Anger

I wanted to start a topic to share experiences with anger. How do you guys personally deal with your anger? Do any of you have outright anger issues? Has anyone overcome them by working with a demon or other entity?

First of all, let me preface this by saying that I am pretty sure I am on the spectrum, but my official diagnosis is BPD which I generally disagree with and which I also think is a bit of a misogynistic diagnosis.

If I were male, I am certain I’d be diagnosed with autism or intermittent explosive disorder or even antisocial personality disorder. My symptoms are pretty far from those of anyone I’ve ever met with BPD. I am admittedly very manipulative, but I don’t think I’m pathologically manipulative. It doesn’t excuse my behaviour, but it does offer some context.

I have a severe anger problem. I will get frustrated and start screaming and punching myself and if people try to comfort me, I get angrier because it is too much for me to deal with. Last night I got so angry that I punched my best friend, which is wholly unacceptable. We’ve been friends for decades, but now I’m not sure he’s ever going to speak to me, and if he does, it isn’t going to be the same, and if the genders were reversed I know I’d be in jail right now.

This is why I got fired from my job, why I had the cops called on me on Christmas eve, why I’m no longer in the band that I started, why I wasn’t taken seriously when I was molested (I was 14, the anger issues started wayyyyy earlier than that), and why my last three boyfriends dumped my psycho ass.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t channel it into magick because I can’t control when I get angry. I am pretty damn in control and successful in most aspects of my life, but I just can’t get a hold on this. It happens now about once a year, but when it happens, I lose all control and it’s horrible. I’m honestly afraid that one day a cop is going to shoot me because I can’t control myself.

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That’s a lot to handle. What experience do you have with evocation, and the elements?

A good place to start is with the Elemental Kings. They are: Djin, Paralda, Nichsah, and Ghob. [Fire, Air, Water, Earth].

I’d suggest for you to write out which elements need balancing, and then begin to work with the respective King.

For example, suppose I am very lazy. This is an imbalance of earth, an excess of earth. (Earth is associated with security, groundedness when balanced). I would find the opposite element - which is Air. I would then work with Paralda, the King of the Air to get some motion in my life. (Air is associated with thought, motion, and intellect) .

Does this make sense?

Note: the sigils for them are on this forum, and in the book Evoking Eternity

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This is the first time…ever… I admit publicly I have an anger problem. And yeah - its pretty bad; I’ve made life a living hell for myself and my girlfriend, over petty and important shit, and I’ve said shit to people in anger it’s a wonder nobody’s dragged me outside and shot me. My hand darts to grab something and throw it. I’ve spilled drinks on friends and dared them to fight me; they never did, but they’re also not my friends since it happened. I have friends in the military who probably didn’t (or did…?) mean to come off as cocky as I took 'em, and amongst the many things I snarled through gritting teeth at them, I told them I wasn’t afraid of their training, or prison. No one’s taken me up on my offer, but we also don’t speak. My problem is I have a hard time not doubling down on my shit, and tend to overkill on the insults. I act like I’m indestructible, and truth is I wouldn’t know how well I’d do in a fight. But, like my girlfriend has often said, nothing’s ever really worth escalating - it’s YOU making this big deal over small, stupid shit.

The only time, as mentioned, where any of this were channeled into my magick work was a month or two ago, when I made this huge seal of Haagenti because the anger and the fighting and everything just got too unbearable, I think I requested to NOT “be an asshole” towards myself or my loved ones. I dont remember now what I asked. For almost a whole month, things here at home ran like water and Koolaid. Communication was great, and we we were…I was… brightfully, genuinely happy.
I haven’t repeated what I did that night with Haagenti because: A) self-doubt has me to where I feel I wont get the same results twice, and, B) when did I become this monster that needs magick to be a normal, calm and cool person?

I’ve flipped through book after book, lhp literature and recently more “angelically” inclined material, and I’m not sure there’s any one specific spirit to help quell (permanently) a violent temper. I wasn’t always like this… I’m gonna be forty next year, and I’m just really down and somewhat ashamed that I feel I’m turning into some mean old man I never wanted to be.

Sorry…this post made me feel like I needed to say something. Didnt mean to turn this into Dr. Phil.
I totally understand what you’re saying, though.

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I wouldn’t say that I’ve had anger issues, but there have been times in my life when I’ve felt a lot of rage and hatred on a daily basis. The thing is, you have to feel the emotions or they’ll hide in your subconscious and mess with you in ways that you don’t want.

I think summoning demons is really the thing to do for learning how to live with negative emotions and make them a force that benefits and improves your life. Sometimes you just need to destroy. What you destroy makes all the difference.

Sometimes, there are people that you need to destroy. If someone comes at me with malicious intent, I don’t let them hurt me. I destroy their ability to harm me. Sometimes, there are aspects of myself that I need to destroy. This is not about self-harm, but about removing toxins and false limitations. I’ve seen the power of baneful magick cast on others to bring devastation. The same power can eliminate your own weaknesses. The same power can destroy structures that hold people down.

I don’t like to constantly spew my own stuff, so at the risk of sounding like a broken record, here’s a ritual I received from Lucifer. It will make you confront your emotions in a very direct way so that you can direct them to where they will serve you well and be in balance. It will teach you control.

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Ive found drumming or running tend to take the wind out of my anger sails, and build up energy which is useful for magic and the body. Also trying to be in the present.

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Have you tried sublimating it (directing the anger toward a more “civilised” outlet)?

Expressing your anger through art, music or poetry is one way. Another is by taking up combat sports. You can even try and find an abandoned location (preferably with run-down cars), take a sledgehammer or baseball bat, and just lay into everything you see until the anger exhausts you.

What you’re feeling in those moments is natural. It’s not a disorder. Both male and female possess traits of one another. Ecologically speaking, in barbarous cultures, the aggression traits for a man were needed and satisfied through hunting and war. The aggression traits for a woman were needed and satisfied through violently protecting that which they chose to nurture when the men were away.

In a civilisation, particularly today’s, the aggression traits cannot be spent and satisfied in those ways without violating law, so they are mostly sublimated. The competitive aggression is marginally satisfied through business, sports and “pulling”. The other aggressions have many sublimated outlets such as game-hunting, social activism, gang culture and military service.

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