Abaddon, I'm being destroyed, at least the shitty traits

So I started Monday. Only felt one message, or feeling of a message, like, you aren’t really meditating fully. You got issues, you made them a form of slavery. I have then felt like my issues of needing love from a shit early life, have allowed me to let abusive, or negative relationships continue. I have just watched a ten year relationship blow up, and I don’t feel bad about loosing all the tangible stuff I’ve worked for. Maybe I’m not doing it right? Everyone else seems to have profound messages and huge rewards. I’m staying the course, but was wanting some feedback from experienced forum members if I’m way off target. I’m usually hyper, I find myself just silent, in the dark, with my mind quiet for the first time ever, and alone with a bunch of open and honest wounds.


I’m no expert on Abaddon, but since he’s a destroyer, maybe this is par for the course with him?

1 Like

I feel like that’s right. I’m no expert either lol. It’s just reading everyone elses posts, like full conversations and I’m like hi, he’s like, fuck you. Punches me in face. I turn around with a few black eyes, waving see you tomorrow. Then he melts my ice pack, saying you suck. Ha, that’s what it feels like energetically at least. And I’m like, I do suck, I don’t value myself, so I can’t even be mad.

1 Like

I’ve noticed that when you change your inner thought/belief patterns you thus clear energetic blockages and become more psychic while simultaneously your life gets better and you get more opportunities.

I’ve had success working with balancing chakras, maybe this could help you too?

1 Like

I’ll do that before anything else tonight.

As for the spectrum of loving versus hating yourself (narcissism or healthy self-respect or whatever, I’m chucking it all into the band of “loving versus hating yourself”). That simple spectrum. You can realize that some people out there love themselves even though they’re truly awful. And you realise there’s never a reason to hate yourself, even if you currently do. It’s a waste of time.

I love myself, but recently I’ve considered that although there may be many things I love about myself, I ought to make certain that I love myself for no reason. Even if I were fat, dumb, poor and wrong I ought to still love myself and be on my own side and be correcting but also worshipful to myself in attitude as if I truly were my own master.

Picture two hopeless people, one loves themself and the other doesn’t. Only the one who loves themself has any chance of improving.


Yeah, I didn’t, suppose it’s why I allowed others to treat me as such. Can’t fix it till it’s dead I guess.

You can fix it now. Billions of people alive now or not hate themselves. It’s not special to hate yourself. When you die and look back you’ll think, I could’ve accomplished so much more and enjoyed life more if I’d chosen to love myself.


Sometimes, if you want to rebuild something, if you want to fix something or whatever, you have to destroy everything (or almost everything), sometimes even yourself, or a part of you, or several part of you.

I’m working with Abaddon, for He is my Patron, and the way how He’ll teach you and help you in the path of evolution and change, it will hurt. But in time you’ll find out that the true problem is inside you.

When I’ve talked with Him at the first time, He started pointing at everything inside me what makes me weaker and whatever shit I’ve went through before He simply told me that I didn’t do any shit in my life.

Yes, that’s what He said. He knew it well that I’ve became better, stronger and my knowledge it grews, but I didn’t control my life, just drifting with the flow, no matter how many things I’m able to “control”, I simply didn’t let my potential put a bigger effect on my life.

He isn’t only “Destroyer”. His strong suits are also war, soldiering, tactics
and even lust, love and beauty.

The way how He teach you… what could I say, one day you’ll find out that this is all about respecting yourself and embrace your very being, all of your potential and strength.
“You deserve this because you are deserve better.”


I don’t mind tough lessons, just making sure it’s right for it to go this, “Fuck your couch Charlie Murphy,” route. Thanks for feedback and input.

I’m no expert on Abaddon though I have spoke with him in hell and I do hope some people look at my post even though it is super long and tell me what you think.

You make judgments, decisions and agreements/contracts with your self. Someone was just saying how they want to be a rap star or some dumb shit and sell their soul to Satan. Now let’s say he manages to be reborn, he will have all sorts of agreements based on dumb magick he has done in the past or even light agreements with himself that he has convinced him self.

I am learning right now that is the first place we should start, clear that up.

Now I can’t say you won’t have consequences that I can quite put my finger on by doing your working, but from what I hear and what I understand it is otherwise going exactly as it should.


Thank you. If the Abyss consumes me, it’s better than being a prisoner to my own weakness for a sense of stability that’s fake.


It’s really profound when you are a person that just wanted security in stuff and being loved, but then you start to learn, security of any kind is a crutch if it’s how you define freedom of individuality, and it’s just one more thing you can’t use as an internal measuring of strength, nor is it’s loss anything you can truly control. I think I need to learn the ability to not let myself think I control it, and working on inner strength, after inner decimation, is the first step. And i don’t think this is going to be a quick journey, this is just the beginning. Not too sound cheesy, but the darker side of Job kind of lesson.

1 Like

Loki, Odin, Hel, Freyja and Thor are pretty much doing this to me.


Loki was a brutal experience, but I got the desired results, after a view of the matrix, we’re all gonna die from chemtrails and nano tech, I’ve lost my mind, maybe I’m not real, but that alien over there is, ass kicked right into the fire of delusions and nothing is real until we dream it, because we have a stargate portal within, and also are creating reality by knowing what our heart feels. I think now, I’m being shown a shadow side of reality where i don’t have an ability to create or manifest. Guess this is the side where we’re just 15 bucks worth of chemicals occupying a meat suit. Catch fire Phoenix.
Good luck with your work and path.

Interesting and optimistic take. If the abyss consumes you, don’t you get eattin by demons? Or how does that work?

After finding out that my partner of ten years was the worst, on all levels of abuse, and having my life savings spent on his vices, and blah blah, I sat in the dark with nothing. I had no control, no feelings, no home, just feeling the ashes of a burnt shell. BUT, I did this death with the abyss, and it consumed the me I allowed to be abused, and not by my ex’s hand around my throat. I am no longer distracted or mocked for my beliefs and have regained rights to my own person, energy and power. I had to be destroyed so the insecure damaged self, from childhood on, could die. So I could rise, reclaim and realize its better to have no control than to give someone else that power to consume and use. Not an easy lesson or journey, still working through it. But, I was taught a hard lesson and now, I’m gonna teach the hard lessons. Basically, in Abaddon’s view, if I would allow myself to be weak enough to take so much and not rise up, be prey, and die then. No longer that person, they died. Reboot and game on.

1 Like