Absolute beginner but knows what he wants

My interest in occult arts started after reading Aghora Trilogy books. I’m a Goddess worshipper, though not very religious. I feel more connected to a Divine Mother probably as I was born in a star called Mula as per Vedic astrology which is ruled by Nirrti, the dark goddess. I don’t have a lot of desires except an insatiable urge to learn more every day and to know the secrets of the universe. My interests are demonology, and working with a black goddess like Kali or Lilith. I’m from India so I have a good idea of the female entities like Yakshni, Dakini etc., but do not know how to work with them.

I would like to work with female deities to advance on my spiritual path. Also one important thing I would like to mention is that I have a very raw sexuality which I’m struggling to control, it is destructive and perverse to a large extent.

Could someone offer guidance on where should I begin and who should I approach?

Thanks for reading.


Is this beneficial or malevolent in your case?

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Both beneficial because I have a lot of sexual vigour and malevolent because my fantasies are not approved by society.

Edit: Regardless, I need some guidance on how to make it work for me.

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Have you tried asking Lilith for assistance in that matter? She might have a solution.

I plan to do that so have been reading a lot and researching on her. I would like to prepare myself to approach her. Also I just want to be her disciple and learn all the things she wants to teach me.

Approach her as an equal and she is opened to helping you. She very caring and comforting in my limited experience so far.

So not as a goddess or some motherly figure? I plan to meditate on her sigil for the first time once I think I’m ready.

For some she is maternal, for others she is a lover. I can’t say what will be in your case.

Ok, may I ask what is she to you?

I actually don’t know yet, that’s a funny case.

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if you want to do things that would be ill-advised with a human female, you could ask her to provide you with a companion succubus who’s into that - spirits can be incredibly “perverse” in terms of what they enjoy, because they are feasting on the energy and the depth of emotion raised.

I recommend asking for one who also helps you gain control over this, and keep it from ever messing with your own life 9or anyone else’s for that matter).

On the other hand you would attempt to do the “no fap” thing and rewire your sexuality to make it closer to what you would have chosen from the catalog, had such choices been available to you when your brain was wired together

Again, a succubus can help youbreschool your arousal, and benefit from this while also shifting subtle energies in you to make it easier.


Thanks for your suggestion. I’m not looking for a spirit or an entity to play out my perverse desires. Also with my limited knowledge I think one can get a lot less if one plans to offer oneself to a spirit for sexual satisfaction. I’m looking for someone who will help me to channel my sexuality at the same time help me advance on my path.

You are suggesting to ask Lilith to provide me a succubus?

I try no fap everytime but can’t stick with it for long.

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That sounds like something she could help with.

Or her own good counsel.

Everyone fails until they succeed.

i failed to stop drinking alcohol meny times, for example, and then finally it all clicked into place.

There is a thread about it on here, it gets a bit silly sometimes, but if you want to start a new one that’s strictly on-topic and no larking about that might help? Give you accountability, support, and engage social pressure in a good way. I don’t know whether the humour aspect helps or not with this, so I’m not criticising it, it might be useful.

Just ideas, and I hope you forgive me commenting on this as it’s kind of “guy stuff” maybe. :slight_smile:

Thank you and appreciate your encouragement to seek support from good folk here. I will do some serious study on Lilith and seek her guidance :slight_smile:

it’s ok and I’m happy that you offered some suggestions!

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Also one important thing I would like to mention is that I have a very raw sexuality which I’m struggling to control, it is destructive and perverse to a large extent.

I must be in a good mood from meditating all day 'cause I’m giving away some secrets. There are two methods to dealing with unwanted/problematic desires and you can use them both concurrently or separately.

The first is the Tibetan/Hindu approach - extremely effective. Basically, you do a series of meditations built around releasing the unwanted desire and resolving the karma (accumulated weight of patterns of thought/behavior, etc) that got you here. Unlike the Abrahamic approach to this problem (repress, deny, sublimate, give up, transgress, repent, repeat) the Tibetan and Hindu approaches to these problems actually work.

The second approach is guaranteed to royally piss off everyone with a conventional, respectable occult initiation, and if you experiment with it, don’t tell anybody about it. Let us begin with fundamentals–

  1. All desires are thought-forms. They are energetic forms built up within your own mind. Since all energy is conscious, these are living beings. If you pour a lot of energy into them - like lust, or anger - they develop a will to be - a will to become manifest. The more you revisit them, the stronger they get. Once they develop the will to be, they will eat up your mental cycles by breaking into your thought stream and demanding you revisit them. This is where obsessions/compulsions come from.

  2. When you start doing occult work, especially meditation, every intense desire you ever had going all the way back to early childhood will come to the surface. Things you completely forgot about. Basically, now that you’re learning how to convert thought-forms into experiences (magic) - all these ancient, forgotten desires suddenly realize they have a path to materialization, so they all scramble to the surface and shout, “Me too! Me too!”

  3. The most important thing to realize is that desires aren’t YOU. Many disastrous calamities can befall the young magician who mistakes his desires for himself. The second most important thing to realize is that most of these desires are not contemporary - it’s something you wanted intensely for a brief moment when you were, say, eight, twelve, fourteen, it doesn’t matter. The third most important thing to realize is that panicky feeling you get when you think about giving up a desire or habit is not coming from you. It is the fear and resistance of a living entity that has developed a will to manifest and doesn’t want to die. Again, desires ain’t you. Indulgence will not fulfill you, neither will abstention deprive you. The only thing that can experience fulfillment or deprivation is the desire itself–and desire ain’t YOU. That’s why desires must be put in service to Higher Purposes, Bigger Plans, Better Reasons, Dharma, etc. Mythologies around sin, obedience, and shame have really screwed people up on this.

Now this is the naughty part. Desires you don’t want can be re-appropriated and used to become symbols of things you DO want. The unwanted “false” desire can be burned as a sacrifice to a true desire. Just like you make a sigil the symbol of a desire, you can make a negative desire a symbol for a positive desire. This is forcing the demons to build the Temple of Solomon.

Let’s say you have a recurring sexual fantasy about Suzy Swimsuit that upsets or offends you. You also have a magical desire for a new car. You spend a week or so building the desire/thought-form of getting a new car. Then you spend a week or so encoding the desire for the car into the form of the Suzy Swimsuit fantasy - just like you would normally encode a desire into a sigil or image. Now the Suzy Swimsuit fantasy is the symbol of your will to get a car. You abstain from all sexual outlets and release during this time to build the intensity and finality of the ritual. Proceed to the good ol’ wank method while fully indulging your Suzy Swimsuit fantasy, only now you sacrifice all the the built up energy and desire of your Suzy Swimsuit fantasy into the car. All your desire and feelings for Suzy are burnt up in service to your will. Suzy dies and you get a car. Make sure you understand that you are killing Suzy and burn up every bit of fear/desire/emotion in service to the car. It works.

Many make a big deal out of the supposed psycho-somatic boost of violating taboos in ritual. The fact is, you can get that boost without physically engaging in any activity that violates your personal morals/ethics, screws up your karma, or harms yourself or anyone else. Only caveat here is that Suzy Swimsuit shouldn’t be based on a real person - she should to be a fantasy character you devise yourself. That way the feelings you direct toward her won’t accidentally be linked to a real person.


In my case I would replace the word Alcohol with fapping. Goddam I was a fapstronaut…

I’m glad it’s past me. I been free from it since summer. And that’s a long sweet time.

Porn was a wanker really, nothing good comes of it besides a temporary “happy” boost.

Being a porn addict. You hate porn, but you love it at the same time. That’s the major challenge to overcome.


Thank you very much for such detailed explanation and methods!. If I’m not desires (which I can understand metaphysically) then the desires which are not useful to my growth belong to whom? My Higher self? Then why some desires which are self sabotaging?

The Suzy swimsuit fantasy sounds great, will try. Can I use this to get a partner with the qualities I desire?

If I’m not desires (which I can understand metaphysically) then the desires which are not useful to my growth belong to whom? My Higher self? Then why some desires which are self sabotaging?

One of the hardest and most traumatizing things you get to learn about as a magician has to do with the nature of your lower levels of thought. Your lower mind–the voice in the head–the mind of the body where impulses live - that mind is receptive. It’s the lunar mind - actually tied to the moon. That mind syncs up with whatever is projected onto it. We are connected at this lunar level and if somebody concentrates on you hard enough and projects certain thoughts/feelings at you–if you’re sensitive you’ll start thinking those thoughts and feeling those feelings. The lunar mind just goes wherever it’s pointed. Demons and other entities that are close enough to us can work that mind like a puppet, and magicians can literally project thought-forms into it and they will emerge as “your” thoughts, even though they aren’t your thoughts at all. Virtually all modern entertainment media is built around the same idea - getting the mind into a receptive state and then projecting thought patterns into it. And patterns that are repeated and held long enough “take.” If you aren’t in your higher mind steering, anyone can take the wheel.

All it takes for you to have screwed up sexual thoughts is for a screwed up person to have had a sexual fixation on you at some point in your life. I had close friends who were subjected to ritual abuse. One of them was in love with me, another at least had a crush on me. That’s all it takes. There was more to it than that, but I don’t feel like going into it. Anyway, flash forward to me being 18/19 and unable to figure out why I have all the symptoms of PTSD despite not having had anything all that terrible happen to me, at least as far as I can remember, coupled with weird thoughts/obsessions that didn’t seem to correspond to anything in my life history. That period of my life was so bad I can’t remember large chunks of it. My point is, there are multiple ways a receptive person can develop trauma symptoms and get severely fucked up even if you can’t remember having personally lived through anything all that fucked up. And THAT’s not even getting into the issue of deliberate psychic attacks.

Can I use this to get a partner with the qualities I desire?

I think you should make sure the true desire resembles the sacrificial false desire as little as possible.


I know that two people can think about each other in real time or with some gap after having one of them initiated the process. I experience it often mainly with girls I fancy.

Are you saying that having impulses in the lower mind are work of others and not my own?