Advice for a newbie please?

Hi! Try to keep it short. Like many others raised a particular religion but being forced to be a part of something I always questioned never gained any faith in it and demons were always “evil” and “bad” so I stayed away from all spirituality for years.

I turned 40 recently, having been a carer for my only family member for the last 15 years as they deteriorated. They are quite demanding and going out by myself always caused huge arguments as has the 2 relationships I did let on about.

So dates have been a no go because of this person. Pretty much I have this person, almost no friends and get guilted if I try to do something by myself. I fell in love deeply with one of those 2 people but she went back to her ex because of her son not handling their separation well. Her partner told her some pretty vicious lies about me which has meant she now will not talk to me even though we had said we would always stay in touch and get back together when her son was old enough.

About a month ago I contacted someone who is involved with magik and in passing they said that I was very powerful and if I chose to explore I would have to be extremely careful as even things I wasn’t really trying to do would work powerfully. So for the last 3 weeks I have been following what she has advised in order to get the person I love to contact me.

A few days ago I stumbled across evocation and in reading about demons and spirits I now have a belief and faith. Only what I was told has been replaced by different view of demons and spirits. That they are essentially just like humans, capable of both good and bad. So onto why I need advice and thanks for hanging with me.

2 days ago I decided to try an evocation of Sallos to help with my ex. I read and downloaded what 2 people had done onto my phone, found the incantation one had said (the other was already there) and just said them out loud but quietly so as not to be heard by the person I care for (I can’t use incense and everything I own is crammed into the 2nd smallest room of the house).

I went to bed later that night and was lying there and I saw a shadowy form floating in my room, could make out no details but heard a voice in my head talk. Used the phrase “my child” a few times, said what I wanted in my head, agreed on a payment once it had happened and time frame and that was it and I was left with this certainty of it happening.

Yesterday I printed out sigils for both Sallos and Marbas and last night I gazed at the sigil for a time in my room. I saw the sigil fade in parts and come back but I had to leave the room to go cook dinner before I wanted to. I popped back into the room for a few seconds and felt a strange feeling and what felt like a cat brushing around my legs only both my cats were outside at the time.

I went back out to the kitchen and spoke softly what I wanted and what I offered in payment. I heard a different voice in my head, we negotiated as it was a short time frame (4 days) and making someone need time in hospital due to an injury that would need joint replacement as they won’t have the op unless they are forced into it.

I thought maybe it was just me talking to myself so I went back into my room later and used the incantation half a dozen times, apologised to Marbas if it was already done because I was new and unsure, asked for the same, offered again.

I went to bed and not long after going to sleep and starting to dream in my dream was a figure the type of I normally do not have in my dreams.

Long dark hair and a fur coat the same colour as the hair. Looking back the hair was kind of like a lions mane. I felt a strong presence too. Enough to wake me and I didn’t really sleep after that, just short naps but I feel no tiredness at all and ironically plenty of energy.

I feel that I have contacted both even though I didn’t intend to at the time and was only preparing for Sallos and it wasn’t a very good attempt with Marbas. I feel I have been conversing with Marbas today at times about different things.

Would just like to hear thoughts from more experienced people about what happened but please no comments on my reasons, there are far more than what I have touched on. I apologise for it being so wordy but it just flowed out once I started.

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Thanks to @Lady_Eva for adding in the breaks

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It sounds like you’re off to a good start. Using specific names for specific spirits is a new game for me. You might get different advice from the experienced evokers here on BALG, but I suggest continuing with the entity you have encountered.

You have given greatly of yourself for the benefit of another. You have every right to want a life of your own, so try to let go of guilty feelings when approaching your helper. If your intentions aren’t harmful or unreasonably greedy, you shouldn’t assume that anything you are doing will have negative side effects or lead you toward darkness.

The poetry involved suggests that a warm and caring ally has entered your sphere. Religions constantly push the concept of trickster demons, but from what I’ve seen, good poetry is a sign of good energy.

I might seem “right handed”, but remember Ohm’s law: Energy will follow the path of least resistance. Sometimes a helper will give you exactly what you want, but sometimes they will teach you to transcend the wanting and lead you to a better place that you might not be able to see yet.

Good luck. You seem like someone who deserves it.

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Thanks very much for your kind words. Someone I once explained the whole thing to said “sounds like she needs to have to go to hospital for a year or so” and unfortunately I agree.
Having looked after her for over two thirds of my adult life, I feel it’s time that I was able to devote enough time to myself to have a family of my own. She does not care that I will be totally alone when she goes, she just doesn’t want me taking time away from her to meet someone and have kids, she said herself she was being selfish and didn’t care.
I am pretty much happy in life to let things go as they naturally flow, I am only asking for one thing from Sallos and one thing from Marbas so I don’t feel it is greedy.

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