• Your name
• Photos if you’re comfortable
• Kinds of magick you like
°From which “path” i have come
• Current goals
• Current struggles
Warning: if you can’t digest my sometimes pretty bad english: don’t read it at all,
or at least do not harass me with bullshit. THANKS!
oOo The name is?/was? Richard.
oOo Photos? Not yet 
… we just met and… WHY ARE YOUR PANTS DOWN?!!
Just kidding, i got problems with my system so i was forced to switch to something cheap like “slax”.
oOo Which kind of magick? […] Good question.
~Well, of course: black magic, and… well it seems logickly to me:
that every magick is actually “black” in nature, because there is no way not to produce (at least a little) change, and its allways “serving” your desires. -Whatever that should be.
Even if YOUR desire is to serve some monster from “heaven”.
And i read also some books from mystics, who seem pick pieces out of context of pretty much everything big, like: the three diseases: Islam, christianity, the jews +kabbala,
but also buddhism. ~Those people actually believe that black magick is just banefull magick
°~(-_- ‘’)~° fffffffffffffffffff…
oOo My past.
Nihilism in an ultra pessimistic way, with not a goal, but with the idea to die with 40/45years in a great fight and a lots of lost collateral.
Later gave islam and some insanity me the very needed ‘push’ to keep going.
Later i came to mythology and stuff, because (don’t fucking laugh) i believed strongly in vampires, and i kept the idea of travelling gods, who just passed every point on earth,
so thats why all those stories are similar in nature, rituals or even names.
But i left that idea behind, and all the prints about the norse, egyptian, greek and wicca gods…
I came to buddhism, i was impressed by its truth because:
pure buddhism is no believe and no religion, its just a way to look at things more clearly,
Everthing that changes is not your self, so watch everything(meditate) until it fades and the eternal self is everything that is left. But you can not see or touch the self, you can just BE the self.
But the circumsstances, my “oh so bad karma” were not “good enough” so that i could get to asia.
While being depressed with the truth, that i can not reach out for eternity, and while reading desperatly the palikanon, i came to the book of light
~pretty much scientific, in fact the most is explainable with science.
BUT THERE WERE SOME FLAWS:
Karma was described as something good -but it is not something natural!?
~the Maha Chohan rules over the Lipika, and those Lipika rule over YOU,
by reflecting your actions. -THIS WOULD NOT HAPPEN IN SUCH A MATTER WITHOUT THEM!
And they don’t got karma themselves, but they are not perfect, because they exist in the world, therefore it is arbitrariness.
-The self/essence doesn’t do anything!
Its the personality! But the personality DIES, and another, the new one gets its “bill”?!
FUCK YOU! NO THANKS!
Another flaw: The book of light is to much injected with buddhism, so it is intendet to guide you to leave the world, AND it doesn’t tell everything,
otherwise “some oh so bad black magician” could use the knowledge how our universe is build (one of many) for “evil” purposes. And they tell about the demons, but not how they became demons in the first place, and they didn’t told how the mamo chohan became the devil, and they didn’t told about what happens to the masters, after their “job” is done. And more…
~And it was pretty weird to read “sections of black magick” and after those parts came like a half page full of the mantra, so nothing “evil” is coming to you.
Yes, yes ~i became pretty “enlighted”, but there were allways my gravings and lust such.
Later i was getting an idea, build upon something “Adamon von Eden” told by his writings.
The possiblity to jump from current to current, from dimension to dimension in order to reach out for eternity.
Realities, and what believe really means:
An believe is an thought which repeats itsself.
(And if in context with the subconsciousness:)
Believe is, what picture, feeling or thought has been repeated enough,
so it is echoing eternaly in the subconsciousness.
Believe can put you in prison, but also can free you.<
Here some (german) texts from Adamon:
The moment i changed to darkness were, as i read about the time as “4 have become 5”
the principle of 
=> the spirit, the essence is eternal, from an darkness beyond light and shadow, the nothingness, the “space” beyond the world/ nirvanapuram.
The eternal comes in the matter/chaos to learn its truth, and will finally come back.
=we do not belong to this world
the principle of 
The spirit may be eternal, but that is what the matter is build of.
~it is the spirit who awakens in the chaos he is.
=Nirvana is just an unplugged/sleep-like state, there is only matter(=spirit)
The awakened spirit wraps itsself in “sleeping” spirit.
This idea is may not very well presented by me, 'cause of my not so well english,
but it explains why the book of light has told, that there is the possibility “to fall out of Nirvana”: BECAUSE RULING FORCES ARE RE-AWAKENING YOU!
~I never have spoken to “Alakthan” but i guess that he?/it? thinks similar about our existence.
We are meant to be.
oOo Current goals:
Immortality. (keep the “eternal dance” going, for that i have to keep my identity)
Gain Power.
Gain Knowledge.
An own shooting range. 
BUT: before i can do/get any of that:
°°°MONEY, enough to life, eat, and to bribe some stupid bureaucrats who wanna mess with me.
~To buy land, for building altars and to grow food and stuff.
°°°Learn this whole evocation thing, abilities and such.
°°°Learn how to feed on people.
°°°Learn how to manipulate people.
oOo Struggle: Paypal is still mugging me for some reason.
I currently just work occasionally, for the half of the minimum-wage
Still trapped in this stupid family and city. (i wanna/need to get out of this mess, to flee in some rural area)
‘Something’ keeps me from meditating.
No money to buy the books and circles.
(currently just enought for the spider and the green butterfly and the 7 grimoires, but i have to wait until next month or so ~again, cause paypal)
I don’t have a gun. ~I hope that magick will bring me one AND become my “gun”.
P.S.: For those you didn’t get what i was writing above:
It seems logickly to me, that the very, eternal and indiscribable essence, can be symbolized as the CHAOS STAR. We are matter, but use matter the same time.
~No one is innocent, because even if you re in an nirvanic state, you are part of that whole chaos. There is no escape, so do the only thing which is left: follow the eternal dance:
have fun, seek knowledge and power, fucking fuck XD and enjoy being.
If you are eternaly bored, like buddha: do something stupid! Create something, or take a nirvanic nap, but secure your butt(i mean ego) from vanishing.
DO-NOT-GET-ALL-THE-KNOWLEDGE-AT-ONCE, or at least not that fast!
Its an eternal dance, not some bored standing around.
~If you know everthing about this universe, somehow, than GO to another!
Keep going! Keep “dancing”.
Have a nice day, evening or wank. 
Bye.
