So I started to work on my daemon, and I started this drawing, I wanted to work from it. I didn’t start any real meditation except during the process of drawing, just some offerings and candles to charge it, and some blood painting. But yet I feel some kind of feeling like I’m being watched when I look at it. To be honest it’s even a bit uncomfortable. I’m used to give this creepy white look to my characters but this one is a bit different. And it’s not the first time I charge a drawing and channeled something in it. The uncomfortable feeling I get makes me question if I channeled my daemon in this, or something else. I’ll explain.
When I was a teenager, I went through unspeakable shit, I found myself dealing alone with PTSDs and some heavy psychological traumas, and it led me to create a kind of egregore or thoughtform or I don’t know what exactly. I didn’t do it on purpose, it just exteriorized from myself. It’s a version of me, terribly angry and violent, very destructive. She’s born from the heaviest traumas of my life, she started to manifest herself when I was 12 or 13, and as I didn’t know a shit I kept feeding her without knowing, and I quickly completely lost control over her. I made every possible mistake you can do when you create a spirit.
At this time my life was a living nightmare ; she made it a crazy burned ass living nightmare. Since, what, 8 or 9 years, we’re fine. She doesn’t like me and I’m still a bit worried about her but we’re fine. She’s my destructive evil bitch side but as I never have the opportunity to be an evil bitch, well, we never get along with each other. She thinks I’m weak and too soft, and I think she just wants to see the world burn and that will lead us nowhere, I like my peace and I ain’t gonna blow up everything near me just to see how it burns. So we’re like 2 extremes, and for now I like it like it is now : she’s quite independent, I’m not trying to shut her down or anything, I let her be, and she lets me be too.
So this “me” has a whole personality, her name is Rachel, she has a sigil, and since a few months I’ve been practicing magick, 2 magicians experienced her. I could even make a post for you to try to summon her or whatever, she seems very independent from myself and strong enough to answer a call.
SO MY FINAL QUESTION IS :
Is it possible I channeled her in this drawing instead of my daemon ?
Feel free to share any vibe you think you get from this, or any vision or whatever, I know some of you guys are really good at scanning / reading things and people, that’s why I’m asking here.