After struggling for some time with old thought & behaviour patterns that led me to addictive behaviours, I have noticed that (& I believe anyone who has battled an addiction can agree upon) initially I engage in that behaviour in a weak attempt to numb my emotions & somehow fill the emptiness within myself and repeatedly doing it eventually makes it a habit. But when it reaches a point where one constantly seeks out new behaviours/substances that has more novelty than the previous one, despite the fact that we know that we would never partake in that sort of behaviour without the addiction, it starts to feel as if the addiction is a separate āpersonalityā within.
I may sound jumbled up, but considering the fact that mere fictional characters, after given considerable energy & attention, have the ability to transform into egregores that the magician can evoke and converse with, can the addiction take on a persona of itself & actually become an entity (egregore/thoughtform) of its own? I do acknowledge that the āaddictive personalityā is a part of me, itās just that after pouring sooo much of emotion, attention, time & energy into a specific addictive behaviour, I really wonder whether all that input can actually create an egregore, though involuntarily?
Also, from a magical perspective, what rituals have you folks employed in your journey to help fill the inner emptiness and actually feel āwholeā again? I am really not too enthusiastic about visiting a medical practitioner to overcome my chronic emptiness because they only acknowledge it from a scientific perspective, by giving drugs (which I have taken & it honestly doesnāt solve inner issues except for feeling a temporary euphoria) and spiritually healing is out of the question for most medical practitioners.
Sorry if this whole post sounds like a rant, but I am at a point where I HAVE to find a way to fill the emptiness that I feel within, or else the negative thought & behavioural patterns together with the addictions will continue to carry onā¦
YES. I believe that love of drugs or other addictive activities such as booze, sex and even black magick such as evocation can take on a life of its own.
Clearly the physical side of things has to do with chemical addiction, the rush, the change of thoughts. The mystical feelings we get when we take pot, or other drugs. The escape of booze.
Iām an alcoholic. I havenāt gotten drunk in 4 years.
Some claim that those of us that engage in substance abuse are open to spirits, or the confused recently deceased shells. The recently deceased that happen to have the same addictions, latch on to us, then our addictions become worst, because we are boozing / drugging for two!!!
Then the addiction takes on a life of its own.
ā¦ yes and your egregore idea. Makes sense.
Battling addiction is FUCKING DIFFICULT. Not because we canāt stop ourselves from picking up a bottle, smoke, syringe ā¦ no ā¦ because we need something to substitute and fill the void.
Best advice I can give you:
Get into some positive physical and magick habits. Magick takes up so much time, because its a life long endeavor, that the trick is to keep things interesting. May I suggest that you consider this an initiation? None of what I say next will impress you in the least, I know, but the road ahead of you is challenging. Thereās no sugar coating it.
Here are some things you can try that are both magick and mundane:
Create a little water / cleansing ritual that you do at the sink in the washroom.
Bring an extreme thought into your head such as: Size of the earth, speed of light, rotting flesh ā¦etc.
Invoke anger about something wrong in the world
Invoke release and/or happiness about something good (or fake it!)
Learn a new system of magick.
When you feel the urge for your addiction, focus on your breathing for 10 reps
Keep a diary and write the HELL out of it
On the floor and gimme 10 push ups!!! NOW!
Write a e-mail or messenger post to a friend you havenāt seen in a long time
Perform an evocation with a NEW entity. See if they have any advice
Thank you for taking the time to come up with a thorough & helpful response! As always, I WILL incorporate your ideas into my journey. I really appreciate you being open about your addiction with alcohol, I have been struggling with sex addiction for the past 2-3 years.
It is odd, but the first step on the journey seems to be to admit you have a problem. We both did that.
You may suffer some setbacks, just roll with it and get back on the horse. I still have a beer here and there, or a glass of wine. It is just not wise for me to have more than one.
We need to reprogram our brains, and this takes time. Thatās why transformational magick, or brainwashing if you like is such a powerful tool. Little rituals, evocation, invocation, elemental magick, pathworking with the tree of life or the qliphoth, etc etc. This is transformational magick.
Light seekers who polarize themselves to being all good all the time, are the ones we need to worry about. Embrace your dark nature, flaws and all, and from this we can truly heal.
Please continue to be active in the forum!
May your journey be filled with struggles for you to overcome.
Rahnoren, I have been wanting to ask you this, when you were struggling with alcoholism 4 years ago, did you notice or feel the attachment of astral vermin to yourself that basically helped make your life even worse?
I still struggle. I still want to sneak back to the fridge and drink several glasses of white wine after having the 1 I allow myself.
Quitting 100% is not in the cards. Obviously same goes for sex. We just need to get back to behaving normally. We arenāt going to play the martyr game and abstain 100%, we just want to be normal.
YES Astral vermin has been bothering me for years. It still does. It is way more than vermin.
When you talk about your enemies as if they were just filthy vermin, and you pretend they have no real power, thatās when they crush you. The biggest mistake we can make is to underestimate our enemies.
An Iranian shrine was hit by suicide bombers dressed as women just recently. A shrine!!
Everyday, my mind wanders and I lose myself in my stupid little life and my stupid little routines, and I fall right back in to wanting to just sit there and get drunk. I KNOW itās not me, because Iām not that person. Iām a spiritual, magickal being that can transcend all that shit, and I do it all the time!!!
People like you and me need to never forget the basics:
(I will say āWeā here, but really this is just me, but you might benefit.)
meditate by simply focusing on your breath while you breathe. Thatās all it is. Just focus on the air coming in and out of your lungs. Let everything else melt away. Thatās core meditation.
we need to center ourselves with a basic, 101 level centering ritual where we turn our focus onto our solar plexus and try to accumulate energy from our surroundings.
grounding ourselves once centered by pushing our focus down and feeling an exchange of energy with the Earth. Basic grounding is a childrenās ritual ā¦ but so many of us forget it.
cleansing ourselves. a splash of water, or asperging (sprinkling) some nice scented water around the house while pushing positive energy into everything
shielding ourselves from astral invaders, and our own demons. again, basic childrenās rituals, but we always forget to do it! Especially addicts like us
Blessing things and people. Yes āBlessingā sounds like a dirty word, but get over it man. Magick is magick. (EDIT: Never tell someone you are blessing them. Do it in private. Feels great.)
The noise and Astral invaders, my formidable enemies rely on my slipping up.
So far, I havenāt gotten ādrunkā in over four years, but have slipped occasionally and had a second glass of wine by sneaking it.
Itās great that you can relate. Yea, personally I have felt on so many occasions that I need to cling on to, not only my addiction, but the depression, low self esteem and self-pity that comes with it despite the fact that those NEVER help me at allā¦
Well, after doing a consultation with our truly amazing & powerful comrade, Valkarath, he informed me that they were a group of astral parasites feeding on me and that pretty much confirmed my suspicions. I cleaned my house, energetically & physically as well as did banishings, because for quite some time I have noticed that the atmosphere in my house tends to be moody & dark (meaning, anger, bitterness & conflicts).
I am still working on it, though i have a loooong way to go before I can ever claim to be ācleanā.
Thanks for keeping me accountable, Rahnoren.
We got rid of the astral parasites pretty quickly, but now Pazuzu has to do the hard part ā¦ he has to clean up his own mind and take control of his life. Heās doing an amazing job so far. Iām proud of you, @Pazuzu.
Right on! @Pazuzu! There will be setbacks, but donāt worry about it. Every day, and every hour is a chance to reset. While you breathe, you can get back on the horse.