Opened a brick and mortar business in 2020 and would listen to books all day working. Only I would open a store during the pandemic! I also spent time on tik-tok and have always liked rocks and stones. There was a moldavite fad where posts were circling about a stone that fast forwards life. I looked around and found a (hopefully for the price) genuine necklace. It was just for fun.
Looking for a different kind of book I happened upon one about Kundalini. Started meditating a few times a week, nothing excessive. It taught me to vibrantly visualize very quickly.
*Looking back, I can’t think of anything else that could have affected what happened next. The moldavite and the Kundalini book teaching meditation I believe are connected. I remember reading and/or watching The Secret around that time as well. I have scoured my brain for anything at all that would have led to my state of my mind or aided me even, unconsciously*
This next part is stupid and dumb luck as it happened by chance, yet in retrospect, it didn’t. Something that I visualized during a very specific solo sexual situation happened in front of my eyes later that night. It was so unlikely and improbable that I immediately connected the two the next day and wondered if I influenced that.
It was a crazy thought at the time but because of the unlikely nature of what happened it piqued my curiosity and made me wonder.
I didn’t get someone to fall in love that didn’t know me or anything like that. My first wish had to do with my husband so he was in proximity to me. What I visualized had never happened. What unfolded that night was odd as it took him out of his routine he had not ever broken and then my visualization occurred. It was a night for firsts and enough of them to connect the possible dots. I
I am a skeptic by nature and without thinking twice started to work on convincing myself it was a coincidence. Started small, things that would happen, later in the day. Moved to things less likely that wouldn’t happen overnight. No, I never did the lottery. My gut told me it wouldn’t work for some reason and wasn’t a good ask.
I am not a solo nympho so I didn’t do this to excess, even forgetting things I had done that took longer to unfold. At the time, I half-way didn’t believe the little things and thought maybe they were going to happen anyway. That is why I never stopped to realize what it was I was actually messing with. I kept thinking I got lucky predicting somehow.
My business did well, I moved to a beautiful home far larger than I ever expected and life was good. I wished for multiple good things during that time and got them. I wanted a house that was above my approved finance amount and it got raised at the last minute. Again, lucky coincidence. (I never wished for money for my business. This is almost silly but I would meditate in the back and there was this doorbell thing that went off when customers came in. At first I wished and used that. Later, I visualized holding my end of year statement at 500K a year before it happened. Salesman told me grossed more than the individual chain businesses that year in the city of 300K people nearby. My town has 15K people. He mentioned it because I needed and bought more stock than they did)
Coincidence I kept saying. I had not been wrong yet, I really kind of believed that still at the time. I kept reading new age books about like gurus and stuff and remember it changing my attitude. Not excessive positive but my glass was half full. I remember not finishing the Kundalini book for some reason. Sometimes I think I should have kept going with what I started even though I didn’t do much. There were many warnings throughout the Kindulini book that make me wonder if that played a role.
Stopped really doing it shortly after I moved, probably because of ADHD discard and not a lot of time to myself.
I made two more wishes (what I call them) after the move and then forgot completely about them. Two dozen successes and for some idiotic reason my brain came up with something that technically could happen but nobody would believe would happen either in an attempt to be proved wrong. I blame this on ego. I had already, in my head, correctly pre-guessed so many things that I solo *expletive* wished that I think I thought I would put it to bed and finally be wrong about what I could do.
That was truly my motivation but that does not matter one bit, I now know.
I meant no harm but what I wished was ridiculously backwards from reality. I didn’t even want it. Didn’t think hard about it. Just did it. The other improbable was something that I had zero success obtaining to date for a number of solid reasons. Thought I would try that, too. That one was shocking the day it happened but it was a positive thing. The other wish rocked my husband’s life and health affecting myself and my kids.
The damage has been severe. Took me way too long to face that none of this is a coincidence and I asked for this to happen. I did so in a dangerous, powerful way that I didn’t even understand.
I realized then that nobody I knew could help me. Speaking about what I had done wouldn’t be easily believed. I told my husband the whole story. He wasn’t as upset as I thought. (At this point he had not endured the worst yet) He believed me but wanted to know if I would do it again. I told him I would try whatever he wanted. I told him my feelings on the lottery and movie stars and crap not being realistic and felt like it had to have the believeable, to me, minute chance to occur. He picked and I did it and it happened that night. In all, 3 different things he came up with I successfully did. He knew I was telling the absolute truth at that point.
I had originally googled what I had done right off the bat and there wasn’t shit but porn. It wasn’t until 2023 that I realized I was recklessly meddling in witchcraft completely knowledge less. I panicked because I did not mean to enter into that. I believe it does not matter if I was ignorant. I should have stopped playing the game for a minute to realize that shit was happening around me that was statistically low, repeatedly.
That should have been enough early on for a pause but it was impossible for me to jump to that at the time. Still, I know I would have kept calling it coincidental and lucky before I gave any credit to my mind and sexual energy.
So, I started from the bottom and began reading and researching. It seems what I did is usually the product of two people together in tantric. Found many who use it for amplifications of their spells. Also, the steps for doing it in a ritualistic sense. Some of the elements I unknowingly did like bathe beforehand. Had a candle lit. I am naturally an intense person that bursts with energy. More than most.
I have had ADHD since I can remember. It was bad when I was young and my parents didn’t want me on Ritalin so they had to put me in a private school. I never sat still or in my seat. My grandmother called me a cricket. Back then it was really just boys who had it, so I was the only girl in my school with true hyperactivity. As I got older, I chilled out by containing my moving energy inward but I still talk a mile a minute. I cited it as the source of my anxiety but now view it very differently.
My natural energy is I think my gift that allows me to do this alone. Or, an entity is aiding that I know nothing about. Maybe a mixture of both, I really don’t and will never know.
I finally got online and found people with Google Drive directories with books about magick. I began reading books, grimoires, older documents on whatever they had and then find another that an open linrary. I read Reddit for months and many other groups forums. Watched endless YouTube videos trying to learn and understand the basics. Watched rituals in amazement. Never posted anywhere. Just lurked. Felt like my story would be immediately scolded as stupid and dangerous and didn’t want to be reminded of the obvious. I know not a soul cares that it feels like an accident and I never intended it to be this destructive. The odd thing is, I can’t recall why I even picked that. My best effort is that I was simply looking for something improbable. Almost feels like I had help in a way picking that quickly and without hesitation as it was the only negative wish I made. I remember thinking it couldn’t happen. Yes, it can. Even if it takes an entire personality change and spontaneous mental health disorder to occur in a person.
I don’t know why I can produce results alone, previously ignorant of rituals and protections. I am probably not alone in this, it just may not be as common.
Currently I have a decent knowledge base of 50+ books with a year of shadow work. I can’t help but be interested in a little of everything. I would love to be able to go back and reverse what I did but it would difficult, I think.
The damage incurred can not be repaired as it is repeatedly affected myself and children mentally. My wish was rash and caused a late case of mental illness to appear by my husband.
I said what I wished was so unlikely as it was. So unlikely that it took a sudden onset of a mental illness to happen. There were other ways I can think of but this one is far worse with the same result. I can’t help but think that is on purpose as it was my second holy shit sign that something else other than luck was at play.
Ironically, I had wished for a blacked out version of the same car that I already had and didn’t ever tell anyone. I got that, too. It was a gift given as a sorry for swerving off the road with me in a manipulated attempt at suicide. Nothing came like this in the beginning. It was all neutral or pleasant. Nothing at all to make me think differently like I do today.
The realization that I don’t get to pick how it happens is somewhat terrifying to me.
I know I am not alone in this part. I have read many stories of spells spinning out and landing much like mine did. Happening but nowhere near how we thought they would. Life adjusting in ways we never dreamed for in order for whatever to occur.
My education and ignorant experience in the craft has now made me cautious and somewhat frozen with some fear.
Another part of me knows I have to keep going. Nothing big in life happens for no reason. I feel it and have failed to stifle whatever the hell it is. I feel like sex magic isn’t the end it is just how I stumbled into this.
It hasn’t reared its head in a while but I believe that I might have something like a poltergeist. During the serious turmoil, an object went missing for a month. An obvious one and reappeared right where it was weeks later like it had always been there. (I tore this house up and cleaned it top to bottom to locate it. It was not here and was searched for by multiple people). Along a certain plane that runs through the house, every hanging object has fallen. A large round mirror came down in January. It fell, landed on its front and did not break. The hanging hardware was not bent nor the holder on the mirror. Another large, glass blue gallery picture fell and it did bust apart. The other things were not as breakable. A few large sounding crashes in rooms have happened with nothing that has happened. Everyone in the house has seen or had this occur.
Nothing has happened lately so I forget about it but I think it is still around. Stuff like that doesn’t just vanish, does it? I am sure I allowed something here doing what I did with no shielding.
I will figure it out.