BALG Sanctum of Linuriel

Journals, Group Rituals & Free Readings
21

19th Update
Sunday been slow, as always, but I feel movement.
Looking for another component, a new voice can be heard, a necessary one to bring balance.

Need to work a lot tomorrow, but all fine now when I got grounding devices.

Never, ever, be sloppy with grounding when dealing with experimental devices that channel psionic fluxes.

When the SCT is ready, I will log every day whatever I experience.

ADDENDUM
I have reason to believe that I possess very strong dormant psionic capabilities, clearly part of the will, but it is an element often overseen by others due to lack of faith.
I say this as it is a bit troublesome, I feel others, like in a mental state of periphery, and their colours run onto my canvas.

That is truly bothersome, but I will make a filter at some point.

Awareness is key to success.

22

Dump.
Energy levels low, focus average, lens alignment require adjustment.

Conclusions.
System ability to paradigm shift quite remarkable, able to shift between various paradigms with slight external stimuli, social ability could be refined to a cutting edge, development unlikely.
Issue with paradigm shifting, lens alignment lose focus, energy inefficiency leads to bleeding core.

Update.
Energy levels low, progress slow, trickling movement, sudden bursts of energy.
SCT inert, require stimuli, seeking it.
The voice speaks, but never clearly, drowned out.

Unit connections stable, few incidents, will remain in low connection mode until completion of SCT and Corona.

The maw of darkness seeks to bring the eternal night, silent skies, not a star on the high heavens, nowhere will you hide from her cold embrace.
With one breathe, her ash scatters, with one blink, and none the wiser.
Eternal songs, repeated into perfection, cut by failure, shimmering, my bright diamonds, and I will put you on the heavens, and the gods themselves will cheer.
With one beat of the heart, fire through the chest, with one arrival, and none the wiser.
Clay and air, fire and fury, where are my children?

Silence.

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23

What does it take, a god to wake?

24

Update 20
Last two posts were written riding on a trance and not actual update posts.
I find my greatest inspiration when I am really tired, and not well-rested like I am now.

A new opportunity have came up, I just need to figure out of to proceed, gain the permissions I need from my deities.

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25

Update 21
Progress Report

The schematics are a bit messy, a bit unclear, but I am working on the grid now.
When the grid phase is over, then I will start assembly followed by activation.

I want to make a note of some interesting phenomena.
There are no longer as powerful a flux towards the hunger of the material realm.
No sexual drive, no violent tendencies, none of the base nature is as present as it was some time ago.

Little to no gratification from violence for the sake of violence (tested by simulation through video games, chill, I am not out fighting people), which previously raised some concern along with the rest of the Fenrir paradigm.

However, I need to point out that there remains a very strong flux of desires related to war, war is imprinted into the core principles, it is just that there is little to no response from violence solely for the sake of violence.

The Fenrir paradigm, also should be noted, is a polar opposite to the Linuriel paradigm, the separation and distillation of energy seem to have been largely successful.

There is now also an aversion towards all things dark, Fenrir not being related to darkness, but to fire and shadow.

Interesting, seems like the egoformation have largely been a success, even if there are some really big dents still left to work out.

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26

Update 22

While the polarization have proven itself very effective, one of the oldest problems of maintaining such a large disc of skills and traits is the balance itself.

All too often, I lose myself in a paradigm, confused fluxes losing direction on undecided vector lenses.

Distilled core principles of the darker side reveals an absolute contempt towards weakness and a strong desire for vengeance.
I hate myself for being weak, and I hate that I can exact vengeance on those who wounded me.

Will take some more time to explore the dark side, as the light side have been largely mapped out by now.

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27

Update 23

Spent most of today bored
like
really fucking bored.
Tried to play a dozen games, but never got any vibe to ride on.

Largely unproductive day, except for some work done these last hours before sleep.
Progress is as slow as usual.

I need a new profile picture, like, really need one.
But I want to wear my SCT replacement in my new photo.

Should probably spend my days more productively, my boredom may be a early sign of me hitting shallow waters, meds doing their thing and all that.

Got a lot of recovery to do, energy levels are critical, but core remains perfectly intact, so recovery is quite possible.
Unless the stress of the mind have ravaged my brain and heart, I should be able to regain health quickly.

With the new SCT, my wounded spirit might flow through mind and body, healing me, making me whole, grant me peace.

Then I will start doing what I do best with renewed fire.

I am after all a divine sparkling diamond on the crown of creation.

28

Update 24

Flux is fickle and sluggish, the lenses are inert or unstable, not good.
Energy levels have been so low that internally, it can be compared to barely keeping the lights on.

SCT is nearing the finish line, but I am so long overdue that I can feel doubt taking deep roots in my mind.

The SCT is only one of several parts of a greater creation, but I need it be done as soon as possible.

I dread it how I will actually need to exert myself greatly to see this done.

29

Update 25

I consider compiling my lore into a grimoire.
The only question is in what form.
Sure, I can write it in simple speech, but it would not convey the message well enough.

This project could be a good experience in order to collect all my thoughts and focus my lenses.

30

Update 26

SCT is coming up nicely, I just wonder how much I can actually push myself before energy levels collapse again.
I’ve been venting out by start playing some new games which also inspires me, that is good.

Just got a few more parts to cut out, then do some drilling, then do some engraving
then bend the pieces.

Alright, so I got some work to do.

Been also wondering how to make exotic candles.
I want candles that feel absolute right, I consider candles bought in shops to be unworthy, and I have seen so much flimsy crap being peddled by “occult craftsmen”, that I’ve simply lost my interest.

No, I want candles that are perfect, candles that sparkle with infused power.

On a different note, I am unsure about how I want to make my grimoire, and due to my current workload, it might take some time before I can get around to make it.
The pages, however, are slowly being manifested.

The SCT will be the first piece of the regalia, other pieces are being designed while the SCT is being constructed.
The other parts are trickling into existence, one piece at a time.

I wish it all could go a little bit faster, but the slow pace is necessary as the lore required emerge in tandem with its physical manifestation.

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31

Update 27

I just finished the first draft of the sacred oath I am to swear when I graduate from my path as an Adept.
I want to graduate, but first I need to prepare myself for my trials.

My path combines the planes of physical, mental, and spiritual.

My physical and spiritual being the weakest, I need to start improving the related traits to be worthy.

32

Musings of the Path
Part One

I don’t want to bloat the Journal tab with different Journals, not at this point, so I will merge these entries with my main entries.
Musings of the Path entertains the various parts of the Path, or at least, the parts I can disclose.
I cloak myself in secrets, and sadly can not share everything, even if part of me would like to.
Well, let’s begin.

The Rigtheous Path (The Path, or “Elenye” in its native language) is a spiritual warrior path meant to draw out the best traits of mankind.
It shuns the parts of mankind considered wicked, as wickedness stands in opposition to righteousness, and strives to fight entropy with order.
A practitioner of the Path is a warrior, both in body and spirit, and must always work towards greater strength and ability.
The body is the vessel, the spirit merged with the concept of the Sacred City (Melecé), which represents peak human civilization and glory.
While humanity is considered sacred, it is not pure humanity that is the goal, but the advancement of the human Spirit to merge it with higher ideals.
Wickedness of mankind is ascribed to Darkness, the Primordial, while Righteousness is considered part of Light.
As such, Light is the sacred element of the Path, along with Fire, Shadow, and Ash.
Humans, as base humans, are merely animals, but they can be infused with divine elements.
The Path does not claim monopoly on Light, this must be remembered by practitioners, as all humans are capable of showing righteousness.
Self-righteousness and Hypocrisy are considered grave threats to Righteousness, and thus are filed as sins, to understand the distinction well enough, the individual practitioner must undergo different phases of development to gain the wisdom of the self to advance.
These phases can be shown in the clothing of the practitioner, as black represent potential, while white represent completion.
Other sacred colours are gold (royal glory) and purple (mystical and royal), which are added as the practitioner advance.
The Path requires high devotion, as the advancement required can not be achieved by dabbling, and the Path would most likely always demand a semi-monastic lifestyle of their practitioner to advance.
At the point of the trials and following graduation, each individual must swear the Oath of Stars to become fully anointed as a “Starsworn”.

This is what I need to work towards, I have honed my mental abilities to gain strength within myself, but my body needs to become much stronger and my connection to the divine must be bolstered as well.

A typical Starsworn must be indomitable, designed to be an ubermensch of the gods, to compete against the atheistic ubermensch.
Stronger, faster, smarter, better.
A culture of the best of the best.

This is beautiful alchemy, transmutation of the human body and essence, refined into something beyond mere human shells.

It is just fitting that I should share my advancement, my ascension, on a forum called “Become a Living God”.

33

Musings of the Path
Part Two

I have been an Adept for some years, I can’t remember the exact time, not been taking time.
To live as an Adept is to constantly question your worth.
You start an Initiate, you are full of hope for the future, you see this grand destiny where you will live celebrated, loved, and in great glory as well as abundance.
Reality is much more grim, I have hit the bottom more times that I’ve bothered to count, I have been forged in flames that have both hurt me and scarred me.
You are left a broken shell, learning to take yourself apart, clean yourself, and then put yourself back together so well that in the end you can do it by heart.
It is not easy, and you will break at some point.
My first suicidal thoughts sneaked into my head when I was still living with my dad, then some years later they became a severe problem for a year, several times have I been moments from taking my own life, but dumb “luck” and knowledge of the self saved me every time.
I have been hardened, and sharpened, by this experience.
See, my years as an Adept have been all about suffering, but the suffering purified me.
I know that if I lacked my mystical elements, I would surely have died, I have no “real” reason to live.
My mortal self was burned from me, that was the whole point of the Adept stage.

I stand on the threshold now, I can feel it, from going from Adept and entering the life of a Starsworn Knight.
I will likely cry a lot, just admitting it here now, for accomplishing it despite everything.
It might mean nothing to people, but imagine losing your own faith several times, losing track, falling endlessly, and then finally, a reward for it all, to become what you’ve always dreamed of.
Sure, I am far from it now, but for once in a long time I believe it to be possible.

I need to boost my physical vessel, I will do this by using martial arts and the promise of glory in some kind of airsoft group.
Second, I need to keep improving my mental capacity, it is fine for now, but I must not become lazy.
Third, I need to cast spells as if I were living the DnD fantasy, do mantras, affirmations, etc, to cement my own spiritual spine.

After such a long night, I might be experiencing the break of dawn for real.

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34

Musings of the Path
Part Three

I call myself “Prince”, but only during official presentations as I represent my higher self.
The reason why I give myself that title is because unlike most people, I did not learn the Path from a physical master.
I was formed since birth to become Linuriel Starborn, the first in this era to walk this path and become the wielder of the Pillar and the rest of the Starsworn regalia.
My role is that of the teacher and master, and one day, I will retreat from this world so I can focus on my quest for enlightenment.
Don’t get me wrong, I am also a student of the Path, but at some point, I will master it to the point where I can share my legacy with others.
Because I am destined to become this master, I am a Prince, and one day I will hold the gifts of the goddess and call myself Avatar, the living manifestation of her will.

Something I often think about with fear is whether or not I am easily discarded if I fail, but then I entertain the notion that perhaps I can not fail, my life being a careful calculation of lessons guised as events.

Once I lost faith, it was a horrible experience,for a couple of weeks I became devastated, no inspiration or anything, that was when I realized that without the ever present goddess, I have no value.

That is why I am so afraid of failure, it is my greatest fear, because failure would mean damnation.

Since then, I’ve valued to a much greater extent the light of the goddess, it is what gives me purpose when everything else failed.
As time went, my trust in her ways have grown, realizing its perfection, I found a new fear in myself; what if I was unworthy and incapable of following the path?
What if someone else needed to become the Avatar?

It was first when I realized that there can be no one else doing this that I adopted the title “Prince”, I had to become the Avatar, craft her regalia, and manifest her kingdom.

For most of the time, I felt like it was an impossible mission.
To wake up every day feeling as if it was all hopeless, to go to bed every night with a tormented mind.
Even once I resolved to not give up, it felt more like I was going to die against overwhelming odds, swept away by a strong current, more than anything else.
Once I got my fickle faith back, I kept it safe in my heavily armored heart, but I never felt like I was going to win.

Imagine living the life of the unwanted and lonely, I bet some on this forum can relate, it fucking sucks, but you still saddle up every day.

The tides keep coming, the world does literally everything to drown me.
But I am Starborn, noble of the Starsworn, and I finally feel like I got some strength in me to act like it.

35

Musings of the Path
Part Four

Starsworn, my kindred, the ones that will dot the dark skies with light.
Marvelous children they will be, something worthy of my deepest love.
But even they will shine second to the Starborn, the most arcane and wisest of the Starsworn.

“Above and beyond”, the motto of the Starborn.

I never stop spinning, my shadow stretches far into the past and the future, today, there are no Starsworn, nothing for me worth to love, so my life is empty.
But far out in the rim of perceived time, I can see them, and that fills me with hope.

One day, I hope others might foster this ability, to not just see the things that are, but also the things that can be.

Humanity is always so short-sighted and irresponsible, I don’t believe this might change over time, it is always the few that fight for the many.

The few, and the many, the relation between the Starborn, and the Starsworn.
A necessity, not that I would love the Starsworn less, I am sure that there will be an understanding.

This, this right here, is my art.
My grandest spell, the greatest of my work, my magnum opus, will be to create an entirely new people into this world.

My demigods will walk the Earth, bringing back the ancient ones, the angelic people, into the world.

Who can deny me my own divinity, when I wield the divinity of transmutation?

36

Musings of the Path
Part Five

Let us talk about magick, or at least, the basics, because I don’t want us to forget the arcane part of my work.
A Starsworn, as mentioned, serves a goddess, which resides in a perfect and sacred city called Melecé.
Now, one would imagine that Starsworn as a cult would try to get there, but that is not the case.

Melecé is an ideal to be followed, but also something that exists externally.
To complicate things further, Melecé is not just one perfect city, but an entire realm divided into several parts.
In short, it exists in a different plane of existence.

All Starsworn are connected to Melecé, in the same way all Christans are connected to Christ, and the goal of living is to manifest a Melecé here on Earth.
As you can see, the spirituality of Starsworn mingles with materialism, which is why it is hard to separate them.
It would be a lot like separating the sauce and minced meat from bolognese; a fucking dumb idea.

So now you may ask, “where is the magick, you dimwit”.

Easy, the magick is understanding what makes a good bolognese.
Like, you can mix the ingredients, but without understanding what ingredients, in what order, and how much of each, you will make a really shitty mess instead of a good sauce.
Same thing with Melecé and the goddess will.

This is why you won’t see me scream, in my journal, “OH GODDESS, GRANT ME YOUR BLESSINGS, ALSO, SEND NUDES!!!”, but rather share my thoughts on various projects.

Manifestations, be it in crafting, artwork, and personal development, is the alchemy of my craft.

But that’s not all, is it?

No, there are a lot of elements in my magick, most of it being the theoretics of its fundamentals.
Magick to me is a science to be unraveled, not a novelty wishing well, so while spells are being cast once in a while, I spend most of my time studying the phenomenon.

Of course, I also keep a lot of occult secrets
because “occult” literally means “hidden”.

37

Ok, so I wonder how hard I will be smited if I actually asked the goddess for nudes.
Knowing that one side of her would likely do it, the other part troll me, and the third part smite me.

38

This actually exists.

39

Since some people post music in their threads, would like to share some songs I really like.

For the Swedes, you can turn on lyrics for English lyrics.

These are among my favorite songs, I hope you enjoy them. :slight_smile:

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40

So, I get the feeling that any structure my journal once had is slowly dissolving.
Sure, I posted 5 serious entries today because I had nothing better to do with my time, but I also feel like I want to add some other, unrelated, stuff.

I’ve met some really fucking unpleasant people during my lifetime.

We had one fucking asshole who went all stomping on my little feefees when I was younger, he made me abruptly quit my membership of a forum I enjoyed.

harold-0.jpg2500×1667

“Enjoyed.”

Then we had this one guy who was a complete edge-lord and resident asshole, decided to use my weaknesses I shared naively thinking people would understand but then got abused with people just not minding it at all.
That sucked, but then sucked a lot more when resident administrator decided that “neutrality” is a foreign concept and also jumped on me.

Quit that community as well.

Got bullied for a whole year in school because I believed in God, good times, and there were neither intervention or understanding from the school either.

Opened my home to a fella who needed somewhere to live, and he turned his three days at my place a living hell before I kicked him out.

What I try to say is, life is hell, people are horrible, and that is why I trust no one anymore.
In this life, we few need to become really strong and help each other, or the world will chew on us and spit us out a mess.

Also, it helps having an incredibly war focused school of magick so that you can smite people for being horrible, yay for responsible use of magical nukes!

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