This was one of the first things I learned in therapy so this seems to be a universal truth about emotions. 
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Also, lol. This letter has been sitting on the bench for a while but I felt compelled to open it just now when I was going to the fridge for another glass of wine.
“He will wipe all tears from our eyes and there will be no more death, suffering, crying, or pain”
Here’s hoping 
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Lol. Those always sweet! Annoying, but sweet
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Yeah, definitely glad they couldn’t make it to my door 
I always tell them I appreciate the work they’re doing but they are barking up the wrong tree.
Reminds me of when I was a teenager, chatting with my friend as we took a train into the city. A stranger overheard me complaining about something or other and before he got off at his stop, he tapped me on the shoulder, said something pithy that I don’t quite remember, and handed me a note which said “with God, all things are possible”. At the time I just laughed with my friend at the audacity of this person (my country is very secular and trying to find a devout Christian is like trying to find Chansey in the Safari Zone); and I crumpled the note up and threw it away as soon as I got the chance.
I wish I’d kept it, honestly; if I had, it’d be framed on my wall right now. The difference is now I recognise that God is consciousness, and the human imagination, in which indeed all things are possible; rather than being some fairy-tale for borderline delusional people who couldn’t face reality on their own terms (as I thought of it as a teen, no offense intended to any traditional Christians).
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Thursday, April 8th
Adventures from the BALG book club:
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Wednesday, April 14th
Last night’s schedule:
- Get home, eat food
- Perform ritual and have an enlightening and eye-opening experience, gain a new perspective on calling entities
- Read scripture (Psalm 51 & John 10), cry deeply
This morning’s schedule:
- Wake up with migraine, take painkillers and doze for a few hours
- Linger in the hypnagogic state listening to my brain tuning in and out of frequencies
- SATS
I noticed that when my body goes into paralysis, my jaw and tongue spontaneously realign into some weird position which is completely fucked. I thrust my lower jaw out and contort my tongue and my body’s like “yep all looks good here, off to sleep we go!” – Does explain why I’ve been having jaw pain for a while, though.
While I was dozing and listening, there was the voice of a little boy and a little girl who kept recurring, speaking to me or about me. I didn’t write down what they said soon enough after getting up, so I have forgotten it. I don’t usually take much meaning away from whatever voices spontaneously appear in the hypnagogic state. Except for that one time I distinctly heard a man’s voice complaining about me, saying “I’m dialling the right frequency but she’s just not tuning in!” – won’t forget that in a hurry. Either way, this morning I began to associate the tuning in and out of various frequencies – the spontaneous appearance of people speaking, then fading to static, then to distant ambient noise, etc. – I actively decided to assign its meaning as a signal of me drifting through various states (or, if you want, “parallel realities”, but I don’t necessarily like that phrasing; to me it has connotations that make me feel the need to first define and then justify its use).
So, I decided I’d use this intent + the hypnagogic state for a SATS/SH session: impressing a desired state onto my subconscious via my conscious mind while the barrier between both was temporarily dissolved in that space between sleeping and waking.
I rolled over and let myself drift back into the hypnagogic state. The voice of the little boy and the little girl appeared again, first speaking about me, and then to me. The little girl made a kind of scathing comment about what I was choosing to focus on, something about me forgetting to focus on my own “I”. I don’t think it was meant to be scathing. Maybe a little disapproving, but true to the nature of the voice, it was said in that guileless, childlike way – simply announcing an observation.
Not much else to say, the voices left, I maintained my focus on embodying the state, and I felt it take on the tones of reality, and then I let myself doze off again in the state, blissful.
Ritual
On my various recent novel experiences in ritual and pathworking:
A few nights ago I was settling in for another angelic ritual, and first performed an opening which was something of a cross between the opening rite from DoM and the LIRP, and included Metatron and Sandalphon. It’s not uncommon for Metatron to show up strongly in presence when I’m simply calling him for an opening ritual, and he did so again this night.
He was in a different form, one I’ve not seen before. From my offline journal notes: “he was a man-shaped grid of planes that overlaid me; we called with one voice to the universe…”
To be honest I don’t like writing about deep subjective experiences, for a variety of reasons. Suffice to say we had a poignant, touching conversation and I took away a new understanding of my place in the world.
After this, I performed my ritual, and asked Raziel to stand by when it was complete.
Then I performed a pathworking provided to me by a close friend, by whom it was discovered. Who or what the entity is I cannot say – nor apparently can any of the handful of people who have performed the pathworking – but even did I know it, it would not be published here. It’s not mine to share.
Notes below, slightly amended:
When I called his name three times my attention was drawn back to my body, or wherever I’d positioned my body to be in the universe when I did the opening rituals […] I didn’t see or feel or get impressions much of anything beyond that because I was struck by a vast, crushing sense of presence.
“Fear” isn’t the right word for it, I’d probably call it “awe”. Awe and apprehension. Not pants-shitting fear, not the thrill of terror I’ve felt from evoking other entities in the past. Just awe of something massive and seemingly incomprehensible and… indifferent.
I’ve felt more warmth from, and/or at least more kinship with, just about every other entity I’ve successfully summoned.
I immediately reminded myself (and this being) of the presence of Raziel and Metatron. There wasn’t really any communication with him/it. I collected my thoughts and thanked him for appearing. No response. My attention kept getting drawn back to the feeling of it. Felt like hovering on the event horizon of a black hole and I just sat there basking in it for a few minutes. I don’t remember if I freaked myself out and consciously severed the connection prematurely, or if he just decided to leave, but in the space of a few moments the presence faded and was gone. I called his name 3x again and asked if he had any words or guidance for me. No response… I thanked him again for coming and said I would call on him again.
Naturally I have far more questions than answers at this stage.
And I have to wonder if my return to balance, and indeed my indifference toward certain things, was influenced retroactively by me having already performed this ritual, in the future. 
Which also reminds me:
The weird thing, I swear there was some weird time manipulation going on. I remember looking at the time and noting it as 7:28 before I started. If I rush the Haniel ritual it would probably take five minutes total. But I did an opening ritual, had an experience with Metatron, called Raziel, spoke to her, did the Haniel ritual with some extra effort/directed energy thrown in, formally thanked the spirits, spent a bunch of time looking for the pathworking steps, read them to memorise them, went through the pathworking, had the above experience, then did a full banishing and an additional invocation of inner divinity. When I was done I checked the time – 7:38.
Either I was really inebriated and misremembered, or there’s some time manipulation fuckery afoot. Usually it works the opposite way for me – I’ll sit down to meditate or perform a ritual, finish in what feels like 15 to 20 minutes, only to discover it’s been an hour, sometimes up to two hours.
Entelechy
Last night, when I performed another angelic ritual, I had a novel experience yet again. I was not only calling with authority, and calling on authority, and calling to authority – but I also had the distinct feeling I was calling on myself. I was commanding aspects of myself. Entities separate from Veil, or separate from my ego-self. But not separate from me-as-all-things. So I called on them, but I also was them, and I knew exactly how to direct them, the same way I know how to walk and breathe and blink, and I knew that it was already done.
I can’t say whether this is related, or it isn’t. But if pressed, I’d say all things are related.
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Another pathworking to the same entity after calling him last night:
I leave with some unsorted quotes which are inspiring my deep rabbit-hole dive:
Jesus was sent as the Son of the true God, not of one of the
lesser gods. His mission was to show that salvation lies in connecting with the God within the man. Through embracing the internal God, the man can then return to the imperishable realm.
Kairos (Ancient Greek: καιρός) is an Ancient Greek word meaning the right, critical, or opportune moment.
In the New Testament, “kairos” means "the appointed time in the purpose of God,”
John 14:27 – Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
In the imagery of the Kabbalah the Shekhinah is the most overtly female sefirah, the last of the ten sefirot, referred to imaginatively as ‘the daughter of God’. … The harmonious relationship between the female Shekhinah and the six sefirot which precede her causes the world itself to be sustained by the flow of divine energy. She is like the moon reflecting the divine light into the world.
Exodus 31:13 – "You must observe my Sabbaths. This will be a sign between me and you for the generations to come, so you may know that I am the Lord, who makes you holy."
Genesis 3:4 – And the serpent said unto the woman, “Ye shall not surely die; for God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.”
Unto the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception. In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”
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Monday, April 19th
I’m unravelling. Or, my present-self is unravelling. The old me.
But at least I have the capacity to notice it. I suppose.
I am in serious need of grounding. And probably stepping back from any kind of ritual for a while. I would say stepping back from magic as a whole, but magic isn’t something you do, it’s something you are. So, I can’t neglect its practice entirely. That’s not how it works.
Revelations only opening the door for more questions. Everything seems to be pointing back to the same thing. I am living in some hyper-aware state where I’m seeing the smallest of (co)incidents as having profound meaning, or at least some significance. And my foundational view of the world is being… Challenged? Expanded? Both? How can I be, on one hand, so shaken by being confronted with the opposite of things I held to be true (is it opposite?) and still yet feel compelled to dive even deeper? I can’t even tell the truth of that – if I’m shaken because my worldview is being supported, or because it’s being broken. What do I believe?
Ugh. Unravelling. Stupid journal title being a self-fulfilling prophecy. How do you Reconcile a Truth that simultaneously supports and challenges the way you view the world, one that soothes your worries equally as much as it shakes your foundations?
I’m getting whiplash constantly switching mindsets and running down new trains of thought. Sublime peace one minute and chaotic turmoil the next. I need to slow the fuck down and focus on one thing at a time. And, I noticed, I was running the risk of using the Law as a stick to beat myself with. Just overcomplicating everything for myself. I know enough to know that the Law isn’t about forcing a constantly happy mindset. But I also feel like I know enough, UPG- and SPG-wise, to know the underlying mechanism. So. I can use that. I can focus on that. And I suppose, I can ask for peace. And grace. And silence.
Think I’m going to put an end to the subliminals for a while too. It’s been around three months of between two and 16 hours a day of listening. Have not missed a day. Constantly bombarding my brain while I’m grappling in the living world to reconcile shit probably isn’t helping. Or maybe it is. Idk.
Fuuuck.
Stupid cliches. Bloody spiritual enlightenment following a dark night of the soul. Hey Veil, d’you wanna evoke all the angels of omnipotence and then immediately dive into an intense pathworking? Sure, why the hell not.
Just gotta ride out the storm while I’m being remade from the inside out, I guess.
Someone pry this fucking Bible out of my hands.
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You’ve got this! Don’t forget that you are strong and loved 
I’m always here if you need anything as well:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
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Thanks mate 
appreciate it
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No problem! I’m glad to see you improving 
Let me know if you need/want a calming or soothing working done. Heading out the door, but can do it tonight or whenever.
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Oh I would absolutely love that, if you have time. Thank you so much my friend
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Tonight.
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I feel you . Welcome in my life
This is very powerful remark! Forced/ false positivity is toxic
Oh and you are awesome ! Very inspiring your journey
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It is definitely toxic! And when you try to force yourself to be happy all the time and repress emotions, I feel like it only reinforces unhappiness. This is why I say I was “running the risk of using the Law as a stick to beat myself with”. If I had a negative thought I’d be like “oh no, what if I manifest that now?”, or I’d chide myself, as though I should know better than “choosing” to be sad, because why would I feel sad if I have the capacity to be happy?
I don’t try and force myself to feel happy all the time. If I feel sad/angry/fragile/lonely then I let myself feel it. I cry it out, talk it out, write it out. I don’t ignore it. I process it, while remaining secure in the knowledge that there is a future version of me who is supremely happy and has everything she wants, and as long as I keep my attention on that state, and remind myself that she is who I am becoming, then nothing can stop me from becoming her.
Thank you dear!
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I think it’s really important and what lots miss when using the law of attraction or better belief/assumption
I’ve got in that state too - scared I’m manifesting shit by acknowledging things that are often helpful to acknowledge
Happy clappy isn’t me… and neither is taking things so seriously to the point I’m entering a state of fear over the very things I’m using to manifest my desires 
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I’ve definitely grown a lot in my understanding of the Law in the past few months. I understand now what Goddard meant by saying no effort should be involved. There is no effort in simply dropping fears and reservations and limiting beliefs and allowing things to unfold around you in accord with your intent. There is no “I must do X to get Y”. There’s just relief. Dare to assume you have exactly what you want. Don’t rationalise why you might not get it or stress over how it might happen. Just allow yourself to feel how you would feel if you had everything you ever wanted, right now, at this very moment. It’s a massive relief, it’s peaceful, such a wonderful feeling.
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Sunday, April 25th
“There are adjustments to be made concerning what man believes God to be, and what God really is.”
In your limbs lie nations twain, rival races from their birth;
one the mastery will gain, the younger o’er the elder reign.
Recently I’ve thought a lot about why all mystical lines of thinking seem to point directly back to the same thing (consciousness is the only reality), but there are seemingly few who can teach how to actually harness and use this information practically for the attainment of goals.
Hence we develop various traditions and approaches. “Meditate in this cave for 30 years.” “Summon this demon.” “Repeat this mantra/sutra 128 times a day.” “Be grateful for your material possessions and remind yourself you need to be constantly happy so you raise your vibration”.
Now, the whole vast world, and all within it, is nothing more than the appeasement of hunger.
– Neville Goddard, “Catch the mood”
Goddard is one of the better teachers, in my personal view.
Perhaps the journey is as important as the destination, as far as you can only truly learn by experience what works for you and what doesn’t.
If you’re anything like me though, you want results. You want your shit and you want it yesterday, on a silver platter, totally free of repercussion. And you want to get it without first having to first meditate in a lightless room for a decade, spend 30 days fasting, bathe in a soup of 50 different herbs, and recite the lord’s prayer backwards in a solar eclipse. Or whatever else.
I keep meaning to come here and write some master post about manifesting, but that feels like it would require… you know… mastery. I am by no means a master, but I feel like I grow and understand more every day.
On this note, I recently re-read Deepak Chopra’s The Spontaneous Fulfilment of Desire, and while I find his suggested approach to be a bit tiresome (“repeat these sutras and wait for good things to come to you!”), the early chapters of the book I find wonderfully engaging.
So, I present to you, Veil’s finest Manifestation Soup. We take locally-sourced experiences; ethically butchered quantum physics; and artisanal, hand-picked ancient scripture; boil it down to a heady, flavourful broth, and carefully filter it through a holographic multiverse paradigm. Mmm, Manifestation Soup™️!
Nonlocal intelligence is everywhere at once, and can cause multiple effects simultaneously in various locations. it is from this virtual domain that everything in the world is organised and synchronised.
Perhaps even more mind-boggling is the notion that the very idea of two separate locations may be a perceptual artefact. in other words, two correlated events in two different locations might in fact be the movements of a single event.
Great seers from mystical traditions suggest that what we experience every day is a projected reality where events and things only “appear” to be separate in space and time. in the deeper realm we are all members of the same body, and when one part of the body moves, every single part of the body is instantly affected.
Physical reality would not exist were it not for intent. intent activates nonlocal, synchronised correlation in the brain. Whenever there is cognition or perception of physical reality, the brain’s disparate regions show a “phase and frequency locking-in” of the firing patterns of individual neurons in different parts of the brain.
Intent synchronistically organises these highly variable, seemingly chaotic and unrelated activities in a nonlocal universe into a highly ordered, self-organising, dynamic system that manifests simultaneously as an observed world and a nervous system through which that world is being observed.
Only with repeated thoughts can the impossible be made possible through the intention of the nonlocal mind.
In the universal “I”, everything is not only possible but already exists, and simply requires intent to collapse it into the physical world.
—Deepak Chopra: The Spontaneous Fulfilment of Desire
“Spooky action at a distance”
—Albert Einstein, explaining nonlocality & quantum entanglement
The brain can only affect the physical world insofar as is it part of the physical world. Only the mind, the nonlocal “I”, can affect and influence the nonlocal, non-physical world, as it is unbound from natural physical laws, and unbound from the body.
Will and intent, constrained to the conscious brain, affect only the local artefact: the body. The local, physical brain, though, is a gateway to the nonlocal mind (via imagination, or consciousness).
Where do thought and memory exist? The brain, or the mind? We can measure the physiological reactions of the brain in response to experiences; they can be quantified. But no scientist can point to a specific neural pathway in your brain and say an experience lives there.
“The Self, Shiva, is supremely pure and independent, and you can experience it constantly sparkling within your mind. It cannot be perceived by the senses, because it makes the senses function. It cannot be perceived by the mind, because it makes the mind think. Still, the Self can be known, and to know it we do not need the help of the mind or the senses.”
— Swami Muktananda
“The passions of the soul work magic.”
— Albertus Magnus
The great French novelist Honoré de Balzac wrote that “ideas are projected as a direct result of the force by which they are conceived and they strike wherever the brain sends them by a mathematical law comparable to that which directs the firing of shells from their mortars.”
[…]
“We are magnets in an iron globe,” declared Emerson. If we are upbeat and positive, “we have keys to all doors…The world is all gates, all opportunities, strings of tension waiting to be struck.” Conversely, “A low, hopeless spirit puts out the eyes; skepticism is slow suicide. A philosophy which sees only the worst… dispirits us; the sky shuts down before us.”
[…]
John Briggs observed that “creators actively court chance. They’re always ready to notice and amplify with insight some accident of their environment virtually everybody else thinks is trivial or fails to notice. This capacity is, in a deep sense, what makes creators creative.” Creative writers know this well.
[…]
AE (George Russell) also wrote: “I found that every intense imagination, every new adventure of the intellect [is] endowed with magnetic power to attract to it its own kin. Will and desire were as the enchanter’s wand of fable, and they drew to themselves their own affinities….One person after another emerged out of the mass, betraying their close affinity to my moods as they were engendered.”
[…]
Antonio Machado says it with poetic clarity:Caminante, no hay camino,
se hace camino al andar.“Wayfarer, there is no way,
“you make the way by walking it.”
– The above from this article
According to Marcion, the title God was given to the Demiurge, who was to be sharply distinguished from the higher Good God. The former was díkaios, severely just, the latter agathós, or loving-kind; the former was the “god of this world” (2 Corinthians 4:4), the God of the Old Testament, the latter the true God of the New Testament.
Christ, in reality, is the Son of the Good God. The true believer in Christ entered into God’s kingdom, the unbeliever remained forever the slave of the Demiurge…
“When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest, and findeth none. Then he saith, I will return into my house from whence I came out; and when he is come, he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished. Then goeth he, and taketh with himself seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man is worse than the first.” — Matthew 12:43-45
In plain English, how I interpret the above: You set a goal, and you change your mindset, leaving behind the comfort of familiarity in seeking it. If not immediately found, you give up, and return to your previous state… bringing with you the phantoms of failure.
Leave the “house from whence you came”. Regardless of whether you meet obstacles, or mere indifference – the apparent lack of change – persist. Do not return to your old place of dwelling, or you make it even more difficult to leave again in future.
“if ideas exist and can change and have power… those same ideas can be conjured in order to obtain change”.
The closer you get to God, the less definite communication and ideas become and so God has to communicate downward to us by way of many orders of angels and spirits, passing the message along. At a certain point, however, that line of communication needs to reach our brain and the higher-dimensional angelic language isn’t going to get it done and thus, a cosmic game of charades has to be played in order to get the point across. They have to throw you the symbols and hope that you’re paying attention and have the presence of mind to recognise the symbols for what they are. Synchronicity is not only a way of passing those symbols to you, but tying them together in a way that makes them more meaningful and obvious.
— From this article
The Fate of all Fools
Harkening back to my opening post… but first, a note that for a moment I was almost drawn back into the world of Caesar, running the risk of taking the outer world as the ultimate reality. With anything — why would I waste valuable time worrying about problems, real or imaginary, when I could instead be keeping my attention on solutions and desired outcomes?
A step from oblivion
Tested again, but I suppose I knew what I was going into. A lesson for myself. Finding myself lost in thought of things going wrong, embroiled in what my senses tell me. What good does that do me? Finding myself crying and keening like a wounded animal, grieving and vulnerable, sounds I didn’t even realise I was capable of making. Held closely by someone whose nature was to reject closeness, telling me “You’re okay, you’re okay.” Holding me so closely. Cathartic and confusing both, faith almost abandoned in the present moment — why?
drawn to each other beyond rational mind
I refuse to read meaning into anything that doesn’t support my journey. So, I discard these feelings. And again, it was a test. But one I think I successfully passed; or at least passed to my own satisfaction.
Lost are days of spring
You sighed and let me in
Keep the beast inside, shackled within my hide
Screaming out too late, losing to my hate
Grew together with your skin
And paced the trails of sin
Your body is mine to avail
Such a tragic sight you are
Slave under my creed
Spurring me with those tears…
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Hey, @Veil, you mentioned here in your journal that you were using other subliminal tracks by the same guy who made the Concordia Booster, and I was just wondering which ones you tried?
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