Not entirely sure what happened here and am looking for input
Woke up 3 am on the equinox yesterday. Power was out, winds were blowing extremely hard and erratically, literally shaking my home.
I just lay there in the pitch black, eyes wide open and alert, but taking in the experience calmly, when suddenly the winds turn to an overwhelming gale and i am pulled into some kind of altered state… definitely not sleep paralysis, because I could move and speak, albeit in a labored fashion, but something like it.
I suddenly felt an immense spiritual presence, overwhelming me with a feeling of love, and heard something scratching heavily a single line against the wall less than a foot away from me, from feet to head
I intuitively knew whom the spirit was, though I havent worked with him outside of this one encounter on Walpurgisnacht, and my daily+nightly hymns to him
The scratching along the wall and the love seemed to awaken my higher self/goddess form in me and there was this feeling of bliss of reunion with a long departed loved one
Through his massive presence, I struggled but managed to reach my hand up, trying to grasp him, hold him, touch any part of him that i could… I hailed him and praised him and thanked him for his presence, and then my hand started to open and close of its own accord, moving wildly and involuntarily
The power then came back on in my home and with it I felt the presence enter somewhere at the back of my head… couldve been the chakra at the tip of the spine/base of the skull, but im not 100% certain, memory got a little foggy here
it felt like this massive electrical surge that started in my head and flowed down and throughout my body, and I started convulsing madly as my body received this massive influx of energy… i felt that i shouldve been frightened by this, as i have never experienced anything like involuntary limb movements, such a massive presence, nor convulsions ever before in my life… but i felt quite the opposite! i felt entirely enraptured bis his love, evoking a reciprocal and intense admiration, and utter ecstasy (though not necessarily sexual in nature)
there seemed to then be this massive download of information into my mind via clairsentience… it was such a mindfuck and i’m still processing and parsing all of it…
i lost all sense of time and separation between myself, my goddess form, and this unexpected presence as i bask in the intensity of the experience
eventually, my body and mind adapted to all this and i lay in bed, feeling utterly empowered and clear-headed like ive never felt before
still in this altered state of pseudo-paralysis, i suddenly see a dull, gray, horned, probably demonic, spirit manifest against the wall opposite my bed. It looked as if it was a 2 dimensional image cast against the wall by a projector with a dim bulb, and it walked slowly from one corner of the room to the other. There are no windows in my home that arent draped in blackout curtains, for the record, so no light from outside wouldve been able to enter… plus, i do not live in line-of-sight of any road, so a random car’s headlights causing an illusion is entirely off the table.
i felt excited to see a spirit with my physical eyes and, since i am no stranger to the infernal, i reached out towards the demon and beckoned it towards me to interact with me… alas, it took no notice of me and disappeared past the limits of my peripheral vision
I then seemed to slowly emerge from the altered state, trying to make sense of the entire phenomenon. The wind had calmed down slightly, though still beating against my home like a rushing river against a single reed.
The entire day I felt the increase in energy and power linger, and i tried to make the most of it, and did much work, frenzied, but focused…
however today, I feel utterly grounded, as if the veil between myself and the other had turned into a concrete wall…
i dont know what to make of all this…