BALG Sanctum of Linuriel

[Ashtarte]

I will use this thread to gather my thoughts as well as share some of the work I do, and I might ask for helpers from time to time, to be part of my work.

To expand upon my introduction, I am Linuriel Starborn, no point in adding titles or accomplishments as I don’t believe it have any at all value here, so that name is enough.

I work with a certain school of magick, which I believe is divinely given to me by a sacred entity, this school of magick really loves over-doing literally anything, so when I actually practice my craft, I jump straight into the grandiose form of High Magick.
These spells can take anywhere between a day to a month, and I plan on sharing these spells here, might even ask for partners.

I am a transtheist, so that can make the whole “religious” part of me a bit fuzzy, but I believe my work to be what is holy, and my work is very real, that is all that should matter to outside parties.

Day One
Made the journal, opened the mental tray for a new spell, as its been quite some time I engaged in a ceremony.
The theory of my magick takes most of my time, practice currently taking none, and I don’t like that one bit.

Artificing Log

Active
SCT MK I Variant Fenrir need to be completed within a week to meet deadlines.
SCT MK II development have been slow, Core is nearing completion on theoretical phase.

Frozen
Pillar work have been suspended until completion of SCT MK II.
Wand MK II have been suspended indefinitely.

Early Phase
Tesseract is on conceptual phase.

[Ashtarte]

First Update
Just made a breakthrough while browsing the forum.
Micah talking about Demonic Language set me off thinking of the possibilities of certain conditions.

[Ashtarte]

Second Update
I almost did not write an entry today, but I want to note a couple of things related to my current occult excursion.

As I have learned most of the things occult from the deities I work with, I have gained some skills, but there are also some things useful I also have not learned.

I might make some experiments of common occult practices soon.

I also want to add Sarcophagus to the artificing list, it is in the conceptual phase as of this entry.

No great breakthroughs to report or work to update on.

[Ashtarte]

Third Update
Had a complete meltdown today in terms of my filtering issue.
While the Fenrir is set to be hastily designed and assembled the coming week, an effort need to be made to replace my Locus.
As the Locus is clearly defined and already been manifested a couple of times, designing it should take little time, the only delay being in the upgrades.

I am confident I can finish Locus and Fenrir the coming week, and post pictures on the forums to show my work.

[Ashtarte]

Fourth Update
My spirit is priming itself for Fenrir, I can sense my lenses realigning, I should embrace the fury, the rage, the passion, and the hatred.

While I do walk in the middle, Fire, Ash, and Shadow are all spiritual elements strongly related to my soul, along with the primary element of Light.

Fenrir, however, is running Fire as a primary element, and while my being lacks direction right now, using Fenrir as a concentrating lens, I might be able to set myself free.

Very likely, that I will have a phase of LHP study coming up.

[Ashtarte]

Fifth Update
While my spirit is priming itself, lens alignment show several inconsistencies.
The previous persona of a more violent and dominant kind is not as pure in its savage nature as expected, whether it is from redundant lenses from upbringing or from running into a spiritual constant, I do not know.

As of now, channeling with the use of Fenrir might not be entirely possible, should work on solutions immediately.

Fenrir ritual have been added to the tray.

EDIT
Oh, and I became a Member today.

[Ashtarte]

Sixth Update
I strive to become perfect, I realized yesterday, that I have glimpsed into what it means to be perfect.
I understand now, what I need to do, what I need to become, to become perfect, but also, what I should teach my sons, daughters, brothers, and sisters, so that they too can become perfect.

Speaking of which, made a new persona, the plan being to orbit it and understand the core dynamics of the First element.
Vorpal, an older persona, is little understood beyond its most commonly displayed traits, which are all extremely inhibited.
I will never be able to write about Vorpal extensively on these boards, but activation of this persona is not what I want for Fenrir.

To elaborate, I find myself adrift in the aether-temporal continuum, I lack the fire to truly feel alive in the things I have set myself out to do.
I lack the passion, this have been deduced to be due to a disconnect to First element, the forge smoldering, and my being slowly fading.

While, Fenrir would reinforce my somatic anchor and reinforce aetherial connections, poor understanding of First element and its relation with Vorpal will either turn the whole effort into a dud or spiral out of control.

Put bluntly, Vorpal is a weapon, while it should be maintained, it should not be used only to spark a fire.
Instead, I’ve resorted to realign psionic lenses to form a new persona, aptly named “Kagaraki”, a name which means nothing to you, but I will understand as I work with it.

Kagaraki is more than a weapon, while Vorpal is entirely fueled by rage and hatred, bending the flow of energy to destroy, Kagaraki is a challenger, a champion, a conqueror.

The shape and form of the psionic imprint must match the energy imbued, else, what is the worth of my art?

Will update further, maybe even share some superficial schematics.

[Ashtarte]

Seventh Update
It should come to the surprise of no-one reading these entries from start to finish that most of the work I do are either done internally (philosophical insight and mental structure) or by using proxies (my artificing), but doing my daily skimming of the forum inspired me.

It made me think, that I have done very little external work, such as interacting with energy and aetheric elements outside of my, perhaps over-developed, mental structures.

I want to make a note of actually starting to manually, and with purpose, interact with the energies we are surrounded by in our everyday lives.

No progress on current projects.

[Ashtarte]

Eight Update
Been almost a week since my last update, have suffered some setbacks.

I must point out to everyone that may follow these updates, or might read these in the future, that I will need to start using my jargon to describe my current work, as this journal is acting as…a journal.

Kagaraki mapping displayed a surprisingly strong presence of spiritual imprint, greatly reducing the flow of relevant energy, mapping have started out on Linuriel instead, to prepare for reconstruction.

Severe damage on lenses, vaults, as well as low propulsion of flow, reconstruction proven to be much more difficult than expected.

Simulation of moral choices and problem solving display that core elements are ever present, and the fear of corruption may have been highly over-estimated, as the resilience of spiritual imprint have displayed itself to be indomitable.

Kagaraki was designed to run a flow of energy from the Formorak vault safely, but every attempt to concentrate even a small amount of energy through the lenses are met by extreme inertia and trigger severe anxiety if pressured.

Despite the excessive amount of trauma to the host unit, the imprint holds without fail, but requires significant reconstruction to function even at a basic level.

Energy levels have been monitored, they are not as stable as they seemed a month ago, lapses are occurring with increased intensity and frequency, quarantine have been proposed and passed, dates have been set.

Conclusion: Total quarantine scheduled to minimize psionic entropy, the isolated system will reset lenses for a more efficient flow, SCT II will get highest priority.
Without outside interference, odds of success very high, SCT II completion will pave the way for greater change.

[Ashtarte]

Ninth Update
Let us talk about hypocrisy, the ever-present mental toxin that burrows itself deep into my mind with razor sharp tentacles.
All my life, I have challenged myself, to prove myself, strong and capable.
I am quite withered today, but I believe that my hard work and suffering have paid off, last year I realized that my path was perfect and whole, but faced intense doubt about my own ability…and the past month, I have started to realize my own perfection.

Perfection, a goal that I thought you could not achieve, and true enough, I might never achieve absolute perfection, but the very basic shape and form of perfection, the living incarnate of perfect ideal, is very possible.
The anti-thesis of hypocrisy, the damned miasma and the acting agent of much evil, is perfection.
Perfection is when action align with thought and spirit, when all is aligned, and I have realized that divine state of perfection in the service of Light.
My path for perfection lies in righteousness, when one action is perfectly aligned by a complex machinery, to gain an outcome higher than the self.
Because a single human being is quite often insignificant, and only a few carry the vision and conviction of the divine nature.
I am alone, today, everyone I have set myself to follow have proven themselves to be self-deluding morons, incapable to understand the basic concepts of cause and effect.
Eat, fuck, sleep, are the simple commands of mere animals, pathetic waste of human capacity.

Most people are useless that way, but they work, they work hard to keep the cogs and gears of human society spinning, but that is all they ever do.
When observed in their habitat, when interacted with, they are incredibly dull and boring, no ambition, no passion, no vision, no conviction, spewing cliché excuse to justify their own miserable existence.

And these men of clay, were they to point finger at me, were they to say “what about you, are you not made of our flesh, do you not eat, do you not wish to procreate, do you not sleep?”.
To them, I will answer, with my divine heritage on my back that “I am born of flesh, it was your service that saw to my existence, but I belong not to you, I was not born to be anything but a scion of the mountain, to stand before the assembly, and say, that I have returned, for I eat, I seek women, and I sleep so I can speak with me liege, but make no mistake, my body is clay, but unlike your souls of air, mine is of fire, and purpose”.

I am entertaining the idea of forming a cult, so that I may reshape the ones with a faint glimmer of the fire, to form them into radiant creations to further my great work.

[Ashtarte]

Tenth Update
Will start using numerals soon.

I have experienced a lot of tumultuous emotions as of late, even worse than usual.
Tried to just relax today, but I simply can’t let go of that strong sense of anxiety that pester me every wake moment.

By this point, Kagaraki have been suspended, the original persona have been thawed out and I have started to prod deeply into my own darkness.

I feel hatred, and contempt, and fury, but it is usually focused and contained.
With reason, with clarity, that darkness is more like an unrelenting stream of fire.
Surely, to flare up, and die out, quickly is a tremendous strength, but it have certain downsides as well.
I want to be able to use that darkness to fuel myself, to push myself forward with the darkness that I am daily fed with, to make it a strength instead of a debilitating weakness.
To do that, proper use of cycling personas is required, so that I don’t get stuck in one mode.

The problem with the original dark persona, hereby referenced as Vorpal, is that it is really bad, for all the reasons, to leave it unchecked.
I am currently arranging so that during the controlled periods which this persona will be channeled, that I have no more human contact than needed.

Linuriel and Vorpal are both results of divine craftsmanship, but they are distinctly different aspects of the same master being.

People have difficulty understanding that given the right conditions, the human form is a formidable temple from which divine work can flow.

Today I also entertained the idea of making up a code, a chant, or something, to better focus myself daily.

My primary flaw is that I easily forget, and it would be good to remind myself of why I do the things, and why to continue when things get rough.

Addendum
Next week I will do cleansing and then attempt to do a fast reset of lens configurations.
I have awakened the skeleton of pretty much all my precepts, oh boy, does it run heavy on my energy…and as said, only running the skeleton.
I lack some physical constants to start doing serious work, but I hope to quickly remedy it all the coming weeks.
SCT II bypass all other projects, as does Corona.

I really hate stressing delicate work such as this…

Addendum 2
I can feel a growing resentment towards several archetypes that I will need to monitor very closely.
Hatred runs deep, and keeps spreading.
Hatred is only good if contained, and becomes a radioactive accident if it seeps out.

I hurt myself a lot, this way, containing it, and I don’t do it because of people, I think, but because of my ideals.
It is important that I remain righteous in my cause, or I will stain the few things that I actually value in life.

[Ashtarte]

11th Update
Writing this on my phone, so this entry will be short.
I am writing this entry because I need a short break to collect my thoughts.

Reviewing my advances on the SCT MK II, my replacement vest, it never ceases to amaze me how incredibly crude and reckless the prototype vest I am currently using is.

No real distribution grid to speak of, no containment system, no pumping, no cleansing, and no grounding.
It is really nothing but a primitive energy accumulator with a crude wing assembly.

The possibilities with this new vest will be truly inspiring to exploring.

[Ashtarte]

12th Update
It is not lost on me that my posting is so irregular it have gone from hours, to days, to a week, and now I am posting a second update within the same day.

I got a lot of work done today, SCT MK II frontal parts largely done.
The introspection have revealed quite a lot, Vorpal display a strong current for violent behaviour, but there is a natural aversion towards cruelty and malicious acts, which is good.
I need to make peace with my dark side, it might be the final test to end my inner war.

I have also developed a strategy to fight some of my more tangible and overwhelming enemies, gonna promote a strong attitude of “come get some, motherfucker”.
Will make amulets to carry with strong messages to fire up the engine.

I need to surround myself with some new blood, all my relationships are currently having a notable detrimental effect on my mental health and therefore my ability to enact my will onto the world.
How to go about this is a bit of a mystery, because I really don’t work with people, yet I have a strong desire for kinship and brotherhood.
Something the plebocracy have done their absolute best to stigmatize and undermine.

Lastly, I have never been a strongly sexually driven person.
Sure, I got times when I feel strong lust, but it have always been a passing sensation.
When I am focused, when I am in control, sex means nothing to me, and our sex obsessed culture often cause friction.
I am realigning my lenses to be aimed at something I actually want to do, something to motivate me more strongly that is also tangible enough for a short jump.

Thinking about visiting places of high sanctity, or rather, the places I can go to which are not pestered by gun toting savages.
Then, me being me, I consider all humans gun toting savages.

[Ashtarte]

13th Update

It have dawned on me, I’ve finally realized what school of magick I specialize in; Transmutation.

To refine things and concepts, to turn clay into gold, the power of the mighty stars I worship.

It is with this art I can change the world.

The power to simply consume the clay and turn it into gold with roaring flames of the forge, or outright overwrite their existence.

With this power in concrete form, I will challenge the entire world, and I will win.

[Ashtarte]

14th Update
Felt like making an entry, had some late-night inspiration.

I’ve lacked direction, the sacred work I conduct give my life purpose, but it often feel likes I am working in huge empty halls more than anything.

People don’t understand, not because they wits, but because they lack the will.

Been wondering about empathic shielding, to further shield my being from the psionic filth people produce and emit.

Redesign, remake, rebirth.

I excel at this, and very soon, I will be able to tap into the energy I need to do this.

I feel horrible right now, but I am confident that I can harness the power I need to change my situation.

Just need to make some more pushing.

Will try align my lenses tomorrow to work on my current main project.

Some more theory, and I could probably get everything done in two to three days.

[Ashtarte]

15th Update
Fast marker before sleep.

Sleep deprivation always work wonders for gnosis…when it come to me, at least.
I’ve made so many discoveries past 24 hours, culminating just before bed.

He speaks.

As the stars align, trajectory lined in perfection.
Men of clay without light may not judge they who burn and paint.
Child, fire you know, but water you need to learn.
Behold, perfection in your soul, shed your fear, the whispers lies, your trial awaits.

Probably more, but I don’t have the time to write it down.

[Ashtarte]

16th Update
At my computer, should sleep, can’t fall asleep, gonna write a longer entry.

Morale and Zeal are found out to be the two most important emotions for me.
Zeal to act, Morale to endure, but both are so very inert in their states within me.

Sexual propulsion is, as earlier stated, not in alignment with my rails, so there is no sex based flux.
A lot of people are propelled by sexual energies, they are just not aware to it.

Kinship and love for kindred is the primary flux, but there is a total absence of kindred.
Validation is important, no validation can be achieved.

Hatred and resentment towards people is increasing, can’t do anything about it, bitterness growing, but considered largely contained.

Plans to increase Morale with liturgy, most issues traced to lapses in memory and broken flow states.
Zeal could also be increased with liturgy, but additional unknown elements required.

SCT MKII new part petitioned, entered preliminary development, expects quick conclusion.

Conclusion reinforced; a lot more energy is required, artificial focus required, existence reduced until SCT MKII is finished, stuck in perpetual convalescence until then.

Low energy not only problem, lenses lose alignment, erratic, requires tuning tool to remain focused.
Resolve this by Corona.

Theoretical structure need to be finished, expect physical work to last two weeks.

Time is running thin.

EDIT
Primary flux is Glory, fallen far from glory, glory propels by validation, no validation, glory flux inert.
Zeal, new flux, fueled by conviction, conviction is justified, no fault in the macro nor micro, conclusion stamped since yesterday, conviction flux can be stimulated safely due to high purity of rail.

[Ashtarte]

17th Update
Taking a break, but gotta pack up and leave soon from the cafe I usually sit down and work at.

I planned on going to the gym afterwards to start getting back in shape, but without grounding it feels like my current vest burns a fucking hole in my chest.
Some would say it is just my imagination, but it is not, I know it is the vest overcharging my chakras in the chest due to design flaws.

I can wear it for about 3-4 hours before the unease sets in, some hour later, it will turn into difficulties to breathe and pain.

Removing the vest always resolve this issue within minutes.

I know what I am talking about, but people who lack understanding in the arcane arts will never understand, and it vex me greatly.

Onward to more positive news.
Progress is slow, very slow, but I have done progress on the replacement vest.

I remain hopeful that I can very soon begin to assemble it.

[Ashtarte]

18th Update
Been fatigued this whole week.
Done some major progress, but the aforementioned fatigue makes things so much slower.

Was at the workshop today, first time in forever.
Got nowhere close to the estimated progress, but got some things done.

Big plus is I managed to find two units for balancing out the chakra overloading from my vest.

I am a man of science, as such, magick is a phenomena that is actively under high scrutiny.
But the effects of this vest, it is proof that it is real, this is not just placebo effect.

Mere moments after attaching the old unit, an old anchor device made years ago, the energetic lump in my chest simply evens out.

There is a reason why so many occultists keep to themselves, the doubts of the outside world becomes an annoying noise at some point.
Much like tinnitus, ever present, and just as annoying.

[Ashtarte]

The Anchor device mentioned in Update 18.
Old and retired, this item was used years ago to channel the higher powers.
While the appearance may seem simple, both sides of both plates are engraved, with the magical portion being embedded, as is usual for my school of magick, on the hidden parts.
The inside is filled with a special, and by this point forgotten, mix of orgonite, and if I remember correctly, crystals within the structure.
This makes the item a little bit heavier, but as such, a potent anchor for magical power.

It also housed my favorite piece of Pietersite, but this piece was removed to be used on a replacement.
The body is made out of oak, and the sides are written glyphs of the Elenyeri language (Lorenti).
Plates are made out of brass, pins made of galvanized steel, and each point of the Chaos star is ornate with a garnet.

All in all, a piece I am fairly proud of, even if it is archaic by now.