Just introducing myself as was advised. My name isn’t actually Donk, but I don’t like sharing personal info with complete strangers on the internet.
Since the age of 17 I’ve been researching on and off, what’s commonly known as “fringe”. I was introduced to what I now know as right-hand path concepts, and while I noticed positive changes something didn’t quite sit right with me. I abandoned this path and descended back into the flock of sheep, simply because I became so frustrated.
Still, I felt something was “missing”. I discovered the so-called, atheistic religion, LaVeyan Satanism. The Satanic Bible was an extremely influential book, it really struck a cord with me.
I didn’t have the means or materials to perform rituals that were present in the book, but I was able to tweak them to my own accord. I couldn’t tell you what they were now, as it was many years ago, and I never burnt incense, used runes or sigils. In fact, they were much simpler and mundane. Still, they worked. Through part-action and part-performance, I was able to achieve my goals. I tapped into something I didn’t really understand.
Alas, I stuffed it all up and became a drug addict. This decision would have ramifications years down the track.
2019 was a horrid year for me, but at the age of 29, it has brought me back to my desire to empower myself. First off, I was diagnosed with MS. Then, my mother died. The strength I had gained in my early 20’s had disappeared, and I want to to “find myself” again.
I understand that this will take time, and patience. Instant gratification is the symptom of the sheep, one who wants to “appear” as something to impress other people, without substance.
So here I am. I am working on myself mentally and physically, so that I may develop the necessary endurance to practice magic, to touch that unseen world, so that one day I will become it.