Litte update. Nothing much happened in the last few days.
I feel a bit sick and do not have much energy. I seem to have caught a cold and the weather is turning colder so that might be it. I also had a far to short holiday and working again while two colleagues were away was exhausting.
I did not meditate regularly nor did I do much else. I read the forum here and there but thats pretty much it.
The time I did meditate and the days after I had very interesting visions. While meditating I suddenly felt a snake on my bed. It was green and thick. It bit me two times. First into my crotch area or sacral chakra then my chest / heart chakra. It coiled around me and rested its head on my head then vanished.
I then dreamed about me being together with my brother. We went down a set of spiraling stairs through a dark tower that went into a deep place. There were two parts at the end. One room to the right wich gave me a lighter feeling and one to the left whick was pretty much pitch black.
My brother seemed the one leading here and was really exicted to meet what was here. We went into the dark room first.
This room was round and seemed like some top of a tower. It was open when I looked up and was filled with a dark void. There was one entity here. A dark chinese dragon about as big as a cat. It floatet there and began to speak to my brother … and me because i was there too. I seemed more of a sidecharacter though. It told us if we could stop our heart for 6 minutes we would unlock the secret to a tremendous amount of power. My brother was quite excited and happy. I was sceptical because that sounded fishy at best.
We went into the other room and it was the same here structure wise but here it felt like i was standing in a pavilion and see into a beautiful blue sky. A man in a white dress / toga? with no hair was in here and he gave of a scholarly aura. He talked to me this time. He told me the way to power was one of learning and understanding (got more fuzzy here) my brother seemed like he was absentminded here.
The dream then shiftet into another.
I now was part of a kind of schoolclass but a magical one. We all had to write an essay about some occult knowledge. I remember me being quite confident in my work but not really what it was about in detail. The teacher which was really similar to the bald man before came to me and gave me his assesment. He told me my work was good but I should leave out the part of the “dancing demonesses” as it was not really relevant. He showed my a paper (probably mine) and told me to swap it with “this”. Here I saw a playing card. I was sure it was a tarot card and depicted two people with veils one darker one lighter on one card. The only card I know with two people are “the lovers”. The dream ended.
I do not understand most of this but i think the places the snake bit me and the card tell me to get my lovelife together (or started in any way). I just do not feel that desirable yet. I had a chance to meet a girl from a dating app that even wrote me first but have not logged in for about a month. I feel like I have too many shortcomings. Some i can change some i can not. I feel miserable thinking about that.
I have put some things I wanted to do on hold for no real reason other than that it would be a bit of work. I feel exhausted and got a bit lazy again.
I feel distant from some parts of magic I had interest in and noticed how I felt drawn to almost everything for the first months that I started this. Now I feel more distant to themes and also entitys. I felt drawn to Lucifer first but I kind of get nothing now. I now often notice Hecate,Cernunos and Astaroth popping into my mind for some reason. The spirit animals from my early journeys are more present know,too. The dog foremost. As im still new I do not know how to really work with a spirit. I feel like I have dabbled in too many things and have not focussed hard enough on one thing.
I will step on the breaks now and learn a few things at a time. Next projects will be finally learning tarot. Then the Ogham. While keeping meditation up again. After that I will probably decide on a spirit to work with for a longer time. Not sure who yet though.