Starting a journal here as a sort of motivator. Everything in here will be related to my LHP journey, namely demon worship.
The first thing I want to do is create a specific altar for working with the demonic. I feel like they need their own space, with tools attuned to their energies.
I think I will go for an altar-in-a-box sort of thing. Something about the size of a traditional suitcase. Then I can easily put it away - safe from Christian visitors as well as one very curious and clumsy cat.
Aside from that, I will begin working with King Paimon and Duke Berith, to start the process of shedding my skin and discarding what no longer serves me, as well as change unhealthy and self-destructive emotions into something I can control. Not letting the fire burn down the forest, so to speak.
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I did some automatic writing, specifically to connect with a friend who sadly took his own life about a week ago.
As someone who has struggled with that kind of thing in the past, I felt like I had a special connection to him. Like I knew his suffering, even though he never told anyone he felt this way while he was alive.
I felt so much anger, pain, loneliness…he told me he didn’t know other people cared about him so much. Especially his parents, since his relationship with them was so terrible. But he hates that nobody wanted to be close to him and love him until after he died, and that he was jealous of what I had.
But he also apologized, for what he had done. He never wanted to hurt other people.
He also asked if he could stay around, for a while. I agreed, hoping it will give him some sense of peace.
I did this session the other day and I can feel the anger in him starting to subside, so maybe it will help him move on.
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Ordered The Daemonolater’s Guide to Daemonic Magick, Grimoire of Tiamat, and Draconian Ritual Book today. Will be a week probably before they get here, so I’ll have to be patient.
As a related note, I felt drawn to the teachings of the Temple of Ascending Flame, so I contacted them as well.
Baphomet has been a lot on my mind lately as well, and feels like the one pointing me where I need to go, along with Duke Berith. I see Baphomet as one of Satan’s many forms, and is especially associated in my mind with enlightenment. I know not everyone agrees with me on that, but so be it.
I’ve also been…I guess you could say basking in King Paimon’s presence. It’s been a difficult time emotionally for me, with the death of a friend, coming to terms with my illness, and other things I won’t get into happening to me or to loved ones. His presence is very soothing and caring, not unlike a father or elder brother figure. I’m thankful I was led to work with him.
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Began working with Lucifer today. I asked for guidance on my path - he will help me strengthen my connection to the demonic as well as help me shed things that weigh on me spiritually.
He also asked me to dedicate a rite to him during the upcoming solstice. For people where I live, it’s a day of eternal light - the sun doesn’t really set at all that day. Seems like the perfect day to honor him.
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Dantalion has joined the group of demons I work with. I’m trying to get someone to be more receptive to me and he seems to be the perfect fit. It’s funny because I ran across pictures of him from some anime and they looked exactly like how I pictured him in my head, and then when I said his enn, it was like an electrical current went through my body. I guess he’s been trying to get my attention.
Also ran across a secondhand copy of Evoking Eternity so I picked it up. I feel like it will be useful later on.
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Haven’t updated in a while but I’ve got some things I’m working on:
-Working with Lilith and her sisters on an initiation/rebirth rite.
-Love magick for a friend.
-Had someone set a light for me since it’s work that needs to be done in secret. We will see how that goes.
-Enhancing my self confidence and attractiveness, plus cord cutting through work with Paimon, Lilith, Dantalion and Berith.
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Well that was certainly intense. I just had one of the most vivid, powerful dreams in my life. I woke up having a panic attack and I’m still trying to calm down. But despite feeling bad, the way it all ended was powerful and emotionally intense in a good way.
I was at the new house of a church-going family I used to spend a lot of time with. They asked me why I haven’t come to the church for a long time. I told them I didn’t want to try to be someone I wasn’t anymore - and pulled out a sigil pendant I was wearing underneath my shirt. I don’t remember whose it was, I want to say Belial but my memory is fuzzy there. Two of the family members flew into a rage and began viciously beating me with a baseball bat, kicking me, calling me the devil’s harlot and then throwing me out of the house. The other two members of the family were standing there horrified, but especially one - the target of my secret work from the previous entry. My arm was broken and I was bloody and bruised, but I managed to reach the forest across the street, grabbed a walking stick and made my way to the riverside. When I got there, I took off my shoes and left my phone unlocked - I was going to walk into the river and die there. I stumbled into it with the last of my strength, falling in the river and I felt my life slipping away. Then a hand suddenly reaches down and pulls me back to shore - it was my target. He asked what I was doing and I told him I’d let his god decide what to do with me. And I told him everything about how my life is right now, how bad things are. He didn’t say anything and just held me. Then he said I’m going to call for help, I’m not letting this happen and I looked at him and said please don’t leave me. He said he won’t and held me tight, and honestly that felt like the first time I truly believed someone wanted to help me. And there the dream ended.
I feel like despite being beaten senseless and trying to kill myself, it was a good omen for my work. You could say he’s the only one in the family who isn’t a mindless sheep, he just plays the part while he’s living under their roof. So I feel like my work will be a huge success, even if it comes at a price.
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The candle spell is ending on my target, but the effects should be around for a while. Now I need to do a road opening as well - despite them being open-minded there’s still some deep Christian programming in his head that is causing him to feel deeply conflicted with the spell going. Going to call on Wepwawet for help with this one.
I can’t get this image out of my head of him as a chained lion, struggling against the restraints trying to reach a plate of meat. Just a little magickal push and he can break free and finally have what he wants.
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I can see the cracks forming in his outer shell. He invites me to do things he knows his family doesn’t want him to do (nothing that scandalous, granted, but even so it certainly took me by surprise). I’m quite pleased with how this is turning out…I wonder when I’ll break through completely?
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I’d say the spell has been a success, but I still have cleansing and road opening work I need to do on both of us to get all the annoying bits away. At least I have easy access to hair, etc. to include in spells now - just have to wait for an invitation and he will give up his bed for the night. And I can also do ritual work there once everyone has gone to bed, or simply sprinkle some powder wherever it needs to go.
He’s much more willing to be close to me, and more affectionate in general. Just what I needed…not only that but it seems to have put a spotlight on me to old friends too, who are happy to see me. I feel content now, and secure in my friendships. Exhausted after all that, but I’d do it all again easily.
I’ll recover my energy for a bit and then continue this working.
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