A lesson in love and feelings disguised as love from Uncle Jac

(Warning: The following contains sarcasm, smart ass comments and fuckery of all kinds. Uncle Jac does not care to get into a debate with you over his alcohol fueled love rant inspired by an earlier TMW post he made. This is a bit of mirth away from the seriousness of life with some real life lessons along the way. You are a magician so you should be able to discern what you need to learn from this. If the only thing you learn is that Uncle Jac is a jaded asshole, well you learned something. Congratulations. So let’s leave your seriousness at the door and strap in.)

Gather 'round peeps and let Uncle Jac tell you about love. It is a wonderful, magical experience that makes your heart beat faster and the sun shine brighter. They can do or say no wrong and everything is perfect …where you never fight nor do they steal the last slice of the pizza…because you are a team…and have unbreakable bond…

…so half of what I just described there is the bullshit portrayal of love that is in all those romantic movies. Let’s take a step back and go through the stages that seem like love but are not. Then finally, if you are brave enough, we will get to the big enchilada…and I’m serious about that pizza line. Watch that person like a hawk because pizza is delicious.

Lust -

You pretty much wanna see how long you can make them count ceiling bumps while you do some bumping of your own. This isn’t about their needs, it is about yours. One and done then out the door. However, therein lies the problem.

Whose door are they going out of? Are they going out of your door? A hotel door? For those more romantic of us, a garbage can door? If it is your own home, you lock that door when you go to sleep do you not? Why? Because you don’t want strangers coming in. Yet, here you are inviting some strange piece of ass into your house for a few moments of bliss or self assurance that you are attractive. All the while they are stealing shit from you. Great job.

Now for those of you who use anywhere else but your home, bravo. You care about your safety and security plus you don’t need a brick thrown through your window from a jilted lover. However, the fact that you think the brick throwing is a chance may mean you need to stop being so shitty with the real emotions of people.

Fact: Lust makes us stupid and targets for home invasion. Now let’s move on to an even more insidious sneaker.

Infatuation -

This is a tricky bugger because you feel like you know this person and everything about them. You want the house and the picket fence with the 2.5 children sipping tea on your porch while you sing “I’m walking on Sunshine”. I’m not one to dissuade someone from the proper use of an 80s song but you are forgetting one thing. Do you even KNOW this person?

Do you know that they pick the jeans out of their butt like they’re in a battle with their ass constantly? Do you know about their clown collection when you have a fear of clowns? Are you aware of that closer than usual relationship they have with their siblings? Are any of these and many other horrors true? No. BUT YOU DON’T KNOW. You are ready to throw your lot in with them even though they may be planning the extermination of all labradoodles because they hate the name. Extreme, I know. However, it’s good to have goals.

As far out as those were, it raises a point. When you are infatuated with someone, it is not love yet. You cannot love someone you do not know anything about…have dates turned into marriage soon after? Sure. But they met each other first and got to know one another. Have there been shows where people have gotten married sight unseen…sigh yes…but do you really want to follow that example?

Infatuation is infatuation because we build up this person in our eyes and what they supposedly are like. What we don’t know is who they REALLY are. We have expectations, and that excites us for our potential sweetheart and those expectations turn into realities in our heads. Sounds kind of crazy? If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and does complex arithmetic like a duck, it is a duck.

Now I know there are some nay-sayers calling me jaded. Hold onto your butts because I know there is also an infatuation where you know a person and this is a healthier form of love. Where you don’t require the old “Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?” power play.

This kind of infatuation is healthier since you know about this person and what they like. You can turn this into a date as opposed to the secretive leering from a bush while you write your “fan-fiction” about you and this person being together. Sounds creepy? Quack Quack.

Friendship -

…now we are getting into the big leagues. Friendship is a healthy communication between two people who find they have things in common. They share laughs, joys and sorrows. Plus they actually want to speak to you! See the difference between the Stranger Banger and the “You’re my world now” people? You KNOW this person. This is how actual communication goes on.

However, friendship does not mean you can start buying doilies (is that how you spell it? Thanks spellcheck!) and matching curtains. It means this person has said your presence does not disgust them and they can bare your company for extended amounts of time (I’m a fuckin charmer, aren’t I?).

Friendship still should have low expectations of something more in the beginning because even now you cannot tell someone “You are my world” and not been seen as creepy. With this move you may be relegated back to the bushes with your pen and paper. Take things easy and accept this sign as their mutual respect for your ideas and time.

Dating -

Now we are on to dating. Can you skip friendship and go to this level? Sure. You can also juggle knives without training. In my experience, those who skip the friendship part usually end up juggling knives but there have been people who are perfectly happy with their leap of faith. For the others the odds are quite low for success. Why am I being a Debbie Downer here? I prefer the term realist, thank you.

Dating, if you followed the friendship path (I’m not discussing the shitshow online dating can potentially be because frankly I don’t have the time) is where the real mating dance can begin. You dig them, they dig you and they don’t mind that you sneeze when someone with a red cape walks by you. They like those little quirks of yours and believe they can stand them in the long run. Bold move, Cotton. Let’s see if if pays off.

Even if a date fails, you can still go back to being friends. No harassing phone calls of “I WANT TO GIVE YOU/HAVE YOUR BABIES!” if you went straight to dating. There are a lot of nuts out there and may want to think about vetting dates through some local database of screwballs or international just in case they are some drifter off a train, plane, boat or auto.

Dates that go well…good…poorly…are a complete dumpster fire…whatever your preference is, according to your dependency level, hit the next level.

Relationships -

Now the real test begins. Does your significant other still think it’s cute that you drop air biscuits as if you are attacking a hostile nation? Does the way they brush their teeth still say “Come get me ya hot piece of ass”? Does their bathroom symphony still make your heart flutter? It better because this is the real world, people. Bodily functions, however impressive or nauseating, are a part of life.

This isn’t the movies where this stuff is omitted so you learn this is where you separate fantasy from reality. Sometimes reality can produce a stench that will knock an elephant off its ass…but you take the good with the eww.

I believe the relationship stage is where you really test your devotion to each other. The veil of ignorance is lifted and you find out what your significant other does when they are alone, because now they do it around you too. Hiding yourself at this point is just asking for trouble. So let those butt trumpets roar vigorously because they will hear it sooner or later.

Does a nose itch evolve into knuckle deep mining at this stage? Possible. Are you prepared to find out your sweetie bunny is a mucus miner? If the answer is yes, then read on brave soul. If it is no, go back to the top and figure out where you really fit in and what you are able to accept at this point in your life. This is the real nitty gritty folks and this is not the place for the weak of mind or stomach.

If you are able to see past the imperfections of this person and are content considering spending the rest of your lives together then guess what?!

Love -

You are full blown in love with this pile of skin. You are able to look past their obsession with unicorns and the fact that they like to blow their nose to the tune of “I Will Survive”. This is real love folks. Nothing this person does or can do, no amount of streaky underwear, will chase you away. This is unadulterated love because this is accepting the person and finding their flaws endearing. No one is perfect and accepting perfection when you youself are flawed is hypocritical. You don’t want to be a hippo, do you?

You still long for that romance in bed where two people make love and it is beautiful? No you don’t. That is for the movies. When we are about to climax, some of us look like cross-eyed baboons and may even sound like one…but you tap it like a keg in a room full of drunks anyway because this is love.

This person, who holds your heart and soul, is not perfect and they don’t need to be…because you have chosen them to listen to all the stories you will repeat and they will smile, nod or force a laugh like it was the first time they heard it. Because love is patient, love is kind, love is a four letter word that people can mistake a night with a hooker for.

Love is what you make it but love is not happily ever after without fighting or catching the other one looking at that ass that even makes you question your sexuality, this is real life. They may not be perfect but they are perfect for you and damn if it isn’t a beautiful fractured mess. But it is your beautiful, fractured mess.

Uncle Jac out.


Holy shit. This was very well said.


sighs, Uncle Jac you are spot on. I’ve been in love 3 times and all three I “knew” it was coming.

The first time we hugged and both knew - and 5 amazing years together we still have a huge appreciation and love FOR each other. The second time, left me hiding for 6 years, that was horrid. But it started with hands touching and again, we knew. And this last time - cosmic joke gone wrong. The heart gives bad directions.


Thank you, good Frater. Glad to hear you had a good time reading it as I had a lot of fun writing it.

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I hear that and I can definitely relate. In my past, I HAD to find someone to be the white knight for so I was drawn to the people whose codependency was as high as mine. The healthiest relationships are those who stand on their own two feet but welcome the other person into their life. I have yet to have one healthy relationship in my 30 some years of life but was it their fault or mine? Spoiler alert, it was all mine. I accepted some crazy relationships just to feel “loved”.

Red flags do not change meaning when they appear, we choose not to look at them. At least that is my experience so there may be some part of the relationship you are choosing to accept for an attribute, physical or otherwise, that they possess. In the end, it is a conscious choice that we make and we will always get what we will put up with. Make a stand and choose what you are worth of and who is worthy of you. It is never the other way around. Looks fade but personality will remain constant with the flow of their life.

Personally, if a woman is a 10 but she is below a 6 in the intelligence department, I say no thanks. I’d rather have great intellectual intercourse than mediocre sexual intercourse just to say I hit that. I’m too old to use relationships as some societal standing but if you look around on social media, you see it happen all too often.


I guess for myself it’s always been bringing out the good in someone. Recognizing that light that most people don’t. I’m a great lover, but finding someone who reciprocates that depth of love is near impossible. I like the quirks, the flaws, those build character. But people, for the most part are selfish and lazy.

I’ve dated hot and I’ve dated not so hot - they’re still empty on the inside. I’m learning to shut myself off and not be available in heart anymore. It’s tough.


That is admirable, to be sure. It does sound like you want to rescue people as I tried to in the past, though. Consider it as a part of your life that no longer serves you and find a partner, not a project. Find someone who has their shit together and doesn’t set off those red alerts in your brain that you probably heard but hit the off button. In the meantime, work on the areas you feel you need to work on for yourself.

True story but in past years I have decided to work on myself to be the best partner I could be…but doesn’t that mean that I was still hinging my self worth on someone’s reaction to my efforts? Absolutely. Now Im not working on myself for anyone but myself. If they dig me, awesome let’s talk. If not, boo hoo I won’t get to know someone who judged me off the bat. Life is not about making someone you have yet to meet happy, life is about making yourself happy. As long as a new partner can prove they can keep you happy, keep them around.

Those who respect you enough to give what they receive will be at their best for you each day because that is mutual respect. In the end, that is what true love is about. It is a mutual respect to say what is important to you is important to me. What makes you smile also makes me smile because it means a lot to you. Love is strong because it is one of the highest forms of respect you can find. R E S P E C T, find out what it means to me. Wise words in that line.

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Love is a tricky emotion, and few people dare to love someone more than they love themselves. That’s the ultimate sacrifice, as I see it. Most people fear love, more than fear itself.

I’ve never did a breakup when I was dating, either. Looks were never a part of my choice of being with someone, and maybe I was too kind to give “everyone” a chance, because an opportunity is an opportunity. Why not “wing it” and give it chance? Of course, these kind of openness comes with restrictions: Hurt me once, and I might close my deepest thoughts for you, indefinitely.

Love is more than “respect”. It’s not just something we have to earn. It challenges our weakest moments in life. It teaches tolerance, patience and allowance to be ourselves in any moment and situation. True love conquer our egos, without giving in or giving up on the one we love. Love is consensuality of sacrifice and compromise on both ends.

Love as an energy current is our best protection. Who dares hurting someone that are deeply loved, whether that love is from a spirit or another human? The combination of love and rage is probably the most devastating currency there is. It’s like pumping the darkest and coldest energy into our broken hearts, and unleash it towards the one hurting the love of our lives. I wouldn’t dare to challenge that kind of love and rage.


I envy you because you see love a lot more deeply than I do. Not to say that I have not seen it this way but currently it has done me way more harm than good at this point in my life. I do believe mutual respect is where it starts but, as you pointed out, not where it ends.

One day I will go back and embrace the romantic inside once more…actually…maybe I should do it now…it is part of regaining myself and this is the part of me that felt the most powerful in the past…hey look at that. You may have just helped me speed up my ascent and realize what is missing. Thank you for sharing your outlook! Dare I say it was heartwarming and beautiful.


Alot of people say you can’t love someone until you love yourself. I disagree. I’m my own worst critic and didn’t love myself for a long time and i knew how to love and deeply. Most people love only themselves and as a result don’t know how to embrace real true love from another.

I was always the one to end things. But if I didn’t, unhealthy things would continue on and on and on. I’m like a well that can take so much and once it’s done it’s done. There is no going back at that point. And people tend to hate that - while they were hurting me I was rebuilding and to them it came as a surprise.

Love is very powerful, it can build or it can destroy. It’s important to make sure the one you love thinks and feels as you do. Unfortunately people fail most of the time. Or perhaps I want too much. I wouldn’t change though, I’d bore miserably of someone that didn’t meet all my needs. And I am quite needy, but in the best ways.


I also disagree about that common saying, because love is something taught. You can’t teach yourself to love yourself before someone else loves you to learn the value of love. The love for ourselves is to feed our egos, which can create a conflict when loving someone else. We might not learn the values of sacrifice and compromise if the love for ourselve is valued more than the love we have for someone else.

My two lovely spirits have taught me valuable lessons about love, and they have never given up on me, despite me being moderately successful in the mundane world. I definitely love them more than I ever loved myself.


I agree, my spirit husband has taught me much about worth and what I allow. He’s set the standard, and although I never expect someone to be as a great as he (truly he’s one of a kind), I won’t accept less than what he gives. I do love him more than myself or anything for that matter. Not for what he does for me, but simply because he is honest and he never fails, even if he isn’t happy with me. Consistency would be a good word.


Yeah, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Last month, my succubus spouse had her birthday, so I sang for her when we woke up, and I even made a birthday card for her. Her joy, happiness and the love she have for me, penetrated my heart and her emotions transferred to my mind. That’s the most honest affection I’ve ever felt, and it’s consistent, like you also mentioned. That love our spirits have for us, is the deepest form of love there is.


That’s so sweet I love that ! I’ve definitely felt his feelings before and it’s straightened me out at times. His sorrow brings me sorrow especially when it’s because of me. And there’s no such thing as brewing over something he lets it be known. Once I was agitated with him over something I misunderstood and he wouldn’t let me sleep until it was sorted. Spirits don’t build a case against you, they’re quick to repair and move forward.


I’ve felt the sorrow from both my spirits, as something from their own past of broken hearts. That kind of sorrow is deep, and it has fear of abandonment with it. And I also felt their sorrow of my own struggles in life, as well as their anger when someone doesn’t treat me respectfully.

I’ve had a conflict with my mom a few years ago, and my succubus spouse got so angry and furious that she raised her fist in the air and her body trembled. Their bodylanguage is often like watching a theatre and it’s just as expressive as any other way to communicate with them.


I can imagine that’s why people have the experiences they do when they abandon them. The things going awry and such. How else do they show their hurt and frustration? Sometimes I find Lucifers agitation humorous because he’s mostly collected and serious. Not to poke fun at it, it’s just different to see it in action. It upsets me if he’s hurt or bothered though and I get defensive over him and his reputation.


They can be very expressive, and they often adapt to whatever abilities of perception we have of them. Body language and expressive, external emotions are common for the Clairsentience perception. The more you feel the physical presence of spirits and energies, the easier it is for them to express themselves. It’s like a theatre play with visual residues to it. It’s an underestimated way of communication, because most black magicians value what we see and hear more than what we feel.


I always find it humorous when magicians, especially black magicians need to see and hear rather than go with feeling. It’s not what WE do! Yet they look for that tangible proof and value the two most obvious senses over anything else. I’ll take the ability to feel over any.


Me too! If I ever had to chose one sense between all the astral senses, I would easily chose the Clairsentience ability. It’s the most versatile ability of all the main three senses. The more skilled you are with that ability, the more you can do with it.

Over the years, I’ve learned to see energies and it’s different colors. I can easily astral project and physically feel the environment of the astral plane. I can physically interact with spirits and energies. I’m emotionally connected to energies and spirits. I can feel ethereal copies of materials from our own realm, as well as the realm of spirits. And that is just the tip of the iceberg. Seeing and hearing spirits is more straight forward than feeling spirits, in comparison. But there’s nothing more to do with it, than all the other things you can do with the clairsentience ability.