Hi everyone, I’ve been away for a while. I have been slowly undoing a major, you could say, attack. So this isn’t a me presenting information post but a me looking for advice post. Life has been going well enough and I’m happy, but still struggling with getting away from the grip of my old spiritual path to being completely LHP.
I didn’t want to write this earlier, cause I’m uncomfortably aware of how talking about stuff like this sounds like you may be having a psychiatric attack of sorts… but the fact that I’m happy and not a danger to myself makes this not urgent. I should stop rambling and get to the point.
I feel like I’m being blocked from pursuing magic and deepening my relationships with demons. Maybe by people, but I’m more inclined to think it’s my old RHP spirituality still blocking me. I have been getting free of them, incrementally over the past months, but have tried rituals and just don’t know what is left for me to do but… wait.
I have thoughtforms in me. I’ve been half-asleep, dreamed pushing one out and then it “came out” then tried to torment me but I thought Beelzebub’s name and he seemed to get it away completely. But then, why can’t he just remove all the thoughtforms I feel like the RHP have put inside me? He may be waiting for me to become strong enough to do it myself. If this lifetime journey is to be my legacy one day, of breaking away from the RHP. I don’t know. One time I was asleep on a camp stretcher having a dream conversation with a voice saying “well I’m going to knock over your stretcher” and then I woke up with the front of it crashing down. I feel like they’re in my environment around me at all times and can fuck with things physically, probably “through me” via manifesting magic.
I can feel the RHP putting this fog of energy around my head, like a cloud to hide me from accessing the demons/demonic current mentally. When I text stuff like this to other people it pisses them off and they make other peoples phones glitch. Nothing works well in getting rid of them completely so I’ve been biding my time. I have tried revoking and renouncing all light but these bastards are hanging on with everything they’ve got. Maybe I need a powerful enough ritual. I feel jammed, my desire to do magic and evoke is jammed. Perhaps this will take time. I still have Beelzebub and my incubus and my servitors looking out for me. But I’m not “all-in” the LHP or even half-in.
I shouldn’t make this too long. If anyone has advice or input it would be appreciated.
