I don’t believe Magick is either black or white. It’s just Magick to me. I wanted to work with Beliel, so, I worked with him. If I want to learn about something, I take the time to research it. Learn about it and make it my own.
I’m currently in a path working with Satan, because I already know him. People talk about how dark the Magick is, how they want choas - fine, choose the choas if it’s right for you. It’s not choatic for me, I make it as simple as possible for myself in order to not get burnt out.
And frankly, I am bound because I used sex as a revenge tactic. I’m not allowed to put love spells on another or to help me find love - because you can’t really love another until you fully love yourself. There has to be an honest connection with my next relationship, if I am granted to have one.
Trust me, it’s been hard. The last year hasn’t been easy. I’ve been through some things I wouldn’t wish upon my enemy. Sex is just sex without connection. I know how to tap into my primal.
While I get life is more than just sex, I had to come through a lesson on sexual healing. With the sexual healing came a realization. If I can accept the imperfections of myself, it’s easier to look at others and realize they have faults that can be overlooked. Unless they were harmful to others.
For me, my life is my own. But I will respect what I have been taught. I was so detached from myself a year ago, I was very mean. I was disrespectful to others. Kindness doesn’t come easy for me.
I’ve learned in the past year to mostly keep to myself. I can have conversations and I am the biggest loner you’ll ever meet. I’ve never had a lot of friends. A lot of people I know. But, my family (my parents, my sister) have only really seen the real me.
While you may call yourself a Black Maigican, I just see a Magician who is probably mirrored in some way to me. You’re wiser than me, so, I can learn from you.
Now, back to the being bound to what my ancestors say. This is only matters of the heart and in love. The emotional connection has to be real, because I’m shy about my heart. I have a hard time being touched. But I don’t mind touching others.
People get to abrasive, I still shut down at times. The timid part of my spirit comes and shields me. Most of the time I’m quiet.
They say sticks and stones can break your bones - but words can never hurt you. That is a lie. Sometimes someone can say something to you that affects your subconscious that it takes a therapist to pull it out and that’s when the healing starts.
The details don’t matter. But when you’re a teenager and your own flesh and blood states the words “You’re nothing but a simple headed bitch” - the lie can be repeated over and over.
It’s all about healing. My ancestors want someone like my Father to be a partner, they come far and few between. They want me around people who live. Not gripe about their situation.
And I didn’t feel disrespected. You asked, I answered.