A bit of a TW: Demons Supporting Abuse Victims?

Alright so I’ll keep this as light as possible since I don’t want to conjure up any bad memories or vibes. In truth, I meant to write this as a form of Empowerment and not fear, but I feel some shaky anxiety along with my excitement, so if that rolls off onto the thread I apologize in advance for the unwelcome jitters.

Anyhow, I’ve begun working loosely with a few of the Goetia. I have always been drawn to a few of them and had a childhood spent with one in particular, but I’ve actively begun a partnership or pantheon or really whatever you prefer to call it with a good number of them, some of which I call on once every couple of months, others I work with daily. I haven’t ever truly dedicated apart of my life, or apart of myself, so something like that in earnest before, and I find that the energy ranges from a sort of calm intensity to my focus (I have ADHD so that almost never happens), or in cases like this…an Electric Encouragement of “You got this! You’re a queen! We’re with you!” Etc.

A small note of appreciation to them for that by the way, but moving steadily onward as I don’t want to get too far off track here…

I think the reason I’ve begun feeling this electric hum is because I haven’t quite escaped my personal struggles with an abusive household yet. I’m definitely better than I was three years ago, and I’m definitely not as “brainwashed” or “forgiving” or “self-loathing” (though I do fall into the habits) but I haven’t fully escaped. I have attempted, but unfortunately I always wound up back. Either due to poor circumstances or just foolishness.

So, after working with these demons I’ve noticed that my desire to sit and try and fix things is almost entirely evaporated. My belief that if I leave I’ll die or be homeless or be a failure forever (I know, real mature) is still there, but so much more faint. I find myself desiring to leave, more and more, throughout the day to the point where I’m pacing like a zoo animal waiting on a Keeper to open it’s cage for lunch. On edge, tense, and…for once in a long time…fully confident in my abilities. I’ve been more outspoken, less worried over what [insert abuser name here] has to say or why [he/she] says it. I’m so outspoken that instead of letting things slide or simply shutting up like I normally would to make arguments go by faster I actively challenge the individual at every turn just to establish that I’m “top dog”. Instead of continuing to argue or threatening to kick me out (of the apartment that I paid for btw lol), they’ve begun to roll over and just leave me alone. Not always but far more than they ever did. Lastly, I’m getting clearer Telepathic messages, most of which telling me to tell the individual that I want to leave. That it’ll be okay. That I’ll be happier.

Do you think it’s just a matter of time, or do you think working with demonics in general can bring about this type of change? Have any of you awesome survivors experienced similar tales of bad-assery? We so often hear of how terrible life is, but I think it’s important to celebrate the little things like these.

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:wink: I’m glad to see you’ve either developed or regained your edge. It is a very important thing to have, with this work and with mundane life.

The entities, leave a little bit of themselves behind. Who you associate with seems to ‘rub off’ on you, spiritually. Most of the time, this is helpful/productive, i think due to the entities being so… well, old. They’ve had a lot of time to become fulfilled with themselves and their identities, and in doing so, have a lot to teach us about doing the same.

Some close spirits to me say I’ve lost my edge… and they can say that. It’s true, because I’m not the same as I once was. Of course the old edge is gone, I’m reforming myself :wink:

Itd be a waste if I remained an angsty novice trying to control every detail and curse whatever remained outside of that control

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Glad to hear you are on the way to empowerment.

I have never been a victim of DV, but I grew up in an emotionally abusive and controlling environment.

To answer you question, yes. You will change and become stronger. I am really wanting to tell you to work with Belial. I really feel he wants me to tell you that right now. I feel Belial will not only protect you, but do wonders for your strength and life here in general.

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I’m still scared of working with him. He’s always come across as intimidating to me. ^^;

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I thought this once…I evoked him in January and he helped me so much. He will probably be kind with you and want you to be your strongest and best self. His protection from harm would do you good too.

If you ever need advice on evoking him, please PM me and I will help you.

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Thank you. I’ll keep it in mind for the future.

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I grew up in a similar situation to you, and I’ve had a very similar experience since I began working with the demons. My parents trained me to be completely obedient, without question. They were all whip, no reward. Anything I said and did was used against me somehow, even if it was in-line with their wishes. There were several occasions, when I was still underage, when they made it clear to me that they could absolutely destroy my life on a moment’s notice, for any reason, which they almost did, several times.

I realized what was really going on a few years after I left for college, when I was away from them. That realization almost ended me. Thankfully, I was able to enter a completely new environment shortly after, where my mind was otherwise occupied. It helped me become strong enough to realize that a “good friend” of mine was just like my parents. It would be some time before the same realization about my then SO would come to me.

A few months later, after getting into meditation, I began practicing magick. I remember my first real ritual (other than jerking it to a sigil, good ole chaos magick). It was a minor curse, directed at someone who had been annoying me. It worked that very same day. I soon began working with the Goetia, and I directed the master curse at my betrayer. He soon crumbled, and I felt more powerful than I ever had in my entire life.

This was truly the beginning of my transformation. Though I had dominated an enemy, I still felt weak. I still cared so much about what other people thought of me. Understandable, given that this instinct helped me to survive my upbringing, but still it shackled me. Deep down, I still felt worthless, lazy, selfish, incompetent, all those things that I had been told I was for as long as I could remember. I did not yet carry myself with the grace, majesty, and dignity of a King.

As I changed, I could no longer accept my relationship with my parents as it was. There is no negotiating with narcissists so deep, and I have no desire for reconciliation. They made their choices. I reserve my love for those who deserve it. And so I took control. Their minds are mine now. Narcissists are as predictable as they are pathetic, so this was a surprisingly easy task.

While my story may be horrifying to those with a more sheltered childhood, I would remind them that most in my (in our) situation end up chronically depressed, constantly abused, and often dead by their own hand. I have risen out of the hellish circumstances that were assigned to me at birth and I have made this reality my toy with which I play. I cannot thank the demons enough for the power that they grant me, and the wisdom which guides my use of it.

In any event, congratulations on your success and your transformation into someone strong. You are more badass than most people can even fathom. If you ever need an understanding ear, you know where to find me.

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It’s rare to find someone who understands the abuse that can come with a Narcissistic relationship, as it’s one of the few types of struggle that you need to go through in order to truly differentiate it from the “average” emotional abuse. People who emotionally abuse, generally speaking, are still able to understand emotions and heal. Narcissists are so far buried in their own fanatical ego that they literally cannot and will not recognize anything, nor can they sympathize or empathize. They can have all of the facts laid out before them, some of which being facts they distinctly made present for you, but if that no longer suits them — then it goes from being weaponized against you to irrelevant in the snap of a finger.

I’m not glorifying abuse at all, just grateful that there are people who genuinely know and have overcome this kind of struggle. It’s a very, very dark thing that can incite symptoms of Stockholm Syndrome amongst other serious issues. The victims not only blame themselves but they often become shackled through allowing financial control or other such things. Their friends often leave them because, in the end, the victim is often trying for years to appease that which cannot be appeased, and friends understandably cannot standby to watch that breakdown.

Unfortunately, it’s that slip that leads to either the inevitable death of the victim…or their transformation. A metamorphosis that takes anywhere from a handful of years to a decade, and gods forbid if you have children because that just adds another layer of guilt, shame, and self loathing to the pile. It’s hard enough coming to understand a Narcissist as a mentally ill individual you can’t help or live with, let alone explain such a concept to your kids.

Thankfully, you are out.
Hopefully, more people will get out — of any situation similar — with the help of their path, their demonic friends, and their desire to thrive. I wouldn’t wish that sort of life on even my most hated enemy.

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Performing regular invocations to a specific deity(I usually prefer the Greek pantheon, but I might like to explore others later on) has resulted in a temporary change in personality which makes it easier to deal with people who try to push me around, whether it’s a family member or a workplace bully. When performing these invocations for several weeks at a time, I find myself thinking and acting differently, almost as if another personality takes over and I end up easily dealing with problems and confrontations I never thought I could cope with before. Sometimes I don’t have to say or do anything and it seems as if people respond differently to whatever subconscious signal I am giving off at those times. It does tend to wear off if I stop doing it, though. It’s wonderful to know that such resources are there if you need them, but sometimes all you want is some peace and quiet after you’ve banished certain people and influences from your life for good.

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Our society tends to place the parent-child relationship on the highest of pedestals, wanting to believe that it is infallible. Your spouse may leave you and your friends may betray you, but your parents will always be there. If I felt so inclined to divulge my history to all the random others that I encounter in my daily life (which I do not), I would ask them, do you believe that there are truly bad people in this world? People so vile and corrupt that they are evil to their bones? I have not heard a no to this question yet, but it seems to be difficult for people to understand that these hypothetical bad people are, in fact, very real. They also often have children.

It is an at times unfortunate consequence of human psychology that evil so often begets evil. Sure, there are those who become this way through an overly pampered and extraordinarily lavish upbringing, but I would say that most learned this behavior from their own guardians in childhood. Narcissistic parents, when they do not destroy them, so often beget narcissistic children. And so the cycle continues.

I refuse to be a victim to their disfunction, but I have come to accept that I was shaped by my experience. Though I have emerged more or less sane, functional, and at ease with life, my childhood will never leave me. The things that I did to survive living in such an environment and the things that I did to maintain my own sense of self without allowing them to mold me like the clay they wanted me to be will stay with me until the day I die.

I have no regrets. I have dealt with the guilt, the shame, the self-hatred, the raw and unrestrained pain of it all. I have, largely, faced these emotions within myself and let them run their course. I have become able to accept my childhood for what it is, and able to move forward with my life, productively and in a manner that is pleasing to me.

I write this now and I do what I do here because I know that there are people out there who need help, and not in the way that some would try to give to them. It may not be pretty, but for some people, a few curses would do them a lot more good than all the loving-kindness and forgiveness in the world.

And for the record, I would wish such a life upon an enemy if I believed that they deserved it. Some evil can only be corrected through punishment. Some need to be punished harshly.

I suppose I’ll leave my ramblings at that. Thank you for sharing, and I wish you all the best.

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It is generally agreed upon that a Narcissist who recognizes that they are Narcissists, become less outwardly ego centric, and by extension, less outwardly Narcissistic. I’m uncertain of the specifics, and I’m not saying awareness is a cure by any means, but I personally do not think those with NPD whom’ are aware of their behavior and attempt to be emotionally functional in spite of the fact…well, I can only give those people my respect. Whether or not they’re considered to be Narcissists at that point.

Dealing with a damaged mind, no matter the diagnosis, is a difficult thing to do, and while sympathizing with a person who will most often take advantage of the fact statistically speaking is a bad thing to do, I can’t help but offer my condolences to those who do deal with the illness wanting to come out of it better. As there are not many who seem to care for the other side…and as someone who, for a time wanted to be a Psychologist, that hurts to see.

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I agree totally with you. Cursing people that harm us is a necessity to live in peace. I know because I have grown up with a narc family, too.

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