For about a year I have a burning desire to leave society, cut off all of my businesses with others, buy some good pair of boots and set off by foots to wherever my eyes leads me. I do not even care about risks, such as a possibility of dieing slowly somewhere in the faraway woods from helminthiasis. And it’s definetely not a depression of somekind.
I guess that the true reason of this desire is that I find the future of my life here, on Earth, is going to be… uninteresting, maybe pointless, hollow in its core? I can’t really choose the correct words to describe it. It’s like I already know that all what living in material plane would provide me with is boring and… primitive? I’m about social status, money, popularity, different kinds of entertainments and etc. I just do not feel now to have any need in these things, and with every new year I separate myself more from it, like cleaning all the shit out in my life that worthlessly spends my time and stops me progressing to… yeah, something… Maybe I sound like a вычурный пиздюк that haven’t seen and tasted all the shits of adult life…
But I have made this post not to talk about me.
Does anyone here had\have this desire? I’d like to hear your expirience or at least thoughts about it.
Maybe this desire is a sign of something? Could it be a spirit\deity\demon influence?
I had this desire once, but then I realized that the cons outweigh the pros. For instance, what happens if it doesn’t work out and you want to reintegrate into society? You got rid of everything, and it’s going to be a pain to get it all back.
I don’t think any sort of entity influences it. I think for at least some, it’s mostly fueled by escapism.
Having an outlook on your future like this seems like a symptom of depression to me.
That’s why I am still here, because I haven’t done my mind with all this. I know that it’s a one-way road, so if I would decide to “fuck go back”, my life will be completely different, if will be at all. There is no turning back. That’s why I must be more than just sure in decisions like that. In my case, there won’t be an option to go back. IMO, in cases like this this option is for weak-willed.
I guess it’s not. I am not willing to escape any problems that awaits me ahead. I just see them as not worthy for spending any time for them and I also see them as non-rewarding in terms of progressing myself further. It’s like being in a kindergarden as a diploma granted professor.
Hell, while walking from bus stop to my home, I am awaiting for some gopniks to beat or at least to try to beat all the shit out of them. In other words, I sometimes looking for a troubles to solve, because I see that my life is becoming stagnant and oppressive.
It is not an outlook. It is a mere analysis of events and problems that would definetely block my way. And they seem not worthy of time that I should spend on solving them.
I see the whole situation as a cage that I got my ass in. A routin cage that have, at least for me, two ways out - leaving a society or somehow getting a load of money from nowhere, but the second is like cheating in games - the process after that becomes less interesting.
I really want to see the world, the Earth that we are all living on. And I want to see it the other way than from the window of the bus that rides to my medical academy everyday.
I’ve been thinking about this also for years. I’ve taken steps to prepare, and I always have to readjust my plans. Now I’m more into homesteading, as I’ve tested my ideas against nature. I’ve camped in Pennsylvania for about 3 months without anyone but a buddy who ended up leaving a month in. It was enduring and enlightening. It’s hard to go without money for tools, and meds. I’ve studied enough to know herbs, but you’ll need other meds for poisonous animals/insects, infections, etc. I’m always learning bushcraft skills, and testing in different environments. I say go for it step by step until you’re ready for the full experience. Best of luck on your adventure @Shemoos
Yes every day and with the help and guides from our gods/demons i know i would be fine i also live in seattle which has a high homeless population and tons of hippies i can hang out with and do LSD. Only thing stopping is my mother who has mental issues and i would feel some form of guilt leaving her.
I did this once and ended up sleeping on a cardboard box, underneath a stairwell in a Las Vegas casino with a random guy as company, who later tried to traffick me through the trucking industry, ran away from him with nowhere to go and ended up in SoCal, where I dated a guy who I was pretty sure was going to bury me under concrete at some point, ran away from him, and later found out he was busted in a massive heroin bust and working with a cartel, and is now in prison for the rest of his life. Along the way, I met two informers, and heard the missing Kennedy tapes. Eventually I got tired of running from these people, and returned to “normal” life. Make of it what you will. That was my experience.
It can be, but I was strong enough and smart enough to get out, once I realized whom I was dealing with. I wish I never would have heard those tapes, or met those people, but I’m still here, and not part of a swimming pool, so, I’m happy for that.
Mine was not caused by any kind of existential crisis. It came from pragmatism. I had been a working stiff for years, faced homelessness, could not find a new job, and was about a step or two away from committing serious crimes to resolve the situation. I was also in a very dark place mentally and emotionally. I was becoming dangerously antisocial, and I said to myself that if I continue I will never be able to love anything properly again, and I would end up in prison or dead. So I went off into the woods. As somewhat dramatic as it may sound, it was exactly that; no more, no less. Without going into detail, I will say it was one of the most positive experiences of my life. It allowed me to function on a social level while remaining at peace with the idea of doing so.
Two big realizations came to me out of the experience: 1. I learned things about myself (for better or worse) that would have been impossible to connect with in a populated environment. 2. After sitting in the elements for months you gain a perspective most never do. I was able to find value in a society that had previously held no merit to me, and learned to appreciate and understand people on an emotional and psychological level that I probably never would have been able to achieve while in physical proximity to them, as counter-intuitive as that might sound.
To put it in dramatic context: you walk into the treeline as something you think of as a human, to become closer to a god. Overtime, you are no longer a god and become a beast (the same in many ways?). When you have spent enough time as a beast you can then choose to become a human again, but with less layers of bullshit clouding your vision.
Yep. You. Your own. Externally, I seriously doubt it. It is important, IMO, to understand where your thoughts come from. So, in your case, is this compulsion unthinkable and utterly out of character for you?
That’s exactly what most probably awaits me in the future. You see, I am studying for being a medic (I really like studying and practicing medicine in medical university, it suits my personality, my disciplines, my schedules), and here, in my country, doctors, medics, nurses and others related are mostly very poorly treated by governments. Not to mention that students after 6 years of studying, when they are graduating the university, have to find a workplace, of course. But without a certain amount of working expirience (at least 3 years) employers would not even look at your application for a job. In addition to this, recently there have been a law amendment that fucked up medical traineeship that comes after graduation to the point that in the last year there were only about 15% of people from all of the graduated students that have passed all the shit to be applied for the new traineeship program. About a half of all of them (~7%) payed for their tests or had a contacts with a people in charge of this program that did “lend a hand of help”.
I must be lucky as hell or have a brains akin to one of the NASA’s supercomputers to overcome this utter bullshit that I have formentioned, to get myself into an even more bullshit like working 2x more time a week as a junior doctor to be able to pay for a norm of bills and at least buy satisfying amount of food.
It’s somekind of a slavery for me, to have a life full of work, to work for food. That’s why I have a strong idea of leaving this shit because I see no meaningfull reason to get myself into it further.
Moreover, the current economical situation in my country keeps getting worse and worse with every month. You may say that I should contact some spirits\demon for at least to get an idea of how to get out of such a shit, but I guess that it would not be okay to contact some mighty spirits that I am not really familiar with while being not even able to feel theirs enegry; it seems that I lack such possibilities.
Not to mention that I continuesly cut off my attachments to this world, to the joys that it could provide - I find them uninteresting now. For example, I used to have a whole lot of friends, I could easily go party with them, drinking booze and etc. I was happy to engage in something like that those days. About a year ago I did a major “cleansing” in my “friends list” so for now I have only 3 friends, real ones. Another one - I used to be a heavy video gamer (dunno how to properly say “ебучий задрот” in an english equivalent), now I just can’t stand to play something that I even like for more than 1-1.5 hours. This year I am becoming an outcaster who don’t want to engage in communications, talks but who still is able to easily be in a spotlight of people’s attention.
Answering your question - no, that’s definetly is not out of my character. I am moving myself to being abstract from society, slowly but sure, year after year. Maybe it’s me progressing further the path that I’ve chosen, only the time will show.