Per Lady Eva’s advice, due to my chronic skepticism about magick, I have been taking a break from it for a while. I have just been living life and seeing where the path leads me. I am not giving up on the idea that magick may be real. I am just trying to determine whether it is a good use of my time in light of my goals and in light of the deep seated skepticism which is said to be the death knell of all magickal endeavors.
So far I am not missing it. Mainly, I think, because I didn’t have any success with it to begin with. I do miss the “hope” that it gave me, but I am finding that I have a similar feeling of hope in the possibility that my brain and hard work will produce a better life for me.
I may try to pick magick back up at some point. But I honestly don’t ever see it working for me because of my skepticism. Without the suspension of disbelieve, it will be constant futility. But even if I could get rid of my skepticism, I just don’t believe that magick “functions” in the way that I initially thought. My mind is oriented very scientifically. And that is what I was looking for. For example, a meat grinder will always chew off a person’s hand if they stick it into its teeth. All the amount of “positive thinking” or “disbelief in the grinder” will not change the result in any way. In magick, though, the ceremonies (i.e. the “grinder” in my example) have no inherent power apart from the operator. I have not been able to manufacture within myself any interest in that type of procedure. It just isn’t in me.
So for now, I’m letting it go. I will be on here from time to time as my interest waxes and wanes. But for now I am conceding that magick is not a good use of my time.