me that no sane man can possibly justify, and that society can never understand.
Look at mankind, how primitive they are, squabbling about race, gender, and nationality.

Just look at these savages, and tell me, that THEY get to judge my machinery.

Preposterous, my goddess shaped me, my goddess instructs me, my goddess judges me.

The duality of the curse of carrying Fenrir itself within me is that I must survive the judgement of those who judge as well as keep it chained within.

People wonder why I talk about war all the time.
It seems to escape them entirely, that I might never be at peace.
So many people take their peace and safety for granted.
They look at loved ones with affection, and they feel whole.
Or they identify with some underground community that fills their social needs.

But not me, no, I do not lie, not to myself, nor to others.
There can be no inner peace, only perpetual state of martial control.

Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to not have meticulous control over a destructive and capable body, mind, and spirit?

I don’t give a fuck about myself, I want to serve, that makes me happy.
I want to earn shit, and I want to fight shit, because fighting is what I do supremely best of all things.

Take that and remove control, and suddenly you got a dangerous element in society.

I don’t want to become that dangerous element…solely because it violates the instructions of my deity.

It have gone so far, that there is an edict in place, that were I ever to lose my constant struggle against my own corruption, I am to end my existence.

There is something vile nesting in my heart, and I’d rather destroy myself than let it seep out.

Death before dishonour, such is my duty.

But I don’t just push it all in and ignore it, that would defeat the whole purpose of its existence, no, it is the perfect sample of true and distilled evil.

Merely by its existence, it ends all internal debate on whether or not evil exists, and moves on to map out the nature of evil and its relation to the human nature.

It also dictates something else profound; as long as it is recognized and fought, any person afflicted could be redeemed by a force of good.
A person is not evil just because there is evil in them, but that line is drawn first whether or not the person in question is willing to acknowledge that evil.

If the person justifies its actions, they may in fact be irredeemable.

This will likely massage some hard erections from people on this forum, but bear in mind that this journal is not a ground where I welcome debate…mostly because I’d only debate people with opinions I actually respect, and while there are a handful of people on this board that, hopefully, I’d get to debate sometime, this is not the place for it.

But be at ease with that I don’t consider bending the will of people evil, neither do I consider black magick an evil or wicked school of magick.
I don’t consider self-servitude evil, so I don’t draw black magick as evil.

Really, there is no conflict between me and black magick, even if I don’t usually do black magick.

The problem with good and evil is that people got a lot of preconceived (stupid) notions on good and evil, and that kind of retards every discussion or debate one could stumble upon regarding the matter.

Sadly, this happens regardless of community.

An atheist usually takes a more pragmatic take on things, same with black magicians, and morals usually don’t aid in the egocentric motives of the human nature.
A theist or RHP person tend to be ridiculously self-righteous, a debate on morals tend to end with me getting blocked.

People in the middle tend to be cool, but they also tend to follow the materialistic and pragmatic take on morals.

Most people tend to say, the law is good, everything illegal is bad.
Some say the law is bad, as it infringes freedom.
Both statements are fairly true, the law is good, but sadly it also infringes on freedom.

I am not going to fall further into politics, being aware that this piece is actually waltzing on the political line, but point is, people DO believe in good and evil, it is just that they don’t dare to say it.
Now, were I less horny on knowledge, I would just wave it off as “people don’t dare to say they believe in good and evil because they think that would make them stupid”.
Instead, I am going to spend more time thinking about this and return on the matter.

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Update 56

Continuing the trail of thoughts from last entry, because I feel I got more to write.

Humans are inherently flawed, if humans had no flaws, then they would be able to do only good, or only evil.
However, instead, we have a world where self-servitude usually wins and where the individual in most cases fail to contribute to the entirety of mankind.

There are several religions and political doctrines (not gonna go into detail, but I am willing to debate in the future) that have set out to change this, but failed miserably.

The evil in mankind tend to prevail against the good of mankind in most cases, but not all cases, as there have been historical events, if not most historical moments, where the “right” force have won.
Some would say that is because the winners write history, but that is an asinine assumption regurgitated out of context.

Just as the evil of mankind have proven itself impossible to defeat, so too have forces of common good managed to rally and meet the challenge.

Most people merely want freedom to continue their daily lives, freedom that is always under siege by outer forces who also consider their actions to be good.

This is where the clash and meat of it begins, and things get really complicated really fast.

If two forces meet, and they both claim they are good, then we are looking at some fucked up shit.

This might seem unsolvable, but it really is not, if two forces of good meet, ideally, they should be able to manifest their virtue by finding a solution that favours both.
Because that would be the supreme force of good; both parties would be able to set aside their differences and find the common good.

Obviously, this don’t always occur because…as I opened this entry with; humans are flawed.

What does this mean to me and my work?

It means my work manages to be both important and pointless.
Important, because I will need to live in virtue to spread my legacy of good in the world, while also knowing that both I, my own people, and most commonly, outsiders, gonna fuck up a lot.

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Update 57

I might need to set out on a quest to find some people who complete for my shortcomings.
As a priest, torn by my invocation, I have lost a lot of strength to gain the sacred words and lore.

I need to find someone I can not find here, but I am quite unsure where to look for that person.

Probably should search for my answer through diviniation.

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Update 58

I hate people, I’ve said that a lot, but let us explore a fragment as to why.
All my life all I’ve ever asked for is a place, a sense of community, and every single time its been ripped from me.

All actions of cruelty done to me have been the product of the self-righteous and the ignorant who sit on high horses of either perceived intelligence or morality.

My first explorations into these communities started when I was young and eager, and both times I was struck down with great force, ripped apart by people.

During my life, I have only learned from the scorn of others, from people who much rather berated me than calmly taught me or nurtured me with compassion rather than contempt.

It have made me angry, and wild at heart, as I want to lash out and maul these people for their transgressions.

This will never happen, because I will never reach them, and it would be a waste of my energy to casually smite people for being shitty on a daily basis.

Instead, I need to seethe in my anger, and use careful internal engineering to split and divide energy into different personas.

I am a fucking genius, because I remain largely in control despite all the setbacks.

It is too much of a beautiful dream that one day all this evil could get swept away by marching feet of a righteous crusade, to make the wicked shit themselves in fear for once.

There have never been such a force on Earth ever before, to humble the human people and inspire the hopeless that there are bastions of justice and righteousness in the world…and for that, I hate my fellow men and women even more.

Even the word “warrior” have been saturated into absolute horseshit, these people are not warriors, they are plebs playing games.

A warrior is an unyielding piece of hardware composed of badassery that stands unflinching when facing an overwhelming force.
Who fights when need be, and who is strong enough to not need to compromise, and who eat bricks and shit thunderstorms.

Everything becomes tainted and corrupt because we constantly change definitions to fit our needs, and people will never stop doing it, because that is how language evolves.

That is why I need the language of the goddess to guide me, a force of divinity instead of the force of materialism the plebs are fueled by.

Her words are true and pure, and teach the values of truth and purity.

Because this is how I will fight with all the resources I have at my disposal.
I am going to fight the world by slowly erasing its pillars of powers with my heavy armaments of arcane lore, will, and reinforced conviction.

It is only by uniting with the will of the goddess that the world can be brought down on its knees around me.
It is my great desire that by becoming the Avatar through ascension, I can bring her will and kingdom onto the world.

I will be the first, but I will hopefully won’t be the last, and even more so, hopefully I will meet others like me soon.

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Update 59

So I want to do more channeled writing, but I have issues finding out what triggers my trance.

Music work sometimes, but it is hard to replicate, because the same piece may not produce any results at a later point.
Also, changing track may interrupt the channeling, and while deeper channeling can reconnect quickly, more shallow channeling may become entangled and become useless.

Being exceptionally tired seem to increase likelihood of hitting the sweet spot, so many pieces have emerged when I have been awake for a long time.

Problem is that I absolutely hate being awake for 24+ hours.

Thinking intensely about the lore of the goddess tend to also swing me into channeling action, but other times, it only produces a mood and state of zeal…which burns without a single word uttered.

So in conclusion; channeling takes effort, and it does not always produce any results.

Bear in mind that I also commit to ensure that what I channel is actually being channeled, and not just me piecing shit together.
I am not making it up on my own, that is why it takes time.

It is meaningless if it is not sincere.

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