Hello? Is anyone there? This place, I think I remember it. It has been so long. . .
Beyond perhaps to Lady Eva, I am just a guy who came, stayed for a bit, and left. Recently I have heard the call to come back into magickal workings once more, but the reawakening has been quite rough. I don’t go into something like this unless I have a legitimate desire, but now it has become somewhat cautious.
After becoming very sick, exhausted, and overwhelmed with a lot in my life, my ritual workings had led my altar to become a messy and smelly mess. Candle wax everywhere, pendants, ash, daggers and blood left and right. No longer was I getting results as much as I was just playing a game. At the very end, I did something similar to what EA did long ago: I wrapped almost everything up and tossed it out. I was done with this, it only made me feel awful.
Months go by and a lot had been forgotten, but I still had my notes and records of sigils and other things that had been put into motion. Some of the most unbelievable things had come true after months, from coming into contact with amazing people and falling in love, and it made me reconsider what magick could do. After a while, to make a story short, I decided to get back into it and cut out excess and abstract wanderings that led me nowhere.
So here I am, doing basic things at night such as the Serpent Meditation to get myself back into daily meditation as purchased supplies make their way through the mail to me. As I am meditating, my perception of the position of parts of my body is becoming very distorted, such as my arms feeling like they are very high above me or that I am upside down above my altar area. While this isn’t anything new, what my mind decided to conjure up made me very uneasy.
In only what I can describe as a creature that was a mixture of Nylarthotep and a giant spider wearing a torn black cloak, it popped up in my mind on it’s own very vividly (the detail of what I was seeing was absolutely amazing and I wasnt forcing any of this) in a desert landscape. It screeched loudly and, with it’s spider apendages, scuttled extremely fast towards my point of view and tried to attack me of sorts. I then, through my mind, saw it perched on the soon-to-be altar in front of me just glaring down at me. I felt the presence of more figures make their way to my left, right, and behind me. My heart began to race as I began to hear audible whispers that reminded me of one of those animals that can sorta say words like “hello” or “I love you.” These whispers were talking just like that but in a language I couldn’t understand.
I quickly became disoriented with my spatial awareness of where my body parts were. They felt connected to me but scattered in different directions and angles, seperate pressures and forces on each that made my head spin. Eventually in my mind’s eye I saw a black figure rush up behind me but with a limp and this was too much. I was jerked out of my meditation and flipped on my lights. With what felt like 5 minutes was actually 35, which honestly blew my mind. I have meditated before and done rituals where time perception seemed to be off, but this was something new. Just getting back into this after some time off, i’m not entirely sure what to make of this and if I should be worried or not. I have felt the presence of other entities before around me, but never have I felt actually threatened or fearful for my wellbeing.
Any advice or ideas about / on what the weird creature was, perhaps the other figures I felt approach around me? Should I be worried? Is there something I should do regarding this as I begin to get back into magick and dust off my old robes (sorta speak)? Thanks, as always.