I agree with the statement someone said about your daughter coming first. But I also understand that you’ve been with your GF for several years. Long term relationships like that, especially if you were highschool “sweethearts” can be tough to just end like that because you spent the majority of your teen years and young adult years with that person. You grew with them and learned how to take on adulthood within their presence.
I had a relationship very similar to that, my daughter doesn’t have behavioral problems, it was actually my ex that developed the problems. I’d rather not go into detail but trust me when I say the situation was similar. It came down to him walkin away & saying you choose me or your daughter, you can’t have both.
That situation is not exactly the same as yours but similar. So I understand why you want to keep both of them in your life, but maybe your GF has just reached her limit of what she can tolerate mentally and emotionally. I’m sure she does care about your daughter, she wouldn’t have helped raised her if she didn’t but maybe she is thinking I love him and I love his daughter, but his daughter’s behavior is getting so out of hand that I feel like all we ever focus on anymore is her behavior. Sounds like she genuinely just wants some precious time with you without having to worry when the next outburst will be. Even though she is an adult, did you ever ask her if she may be afraid of your daughter? Children, although smaller, can put the “fear of god” in some people because they are so spontaneous.
I’d recommend this, work on your daughter she comes first, get her into counseling, even if you have to enroll her in a boot camp thing to scare the shit out of her for a few weeks, scare her into behaving. At home, set new rules & boundaries for her and if she violates the rules, be strict and enforce them no matter how much resistance she gives you. Sit her down and make her watch a few episodes of that show “Beyond Scared Straight”. It shows kids with issues like this going to a prison for a day & the inmates there tell them what adult prison is really like to scare the, in hopes they’ ll straighten up so they don’t end up in there.
I don’t know the extent of your situation, but I can tell you that explosive anger like that if uncontrolled can eventually lead to your child ending up in jail as an adult. Anger like that is addictive, a very hard emotion to break, it gets worse as time passes unless some type of intervention is made. But make her watch that show, tell her, if she doesn’t go to therapy and doesn’t try to get better on her end, you’ll be sending her to one of those prisons for a day to experience the same boot camp thing. Get her on some meds and make sure she takes them.
While all this is going on, keep in contact with your GF over the phone, tell her you realize how much this is affecting her and that you are trying new methods to help your daughter and that you’d like to get back together when you can assure her that your daughter is on the right path. Doing a spell on your GF will only be temporary if the problems are not actually fixed and things will spiral out of control again later on, similar to a love spell eventually wearing off. I’d ask an entity of your choice to instead, help you with your daughter’s behavor first, then if it’s meant to be with your GF, things will rectify themselves when the time is right.
May not be what you wanted to hear, but I am only trying to help so please don’t take offense to anything I said above. I had good intentions in writing this to you, and I am only going by what I’ve read on here so far. I took many psychology classes in college and I have a few psychologists in my family, one who works specifically with children with behavorial problems.